The Student Room Group

Am I A Bad G/f -or Is He Too Emotional/controlling? **yes Or No Answers Appreciated*

Hello,

Me again, with more issues concerning me and my boyfriend. Anyways here it goes::

At the momently i feel like im being hard/harsh towards my boyfriend because im not overly emotional, eg: telling him i love him after every phone call/text. Not saying i miss him ect ALL the time. Or begging to meet up with him. I feel like im being mean, but i do wonder whether my boyfriend is just being controlling?!

When ever i say 'im going out tonight' or along those lines its always:

'who with' / 'where you going' - over and over again

and when i reply 'out to the pub' , he pushes it more saying 'who with' and when i dont tell him he goes all funny. It like he HAS to know. He even said 'I just want to know where you are and who your with' - BUT I DONT ASK HIM WHEN HE TELLS ME HE'S GOING OUT?!

Today, i was with my friends sam and kate. And he rang Sam, and sam told him he was with me and kate and what we were doing etc. Then, when i clal my boyfriend later he says:
'OOh heard you with with SAM and Kate' - in a jealous tone.

Whenever, we go out and there's a group of guys our age (18)or even older (40) he HAS to touch me in some way EG: hand or waist.

Furthermore, this week im really busy because of my birthdat etc. So i said i cnat see you untill Friday probally. So, tonight he said:

'what are you doing?', I replied saying i had to have dinner with my dad, and can't go out.' But he could come over if he wanted, but would be bored. lol.

then, he says stuff like 'oh your just putting off seeing me?'

and that 'i dont love him' (in a winning tone of voice).

It really annoys me that he says that, because i love him so much. Im just not the most vocal people about it. Plus, i hate it that he could use 'i love you' as a way of making me feel bad. UUURRRRRRRGGGHHH!!!

Is this just me?

SBJ x

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That post was strange. At some parts during it, I felt sorry for the lad, and at other times, I felt sorry for you.

Don't really know what to conclude from that.
Reply 2
Do you ever tell him you love him?
Reply 3
This isn't a criticism, just a question, but why would you ever refuse to tell him who you're going out with? I always ask my boyfriend (just out of interest) and if he wouldn't tell me I would probably get a bit funny about it.

Perhaps you're just not emotionally compatible, if you get what I mean? And the thing about when he touches you when other men are around might be some ego thing to do with the other men. That's just a guess though. Hmmm. It's kind of difficult to judge your situation because (and don't take this the wrong way) your story is quite one-sided, and I feel in some ways that we don't have all the information. Not that that's your fault.

EDIT: Thinking about it, the whole thing could be linked to an insecurity he might have that you don't love him as much as he loves you, because you don't say it as often. He may feel that you're reluctant to say it because you don't feel the need to say it too often and he does. It's quite painful to feel that, and it could easily make him worry that you'll start to prefer someone else and feel the need to keep an eye on who you're hanging out with out of paranoia. I'm not saying this makes controlling behaviour excusable, but it could be an explanation.
He's probably standing behind you as you type; doesn't that bother you?

Tell him to "take a chill pill".
Reply 5
It doesn't sound like really into him. Why are you with him?

It sounds like he feels you're out of his league (either because you genuinely are, or because he has low-confidence). It would explain his attitude of being possessive and jealous.

He's probably worried that if he loses you, he won't find a quick "replacement", whereas you probably don't have the same fear i.e. you could find another guy, just as great, in a flash.
It's nothing about her being "into him". She says she loves him, let's take her word for it.

OP - I know the feeling ell, i've been on both sides of that situation in the past. You really should tell him to get a grip, that's what i needed someone to do but nobody did but i soon grew out of it. Though the fcat that he's 18 and still doing it is of some concern.
There's nothing worse than having someone bineg too clingy and then when you're not able to see them they use emotional blackmail ("i love you" thing). I sympathise with you totally. When i was on your side of this situation in the past i let it go on for too long and ended up hating my gf for it, tell him now and try to sort it out before it's too late and you dump him or something. He needs to understand you have a life apart from him and he has to trust you.
Reply 7
SmilerNuts
It's nothing about her being "into him". She says she loves him, let's take her word for it.


