Worried

Some of you have probably heard it before, been with my boyfriend for 3 years - not had sex as I'm scared. Have picked up some tips to try and relax so I should try soon. The thing is though I have only seen him 2 hours a week in the last 4 weeks and we don't see each other weekends as he goes away with his parents. We only chat on the phone for 5 minutes a day now whereas it used to be from 25-40 minutes.

He is even encouraging me to go away with my family whereas when we first started dating he was against it. I am scared he has met someone else or wants the relationship to be over and is giving me reasons to end it. My friend isn't helpful as she says dump him as she don't like him. Can't talk to anyone else as everyone thinks I have had sex. I just wish things were great again.

Reply 1

Goodkat

Well, firstly if your friend doesn't like him that's her problem, the decision is up to you. You really need to talk to your boyfriend. I will say however, 3 years in a relationship is a hell of a long time without sex. I know I personally need to have sex in a relationship otherwise it just doesn't seem complete to me; I need that intimacy with my partner.

You're missing out.

maybe he's just feeling more secure in the relationship, don't read too much into it.

and i'm sure having sex with him will bring the sparkle back :smile:

Reply 4

LooLoo27

OP

We tried to have some fun earlier but he couldn't relax and lost his erection. He says he has low confidence, I wanted to cry as he looked so sad and I want to help him.

Reply 5

Cirsium

19

Without wishing to come over all sex-therapist on you, are you guys sort of trying to jump into it now you've decided maybe you're ok with it? Biggest tip: when you get a chance spend literally like an hour as close to naked as you're ok with, kissing, touching whatever but leave off the ... ok basically don't touch him up :wink:

Just you know stroke his chest, kiss his ears - all that jazz. Half the problem is trying to do it, when you're scared and you're losing the intimacy which is what you need most.

Reply 6

LooLoo27

OP

Tried having sex last night, thing is when we plan sex I can't get turned on, whereas the times I know we are not going to have it I get aroused. He has been great bless him but he think after a few minutes of foreplay me not being turned on means it isn't going to happen :rolleyes:

He says he can't wait much longer (fair enough its been a long time) but is supporting me as I want to go to Relate and buy some dilators. I want this to work for me and him as I hate seeing upset and rejected. I can't walk away as I want to marry him and have a family with him - I know I would have this problem with someone else so it has to be sorted. Does alcohol really help?

Reply 7

*Katie*

1

Bekaboo

Without wishing to come over all sex-therapist on you, are you guys sort of trying to jump into it now you've decided maybe you're ok with it? Biggest tip: when you get a chance spend literally like an hour as close to naked as you're ok with, kissing, touching whatever but leave off the ... ok basically don't touch him up :wink:

Just you know stroke his chest, kiss his ears - all that jazz. Half the problem is trying to do it, when you're scared and you're losing the intimacy which is what you need most.

Did you listen to this advice? It's good!
Try that, and if you're ready, then take it further.
And yes, a few glasses of wine could help. Not 2 bottles, though!

Go with the flow.

LooLoo27

Tried having sex last night, thing is when we plan sex I can't get turned on, whereas the times I know we are not going to have it I get aroused. He has been great bless him but he think after a few minutes of foreplay me not being turned on means it isn't going to happen :rolleyes:

He says he can't wait much longer (fair enough its been a long time) but is supporting me as I want to go to Relate and buy some dilators. I want this to work for me and him as I hate seeing upset and rejected. I can't walk away as I want to marry him and have a family with him - I know I would have this problem with someone else so it has to be sorted. Does alcohol really help?

Your boyfriend sounds great :smile:

I haven't heard of many guys willing to wait 3 years..he obviously loves you an awful lot.

Try to relax, alcohol could help you as long as you only have a couple of glasses. Also..invest in some lube..should make it a whole lot easier for both of you! :smile:

Try not to think about the fact that your about to have sex too much. Your obviously both really comfortable with eachother, so just take it slow and you'll be fine!

Worried

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