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Moved to New Zealand with my girlfriend and now she's having doubts... watch

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    So last month my girlfriend and I moved to New Zealand after being together for four years having met in the third year of uni.

    We've been good (or so I thought) for that time - we've definitely moved out of the kind of head of heels beginners love in the last year but I thought we were still very much in love.

    After two months of being in NZ my girlfriend last night told me all the doubts she's having it was a long list but seemed to be focussed on the fact that she's only dated one other person whereas I've dated a few and she's worried she's no ready to commit. Part of this I think is that all of the friends we've made in NZ are single.

    I asked her what she wants to do and she said she still really loves me and feels sick at the thought of not being with me so wants to "give it time". In my mind though I don't know if this is repairable? How do you carve a life with someone who's already having doubts at 25? At the same time am I just being a doormat if I just sit here waiting for her to make a decision?

    It's even more messy because I came here on her visa and so will likely have to move back to the UK if we break up.

    Thoughts welcome! tl;dr I moved to NZ on my girlfriend's visa and now she's having doubts and i'm not sure what to do
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    Its a **** situation you find yourself in, but you're just going to have to accept that you're both at completely different stages in your life when it comes to relationships. You're at a stage where you feel like you've experienced enough and are ready to commit and settle down. She's at a stage where she feels like she hasn't experienced enough and doesn't want to nail herself down to anything until she's confident she wont have any regrets or constant feelings of 'what if''. Both these stages are 100% valid. there's nothing wrong with the way she feels and nothing wrong with the way you feel.

    Dont under any circumstances be anyone's doormat. It's not a fair if the ball is entirely in her court. Here's the situation: She wants to date around and experience more before settling down (which is valid) but she's scared of losing you in case that doesn't work out. So right now she needs time to try and see if she can formulate a plan that allows her to keep you as her plan B while she's seeing other people. (this likely means she will eventually suggest "taking a break" rather than just acknowledging an official break up)

    The way she feels isn't just going to change overnight because she'll constantly have the same 'wanderlust' and you dont want to be in a situation where one or both of you end of harbouring resentment for the other person or feeling unsatisfied in general. Its a little *****y that she had to wait until you moved to new zealand to open up about her thoughts, because these thoughts dont just come out of nowhere. it's likely she'd been having them for a while, and maybe she even thought moving to new zealand would help make them go away.
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    The obvious question is - do you like it in New Zealand?
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    Does she really love you if she thinks she needs to be with other people? Life isn't a competition of 'how many people can you date!?'

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    I think she might like the idea of being free and single and able to h__ around (grass is greener on the other side outlook) but it might be that if you two break up and she sees the reality she'll realise she only wants you
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    I think you're entitled to feel a bit pissed off in that situation - you've been together 4 years and moved half way round the world which would seem to imply some degree of commitment to each other.

    I would ask her what she hopes to get from a relationship with someone else that she isn't getting from you. If she really feels she wants to have more relationships before settling down there's not much you can do but perhaps it is just the relationship had become a bit stagnant and that you've started to take each other for granted. If that's the case I think you could make it work. I think you need to make it clear though that if you do break up there will be no going back.
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    (Original post by Trinculo)
    The obvious question is - do you like it in New Zealand?
    I love it which makes it even more complicated. I'll likely have to head back to the UK if we do break up
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    OK well firstly - can you sort your own via out? assuming you would want to stay in NZ if you break up, then that's something you don't need to worry about.

    Secondly, only you can decide if you want to wait. I went through a phase of thinking that maybe I was 'missing out' by being not being single and not 'experiencing more' but the thought of leaving my boyfriend was horrible so I didn't and eventually came to realise that throwing away something that definitely makes me happy for something that could make me happy is stupid. I don't regret a second with my partner because it's made me very happy... maybe I haven't had every 'experience' I could but I've done plenty of things and the only 'experience' I've missed is sleeping with randoms which is hardly an incredible experience! I would give her some time and talk to her about what is making her feel the way she does and if there's stuff you can change to help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So last month my girlfriend and I moved to New Zealand after being together for four years having met in the third year of uni.

    We've been good (or so I thought) for that time - we've definitely moved out of the kind of head of heels beginners love in the last year but I thought we were still very much in love.

    After two months of being in NZ my girlfriend last night told me all the doubts she's having it was a long list but seemed to be focussed on the fact that she's only dated one other person whereas I've dated a few and she's worried she's no ready to commit. Part of this I think is that all of the friends we've made in NZ are single.

    I asked her what she wants to do and she said she still really loves me and feels sick at the thought of not being with me so wants to "give it time". In my mind though I don't know if this is repairable? How do you carve a life with someone who's already having doubts at 25? At the same time am I just being a doormat if I just sit here waiting for her to make a decision?

    It's even more messy because I came here on her visa and so will likely have to move back to the UK if we break up.

    Thoughts welcome! tl;dr I moved to NZ on my girlfriend's visa and now she's having doubts and i'm not sure what to do


    I'm going to be completely blunt with you which you may not like.

    your gf has not ridden enough of the **** carousel

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...ock%20carousel
 
 
 
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