Online dating. Watch

billbonesknowswhatimean
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#21
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#21
Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
A man is born, he's a man of means.
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.

But they got, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story
Everybody finds a way to shine,
It don't matter that you got not alot
So what,
They'll have theirs, and you'll have yours, and I'll have mine.
And together we'll be fine....

Because it takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.
Yes it does.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.
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Quita
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#22
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#22
As long as you are careful I don't think internet relationsips are that bad.. I've had a few gone sour and a few that I was lucky with. My current girlfriend I met online, and she is exactly the person she said she was and comes across just the way she did online.

And no i dont use internet sites because I'm sad or I can't meet anyone.. it's just quite difficult when you live in an area with one gay bar/club and everyone has been with everyone else.
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devils_nose
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#23
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#23
Nothing wrong with dating sites, good way to meet people with similar interests if you are looking for a partner. There is a certain stigma attached to it, which is mightily unfair IMO, but people mock what they don't understand and my advice would be to ignore it - how you met is totally irrelevant if you find someone special
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Tufts
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#24
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#24
thumbs up to dating sites. You meet some weirdos and some not so weirdos. Just like 'real' life.
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Tufts
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#25
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#25
so which are the best dating sites? :teeth:

It is probably wiser to pay, no? Then you know you've got a higher chance of quality and not just people pissing around.
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billbonesknowswhatimean
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Tufts)
thumbs up to dating sites. You meet some weirdos and some not so weirdos. Just like 'real' life.
*shakes head*
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Tufts
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#27
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#27
(Original post by billbonesknowswhatimean)
*shakes head*
ellaborate
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billbonesknowswhatimean
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#28
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#28
please venture a guess
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Anonymous #1
#29
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#29
I met my bf from the internet, 4 years on were living together and i wouldnt change it for the world!
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devils_nose
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#30
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#30
I always find it astonishing that it is 'so sad' to meet prospective partners through dating sites, it is by far the most effecient way of narrowing the field and ensuring you actually meet (face to face) someone that has similar interests/beliefs/whatever is important to you. Obviously, you can't tell online if there will be a spark of anything more but that is what the real life meet is for and if it doesn't work out then back to the drawing board.

The number of people who are so narrow-minded about this sort of thing astounds me even more when I encounter them in online communities, such as this.
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Sticky
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#31
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#31
(Original post by devils_nose)
I always find it astonishing that it is 'so sad' to meet prospective partners through dating sites, it is by far the most effecient way of narrowing the field and ensuring you actually meet (face to face) someone that has similar interests/beliefs/whatever is important to you. Obviously, you can't tell online if there will be a spark of anything more but that is what the real life meet is for and if it doesn't work out then back to the drawing board.
I don't think it's sad, I think it's just inefficient and not right. The way that people usually get together "naturally" starts with the physical presence of the other. That first impression means a lot more than people realise.

Of course, you can always meet in person and see if the spark is there but I've found that people have invested quite a lot emotionally and have got their hopes up, so by the time they actually meet, they try to fill in anything that isn't there and should be (if they had just met someone randomly for the first time and were attracted). They sometimes ignore the physical attraction or how well the interaction is going.

I don't think it's "back to the drawing board" for a lot of people. People have spent a lot of time getting to know the other person. The probability that there will be the physical spark and also the right interaction (something you can only really see when you meet) is quite small. Whereas you can meet 100 people in one evening and quickly realise there are only 1 or 2 people you feel happy around, who says that that person you met online is more likely (i.e. more than 1 or 2% chance) to be the right fit? So even if it isn't a right fit, people become more lenient, which is incoherent with what they say they're looking for in the other person.

I think that people become a lot more lenient in terms of physical attraction and the interaction than they would in real life: i.e. a girl who is approached by a guy she doesn't know and who is not comfortable with his behaviour, that she finds incredibly unattractive, will not hesitate to leave. Whereas she will put up with the SAME behaviour in a guy she's been speaking to on the internet.

Of course if you become lenient, open up then you're more likely to feel close to someone! The trouble is these days, so many people are closed up, embarassed socially, care too much about their appearance, that they never do open up and walk around, putting on a front.

It might make some people happy but there's something missing for me in online dating. I would consider it if I was a lot older/busier and had the excuse of not being able to go out and meet people, but I don't.
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Tufts
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#32
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#32
(Original post by billbonesknowswhatimean)
please venture a guess
If I could read minds I wouldn't be crasting on TSR
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xXMessedUpXx
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#33
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#33
lol i could do with a dating site *sigh* trying to find a guy IRL has so far proved futile
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$am0th
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#34
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#34
i could use on for finding a girl heh, always seem to fall flat on my face irl ;/
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devils_nose
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#35
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#35
(Original post by Sticky)
I don't think it's sad, I think it's just inefficient and not right. The way that people usually get together "naturally" starts with the physical presence of the other. That first impression means a lot more than people realise.

Of course, you can always meet in person and see if the spark is there but I've found that people have invested quite a lot emotionally and have got their hopes up, so by the time they actually meet, they try to fill in anything that isn't there and should be (if they had just met someone randomly for the first time and were attracted). They sometimes ignore the physical attraction or how well the interaction is going.

