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Guys and their minds?!

Hey, just wondering if anyone can give me any insight to my problem.

I'm just wondering whether guys put that much emphasis or importance when texting or communicating with girls.

Am basically kind of seeing a guy at the moment, It's kind of awkward because we only had been together a week at uni then were seperated by the dreaded uni summer. Asked him what was going to happen and he said the he wouldn't see anyone else over the summer until I got back and I agreed the same.

Since being home for the summer we've had various text contact but over the last few weeks there has hardly been anything. I initiated most of the texting and sat back giving him a chance to prove himself - waited over a week before he decided to text. I'm just wondering if he has gone off me - but if he has why text me again?

I'm soo confused as to whats happening - we're not serious at all and just left it on terms that we wouldn't see other people so is it normal for this amount of contact?

I'm visiting some friends back at uni this weekend and It's possible that I may see him when I'm there, shall I ask him If I will be seeing him or leave it?

Sorry for the long post I needed to get it off my chest - what are your thoughts?

Reply 1

ladykk

haha my problem was same..except we didnt talk about what was the sitautaion in summer and facebook has shown him to have kissed another girl. U dont want to hear this...but i dont think it looks good-dont look too keen for him! And let him text you a bit now

Reply 2

40550

2

If he doesn't text back when you initiate it, take that as a bad sign. Go easy on the texting, especially if he doesn't seem as into it as you are. Guys, like girls, hate feeling bugged. Wait until you see him in person again. Then you can gauge how interested he is

Reply 3

Tiptoe

Hey thanks for your replies. It's a really confusing situation, sometimes I'm thinking that he is replying to be polite. I don't know?! Shall see what the weekend brings, hopefully I shall know my answer by then.

Reply 4

khil

15

Interestingly enough I've been having a simliar problem, but with regards to visits etc. My bf's explained already but I still don't get guy psychology on this front, so I went and talked to my ex lol and he explained it again, and I think I'm finally understanding this.

Guys and girls have different kinda expectations. I think maybe us girls start missing guys a lot faster than vice versa, hence we frequently contact whereas they don't. It's got nothing to do with whether they like you etc - it's just different expectations, different ways of doing things, different psychology.

Stop reading so much into it. I was convinced for 2 years that my ex didn't want to be my friend. Now recently we've been getting on quite well and he revealed how it had nothing to do with that. I don't understand it still, but I'm coming to realise that it's just a difference between being a woman and being a man. Lol.

Reply 5

Vesta

18

Can I be really useless and say.... guys have minds? Ho ho :p:

Now to be mildly useful:

If I were you I wouldn't initiate any more text conversations. You've made your effort, now it's his turn. If you keep texting him while he replies with half-hearted answers, you may come across as slightly desperate. The ball is in his court, let him initiate more. He can't turn around and say, "well you never texted me" - because you obviously initiated all the conversations.

I don't buy the "I was too busy to initiate conversations" either - it takes about 12 seconds to write a "how are you doing?" text, to at least make you think he's remembering you and using manners.

I'd leave it, just don't initiate anymore conversations. If he starts them, then sure text back. I wouldn't ask him if he's going to be there on Saturday. If you see him, good - you'll be able to work out whether he's gone off you or whether he just can't be bothered to text. If you don't see him, well then yeah.

And then just see where things are at when you start uni again in September/October.

:smile:

Good luck!

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Im pretty sure i think about what im putting in my text more than she does.
She sometimes doesn't txt back, or im always the one saying the nicer things, dont know why it is, bugs me a little, but i tend not to think about it.

So an answer to your question, i suppose some guys think quite alot about what their writing

Reply 7

Sticky

That's why I hate texting. It's such a crap way of communicating. It's useful for organising something or passing on some info quickly but in terms of proper communication, it's totally useless.

It's a shame that so few people are comfortable just having a proper conversation.

Anyway, OP, concerning your problem. I think you're managing this pretty well but to agree not to see anyone over the summer is a MASSIVE commitment if you've been together for only a week. You were probably right to let him react instead of chasing after him as that could have made you get the wrong ideas and get your hopes up. I'd say wait until you get back, enjoy your summer.

It sounds too much like both of you agreed to not see anyone only because you thought that you're unlikely to meet anyone "better" over the summer. It's hard but you can't expect that kind of commitment after such a short relationship, that's almost a "fling".

Is there any other way of talking to him?
Nothing wrong with sending a text pointing out the fact that neither of you has heard from the other, apologise and say you've been rather busy and ask him what he's been up to.
You could be a bit cheeky and lie and say you'd lost your phone and that's why you didn't send a text, that you're surprised there was no text from him and ask jokingly if he's been too busy to think about sending a text.

Reply 8

Jontheone

To be perfectly honest, guys are basically the same as girls when it comes to this sort of stuff. Everyone likes attention, everyone likes to know that the other is thinking about them when they're not around. I think if u were particularly close at uni or good mates before hooking up, not talkin to u at all for a week or more does seem abit out of place if your looking to set up a proper relationship. If though it was just someone you only really got to know recently, then i really wouldn't worry about it.

facebook has shown him to have kissed another girl

Haha, swear facebook ends so many relationships...

Reply 9

Ten Green Bottles

2

Jontheone's right, guys are like girls when it comes to this. It's a shame to admit, but they are.

And I object to the thread title, guy's do not have minds outside of their testicles. :p:

Reply 10

Tiptoe

Thanks again for replying.

I have known this guy for nearly a year now. We met through work, ended up pulling each other a couple of times before things progressed in the summer, so I didn't know him that well - I didn't even have his number then.

All this stuff confuses me, I hate trying to second guess what people are thinking and I hate over analysing stuff. I guess I shall have to see what Saturday brings and take it from there.

Reply 11

Fluent in Lies

2

Texting is okay for saying 'the train is late, dinner is in the fridge x' but not okay for full on passionate conversations.

Reply 12

ladykk

i think guys are too like girls with this.....its not a big deel its a text and if they dont know manners then whyd ya want them. Dya reckon if he treats you like this-he'l be better when dating?

Reply 13

Philosoraptor

18

I wouldn't read anything into it either way.
Wait till you get back before you try and work anything out.

Guys and their minds?!

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