You do whatever you like mate. How about that.

You can care about someone yet still believe that they're out of your league or you're out of their league. Saying you love someone can mean a million things and can also mean a million things about the attraction you have to them, hence the questions from Profesh: do you ever tell him you love him and myself: why are you with him? i.e. what are the reasons you're with him. What kind of attraction do you have?

It's not all black and white. That's why you need to ask more questions.
Reply 8
He sounds insecure - reassure him, perhaps. And talk to him about this - ask him why he acts the way he does and reassure him that you do really love him.

And as for telling him who you're going out with - why don't you tell him? I'd wanna know who my bf's going out with and I'd definitely grow funny if he refused to tell me. In fact, I ask him where he's going, who with AND when he's gonna be back :biggrin: He usually just says "I don't know" or "In a few hours maybe" - but such answers are fine by me, as long as I know the gist :p:

My bf even texts me when he's gonna be late, actually - I've never asked him to do that - he just does, which is nice of him :smile:

So just tell him who you're with if it'll give him peace of mind, and talk to him about this jealousy/insecurity issue. If this carries you, you're gonna end up breaking up, and there's no point in destroying a relationship when a bit of reassurance and chatting would save it.
Reply 9
To be honest, you say you love your boyfriend "so much", but from reading your post, you actually don't seem to be that into him, let alone in love with him. Have a think about that. Is there any grain of truth in what I'm suggesting?

It does sound like your boyfriend is a little insecure, but then again, it also sounds like he has reason to be. You say when you go out, "he HAS to touch" you, but surely you should want him to be touching you and/or holding your hand anyway? I think most couples enjoy these little discreet signs that they're together, which stop single people from approaching them and hitting on them. You sound to be irritated by them. I think that if you are irritated by your boyfriend trying to show some affection in public, you're either embarrassed of him, or deep down embarrassed that you're still with him and haven't found a way to leave him. Neither option sounds great, really.

If you're really busy and can't spend time with your boyfriend, that's fair enough. He should accept that. But if he suggests spending time with you at a time when you are actually free with nothing better to do, saying that he "could come over if he wanted, but would be bored" does sound like you don't really want him to be there. Surely you should be thinking of him all the time, and wanting to spend as much time together as possible?

Using "I love you" as a way of making you feel bad might be emotional blackmail. Never nice. But are you feeling bad because of what he's trying to achieve there, or because you don't love him and him saying he loves you, just highlights that fact?

I apologise if I'm totally off the mark, but if you're giving the majority of us the impression you don't love your boyfriend, is it any wonder why he doesn't feel loved?
Why didn't you create a poll? Anywho, I would of voted yes, without reading the post.
What a strange post. My answers

No.
No.
Shreerac27
Why didn't you create a poll? Anywho, I would of voted yes, without reading the post.

Voted yes to which one?
Reply 13
Tell him to chillax
shakirac
Tell him to chillax

Yay! Someone agrees with me :biggrin:
Reply 15
perhaps showing him you love him once in a while will make him a bit less insecure. You said yourself, you're not very emotional when it comes to those things..well try to be if you want to save your relationship and if you really want to be with him.

Anyway to answer your thread, no and no.
SmilerNuts
Voted yes to which one?


The "Am I A Bad G/f", I didn't read beyond that.
Shreerac27
The "Am I A Bad G/f", I didn't read beyond that.

You read 5 words in the title and that was what the decision was made on?
Reply 18
SFC_FOREVER!
At some parts during it, I felt sorry for the lad, and at other times, I felt sorry for you.

^^^

if he asks you where you're going, just tell him in future! it's a better idea than refusing to on principle and getting into an argument!

but yeah, doesn't seem like he trusts you, and i kind of get the idea you're not giving him much reason to trust you either. so prove to him that he can trust you.

and if he's still being annoying, then i don't think you're compatible. oh, and tell him to grow up.
SmilerNuts
You read 5 words in the title and that was what the decision was made on?


Well they were only short words.