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ex troubles

my relationship with my proper ex ended a year ago after two years, which were the best of my life. she's stunning and we treated each other like gold, were intimate etc and i adored her. then towards the end of the two years i went on holiday with her (and with my family) and found out that she'd cheated on me, and that it was pretty regularly. (the relationship was long distance so we'd not see each other for long periods but it still seemed watertight).

i've tried to get over her with others, none of whom hit the bar. met another girl at work and had a great first few days, and although she had very similar features to the ex, i hoped we'd have a brief summer relationship to help me get over the problem. after a few days i found out that she was two-timing me with another guy at work. i was pretty pissed off and she said i was too serious about the situation and should back off.

then i met my ex, having cancelled every previous potential visit, and she looked typically breathtaking. turned everyone's heads which made me as angry as it used to when we went out (couldn't help but be quietly possessive). she felt no guilt about our past and had completely gotten over me, whereas i wanted to do everything we used to - but mainly just hold her. we visited all the places we'd been before and it brought painful memories. she just wants to be friends but that's difficult, and i know that if i ever somehow got back with her (which is an everest challenge given her current lifestyle) i'd constantly be wondering what she's up to. i appreciate that she's the wrong person for me, and the fact that she's grown up rapidly since we broke up doesn't help things either. her attitude is frustratingly casual. and i seem keen to have another relationship that's as perfect as the original.

i don't know i'm asking for. just advice.

Reply 1

supernova2

I live in Guildford too! Hiyaaa

Reply 2

Vesta

Continuing to be friends with her is going to make the break-up even more painful..
Time heals blah blah, so if I were you I'd separate yourself from her and just... not be around her. It'll make it much easier on you. There's no point going out with her (judging by your post) because she seems to just be stringing you along and may cheat again. You've seemed to accept that your relationship won't work, so just move on.

Reply 3

BlibBlob

I'd cut contact with her if I were you

Reply 4

username47781

I would stop seeing her or contacting her because otherwise you will never move on.

Reply 5

peperharow

yeah well it's tricky as i'd tried to not meet and eventually got persuaded, and she wants to be good friends but i can't see that happening easily when she looks as incredible as she does and our memories are of intimacy etc

Reply 6

Maverick_James

I honestly think...hmm... I've had this before. And I was with this girl who I thought the world of and who I'd honestly do anything for. Now I look back and I still can't understand why I liked her so much. I've been out with girls since who are so beautiful and perfect and many guys would be lucky to be with, who don't seem to cut it.

I honestly think though that its not just the girl you are missing. It can be related to a particular point in your life. For example, this girl was around GCSE time and I was young and carefree and having a great time. And as soon as we split up, everything seemed to change - sixth form stress and getting a job. Everything changed. So although I think I missed her to some extent I actually believe I just missed that whole point in my life before responsibility kicked in. Maybe thats what your feeling? hmm

Reply 7

khil

Well, my first bit of advice:

Stop being so ridiculously STUPID and utterly foolish - "as perfect as the original"? What "perfect"? She cheated on you. She was two-timing you and she's not worth your time and effort and she's using her charm and whatever physical beauty she has to use men. You call that perfect? You call being lied to "perfect"? You call her, faking how much she apparently loved you, then soon as she got off the phone she would be kissing another guy, perfect? You call your illusion perfect? Well that's an illusion so stop living in that stupid lie. You illusion was simple, mere ignorance, and you were quite simply being used. You call being used "perfect"?

Now, second piece of advice:

STOP, for goodness' sake, comparing your ex with everyone else! She's obviously no angel, she's NOT perfect, and I've got news for you, no she's not the most stunning woman on the planet. And even if she was, she's got the heart of a viper. If you simply want a relationship "like the one you had with your ex" - then sure, go ahead, let the next girl cheat on you. Cus that was the "original" relationship and it's obvious that that's what you want. Go on and let the next girl use you, cus being used was so perfect. And if you wanted a relationship "like the one you had with your ex" but without the cheating - well, I've got more news for you, you can NEVER have that relationship back. So quit trying to find it. Nothing can replace that relationship. And other women are not her replacements - they're more than that. If you cannot snap out of it and start treating other women with the respect they deserve instead of comparing all of them with your ex, then you don't deserve those women and you should just stop trying to find another girl. Stop trying to find a girl who would give you the same relationship, cus no, you can't, cus they're not the same woman. They won't act the same, they won't treat you the same - but some will act and treat you BETTER. It's never gonna be the same relationship - if it's the same relationship you want, you might as well get back with your ex and tell her as long as you get to kiss her, she can use you and cheat on you all she wants.

You're not nearly ready for a new relationship, so stop disrespecting the women you're trying to date and stop trying to replace that ex of yours. That relationship cannot be replaced, nor can you ever get it back, so just quit trying. When you realise that you want a DIFFERENT relationship - then go look for another girl. Until then, take all the time you want to get over your ex, but GET OVER HER before you try a relationship with someone else.

Rant over :smile:

Reply 8

ciara

Er... :dito: !

Reply 9

Haze1412

Well said irisng! OP, i understand you must be feeling pretty low about the situation but continuing to see it through rose-tinted glasses (that your ex is all that etc and setting her as the bar for others to jump over) is foolish and very unhealthy, not least because as irisng said she appears to have the heart of a viper. seriously, you do not need a girl like that in your life who treated your feelings and relationship with such blatant disrespect and callousness - either as a friend OR girlfriend. break all contact and keep away and focus on meeting nicer girls. hopefully and with some effort your ex will fade from time and you will see her for what she truly is. it sounds like the ''perfect'' relationship you are missing was what you believed you had with your ex before you found out she was cheating. well that was fake but it doesnt mean its unattainable with the next girl so try and cncentrate on that! i hpe this helps :smile:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

well sed irisng!

i went through a similar thing. my ex cheated on me after 8 mounths of going out, and a good 4 months of being mates b4 we went out.

it hurt me lots becuase we were eachothers first proper relationship and we were both eachothers first "everything".

it was only a drunken kiss but once it spreads around tht ur gf is a cheater then its hard 2 cope with.

becuase of our feelings, we still did "stuff" together. i cudnt move on becuase of the same reason as u. id fallen in love and she was "perfect". i kept compairing other girls 2 her.

so my advice is DONT comapir, look at new girls in a differnt way, look for the things tht make u happy within the new girl and focus on her.

dont continue being friends with this girl. DONT meet her again. its harsh but true.

my problem is i still find my ex amazing is cos we were good friends b4 we went out and us getting together wasnt reli planned. it just happened. So i cudnt just leave her life nd let her loose her best mate 2.

but serious, just forget her, minimise contact and find sum 1 else and dnt compair them 2 her.

im currently getting closer to another girl now nd im moving on. u shud do same.

Reply 11

notsoperfect

the only advice i can give is that you shouldn't see each other anymore. every time i see my ex the feelings come back and it is bad bad bad. you need to cut contact, even if you want to be friends - i don't think it is worth making an effort at friendship if you are still into her in that way, you'll only end up hurt, especially as she seems to be over you.

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