Lately I've been feeling so down about everything. My life looks positive on the outside I guess, I got decent A levels, I'm going to go to my dream university, my family is supportive, the future looks great. But I don't feel great.
I've felt depressed for almost 3 years now. I haven't seen a professional about it because of the stigma surrounding it, my family told me to turn to God. So I did, and it helped. I felt better when I prayed and I've been holding on to that. But lately looking more into religion, I don't know if I even agree with or believe in it any more. I still love God and I know He's out there but I've stopped praying and have almost lost all faith.
It's brought me crashing down again and now I feel so upset all the time. I just thing, is it even worth it? My family are very conservative and have put in place all kinds of rules I have to follow when I go to university, paired with a few threats to make sure the message really hits home. It's really putting the pressure on, I don't know I just feel like I don't want to live anymore. I hate every minute of my existence from the minute I wake up to the moment I fall asleep.
I guess I'm looking for some sort of reassurance, someone to tell me it'll be ok, that it's all worth something. Thanks for reading.
Or does it play no part?