I don't think it's "back to the drawing board" for a lot of people. People have spent a lot of time getting to know the other person. The probability that there will be the physical spark and also the right interaction (something you can only really see when you meet) is quite small. Whereas you can meet 100 people in one evening and quickly realise there are only 1 or 2 people you feel happy around, who says that that person you met online is more likely (i.e. more than 1 or 2% chance) to be the right fit? So even if it isn't a right fit, people become more lenient, which is incoherent with what they say they're looking for in the other person.

I think that people become a lot more lenient in terms of physical attraction and the interaction than they would in real life: i.e. a girl who is approached by a guy she doesn't know and who is not comfortable with his behaviour, that she finds incredibly unattractive, will not hesitate to leave. Whereas she will put up with the SAME behaviour in a guy she's been speaking to on the internet.

Of course if you become lenient, open up then you're more likely to feel close to someone! The trouble is these days, so many people are closed up, embarassed socially, care too much about their appearance, that they never do open up and walk around, putting on a front.

It might make some people happy but there's something missing for me in online dating. I would consider it if I was a lot older/busier and had the excuse of not being able to go out and meet people, but I don't.
I certainly disagree with you on most of those points but I have to admire the way in which you put your argument across. It is a rare thing to encounter someone who has actually put some real thought into why they don't like dating sites and I'm impressed (I appreciate that sounds patronising but really isn't meant in that way at all!)

I suppose it comes down to how desperate your search for a partner has become, I don't believe I know any women who would put up with behaviour from a net guy that she wouldn't from someone she met in a pub/club and I would hope that cuts both ways. I think people are prepared to compromise after a lengthy and disappointing search, whatever means they are using to find someone.

First impressions are important but they can also be misleading, some people just come across differently to how that actually are upon first acquaintance, whether its false bravado/confidence to mask an insecurity or shyness that evaporates after the ice has broken - both of which can be enough to make a prospective partner walk away from a chance meeting in a pub.

Its definitely something that works for some and not for others - I actually haven't tried it myself, but I wouldn't rule it out if I was single.
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billbonesknowswhatimean
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#36
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#36
if u cant be a***d to go out and find someone, then u deserve to be with someone who'll log-in and do the same. tho the whole idea has a kind of..inbreeding feel to it. the "online community" (the two words contradict eachother) will eventually just keep spewing out more generic forum goers who'll start naming their kids after ridiculous net-trates such as "rofl" and other idiosyncrasies of a limited subculture which will continue to corner itself into a world where communication and romanticism are dead.

basically, get the f*xk out of your house and meet people
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Sticky
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#37
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#37
Cheers for the compliment (I think...)

It's more out of experience. I've found myself several times, realising that I wasn't happy with someone I'd met online, but only much later on in the relationship. I could always trace the problem to the first day I actually met in person and realising that, as much as I find her rather attractive, and that we got on so well online, on the phone...I probably wouldn't jump straight in, if we had just met: I'm not sure there would be that much attraction.

I still think that a girl would have different expectations for a guy she's met in a bar and one she's met online. If the guy isn't particularly attractive, is not that great to be around and there's no real spark, she won't hesitate one second to just blank the guy out if it's in a club, whereas she might be a lot more understanding/tolerant/lenient if they previously met online.

How many people do you usually find yourself drawn to in real life? Probably not that many so why would you be more likely to be drawn to that person you've been talking to online for so long? That "spark", the one you can only find out if you have it, once you meet, probably won't be there. People overlook hundreds/thousands of people in real life because there's no spark, yet online do they meet up with hundreds of people before they find the one where there's a "spark". I very much doubt it.

Some people are pragmatic and don't believe in the need for any amazing physical attraction or any spark, and just need a partner, any partner, who they can get on with and they can lead very happy lives that way.
I'm probably a bit of a (bruised) romantic: I'd much rather remember meeting my partner somewhere special rather than on the net. I might end up eating my words though.
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devils_nose
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#38
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#38
Hmm, well, I don't necessarily believe you are more likely to meet someone online than in real life, just that its not a particularly worse way to meet someone.

I did actually meet my current bf online (just not through a dating site) through a forum rather like this one (but not :p:) I don't know whether we would have gotten together if we had met in the real world or not.. I expect we would both be too shy to talk to eachother, certainly in the past I have always been approached IRL and never approached myself (not old-fashioned, just scared!) And when I think about meeting my fella, I do actually think about the first day we physically met, since we never had any intention of a relationship before that point - as far as I know!

I guess I'm not too sure on the format that dating sites use - is there a lengthy courting process before meeting in person? I would think it would be sensible to meet sooner rather than later so expectations don't get too high.
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Sticky
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#39
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#39
(Original post by devils_nose)
I guess I'm not too sure on the format that dating sites use - is there a lengthy courting process before meeting in person? I would think it would be sensible to meet sooner rather than later so expectations don't get too high.
That's definitely an important piece of advice. The trouble is, I feel that a lot of people get "close" before they actually meet and it's because they got close that they met up.

Because it's so rare for a "spark" to be there, it seems that people either kid themselves into thinking it's there (whereas they would never give this person a second glance in real life. A photo can't tell you what it's like to be around that person either, how they behave) or just decide that there's more to a relationship than love at first sight and instant physical attraction. They're probably right, as in that's how you become satisfied in a relationship anyway: by not getting your expectations too high. I know plenty of people who would rather settle for less attractive if they can be sure to have a happy and safe relationship.
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