As the title says,
my father and I have never got along, we have had many many problems.
My dad seems to make my life a misery everyday, most of all about the clothes I wear, yesterday my button was open frm the top he goes "YOU WHORE" u have no self respect blah blah, the thing is its getting me down, the weather is hot, and really boiling and I often get skin burns, and rashes in this weather especially if I am covered, he has been making life hell for me.
Then he normally goes " I WILL NOT TALK TO U ANYMORE, DO WHAT YOU WANT THE WORLD WILL SHOW YOU U JUST WATCH" this hurts because when I wear something that makes me feel happy , he always makes a horrible comment which makes me feeling low all day and sad with super low self esteem.
He has complained to collegues about my clothes and they sometimes side with him but most of the time, they tell him to stop being so over protective.
I am typing this in a hurry because he is comming to collect me so he is going to drop me of to work.
Anyway, its summer now I would love to wear those cute Kaftan dresses with highheels, and look sexy, but he just tells me I am a whore + slut.
I like attention but not slutty attention, I get a lot of attention anyway even when im covered and if a guy makes a comment about me walking by he would yell and go mental at my clothes in front of him.
I love pencil skirts with a nice top he doesnt like it when I show my legs, it doesnt help as we are muslims, and he is from Pakistan, I am beginning to despise my religion and culture.
And I know a lot of you might be offended but I am beggining to hate Pakistanis and I hate to make contact with any since I have had horrible experiences with them. I am driving away from my religion and idk whats happening to me, I dont like my relatives, I went to Pakistan and was neglected by my family because of my clothes, and all my cousins were jealous.
I told him once " I hate pakistanis, and I dont want to marry one either" he fumed, and goes you mental bitch u watch when you marry a non pakistani they will all betray u and use for sex.
I dont believe that, I just dont want to have anything to do with pakistanis, really im sick of the culture and sick of the lifestyles, its all about money with them and too much restrictions, I dont know how people will react to this but this is how I am feeling and I really cant control myself i need to let this out because its killing me.
I do self harm and did the other day , my parents and brothers ganged up on me and called me mental, they were ok with me for one day and the next day everything was back to normal...I mean do I have to self harm to get them to be nice to me?
I dont want to , because it is my only outlet.
Also a guy at work who is greek will be taking me out to dinner he is 50 and im 18 , he gives me the father like figure and pays attention to me, im so worried ... i just dont know what else to say
I dont like my father at all, but my mother is always siding him which makes me dislike her much.
My mind is so dead and all over the place, im really on the edge now, and I will explode im so scared and depressed. Please dont attack me for saying this as I am seriously very depressed and upset.