TSR DECISIONS DROP IN Q and A NOW OPEN - GET FREE ADVICE HERE >>

My friend broke up with me for the wrong reasons

Hi everyone,

I've been friends with A for four years, two years of which we spent together every single day. We went to the same school, same classes, same bus at home. We even sat next to each other in those classes for those two years. :rolleyes:

I thought I could tell her everything and while we had very different view points about lots of things, it never came in the way. She was a very good friend. So, after school I went off to university in another country and we continued to meet when I was back for the summer.

This summer, I told her I had sex for the first time thinking she would understand it despite strongly believing in no sex before marriage. She seemed fine when I told her (That was a month ago). But she's been avoiding me for this entire month. She very rarely answers my calls...Claiming she's busy with summer school...I met her when I went out with other friends only twice and she was distant. I asked her why but she didn't answer.

Last night on MSN, she tells me she doesn't want to be my friend anymore claiming she can't relate to me because I've had sex and because I crossed this final border. She also said she was shocked that I was drunk when she called me on my birthday (She's anti alcohol too but she knows I'm not!)

She said she doesn't want to associate with me because I will ruin her reputation and when I tried to reason with her, she asked me to ''stop pleading''.

I called her today to talk things over but she cut my phone. :eek:

I know she can't possibly be a friend if isn't willing to accept this. I'm just shocked at how she avoided me for an entire month without telling me she disapproved.

I've had this horrible feeling since then and I can't think of anything else. She's also made me feel guilty about having a boyfriend (She can't possibly be jealous because she has one too). I feel terrible and I just want to be happy again. I'm leaving for uni in 2 days and I don't want to waste my time moping about. Any help with dealing with her or this thing?

It's not terribly serious but it just makes me sad.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Chewwy

she sounds like a bit of a, for want of a better word - loser, and a stuck-up loser at that. move on with your life, make friends with people whom you have more things in common, and don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you upset. at the end of the day, it's her who's missing out on enjoying her life.

Reply 2

Dittoo

Why does she not wanna know you because youve had sex?

Sounds like shes got feelings for you...

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Isn't it shocking? I've never heard of someone who stopped talking to her friend because they didn't agree to with their actions.

And that too, without any sort of warning...She could have told me she wasn't happy with the way I was living my life and I would have taken her into account but to cut me off like this...I just don't get it.

It's not easy to move on because we've had a fantastic history. We've never, ever had a fight and I haven't seen her getting angry with anyone. I even removed her from my friends on Facebook so now, I am literally less by one friend. She acted like her judging me for my choices was a normal thing to do! It's just made me realise how you can never be too sure about your friends. And you know those stupid cliches where they say you should be glad to have one true friend because they're so hard to come by...I've just truly realised what that means. :frown:

Dittoo - There's no way she has feelings for me...Homosexuality is one of the things she disapproves of.

Reply 4

.Adrian.

i reckon she feels left outand doesnt want to be always living with ur shadowww

Reply 5

Sanity Panda

Passive aggressive behaviour...

Actually I just find it weird, what reputation is she talking about exactly? To be honest, she sounds like the horrible religious stereotypes that you always see in TV programs.

Reply 6

silverbolt

agreeing with chevvy on this one she sounds like a stuck up gimp,

Op live your life and enjoy it - people like that just hold you backa dn drag you down

Reply 7

Dittoo

Anonymous

Dittoo - There's no way she has feelings for me...Homosexuality is one of the things she disapproves of.

Oh, my bad, i thought you were a guy, it wasnt that clear in the original post.

Reply 8

*Katie*

What a judgemental bitch.
It's fair enough to have your own views (call it morals if you like), but to impose them on others is simply ridiculous. Especially as she didn't so much as apologise for viewing you differently, but acted as though it was a totally natural thing to do. Seriously, how on earth does having sex mean you're not as funny, caring, and loyal as you were before? :rolleyes:

Urgh, it's people like her that make people flinch when they hear I'm a Christian.

Reply 9

yellow96

Anonymous

Isn't it shocking? I've never heard of someone who stopped talking to her friend because they didn't agree to with their actions.

Seriously?

While her reasons for refusing to speak to you seem ridiculous, if she feels that strongly about these issues then it's no more unusual than if she stopped speaking to you because you go around slaughtering animals or some such thing. You don't need people like this in your life, but I don't think it's weird that she feels so strongly about it. What's probably happened is that your differing lifestyles have forced you to drift apart, and so she was looking for a reason to kill the friendship anyway. Either that, or her views are dictated to her by her parents or religion, and she resents your freedom. Just let it go.

Reply 10

username47781

What a silly shallow girl, it's her loss if she's giving you the cold shoulder.

Reply 11

Philosoraptor

On the one hand, it does perturb me somewhat that going out to get drunk, rather than going out to drink has become a complete norm for most people; sex seen as to be with anyone anytime too.

However, I would never have stopped being your friend for it, (otherwise I'd be seriously low on friends :wink:

), but seriously I'm not perfect either, and as long as you stay to your own convictions it's fine to hang out with people with different beliefs.

If she is Christian, you should have tried mentioning the fact Jesus forgave everyone, or the 'let he who is without sin throw the first stone' .

Reply 12

decoy

I'd just move on, Make friends with people who aren't so judgemental.

It's her loss at the end of the day.

Reply 13

Ichamackalooloo

Damn, she's throwing her toys out of the pram!!! I know you're probabley hurting but I think you're better off without her. People and their opinions change, I wouldn't worry about it. Its not your fault you have a life.

Reply 14

daggy

She seems like a bit of a loser to me like. Lets hope she never reproduces 'cos she'll blatantly be one of those uber strict mothers - remember kids 'dont talk to strangers, actually scratch that everybodys the devil, DON'T TALK TO ANYONE!!!'

As for what you should do. Well your at uni now so you have a whole year to get over her before you need to think about seeing her... times the best healer!!

Reply 15

generalebriety

jennella

I'd just move on, Make friends with people who aren't so judgemental.

It's her loss at the end of the day.

Rock Fan

What a silly shallow girl, it's her loss if she's giving you the cold shoulder.

Any chance of a bit of rational thought before you post this optimistic rubbish? It's obvious it's the OP's loss. Her friend clearly hasn't cared for a month, but the OP's been worried for that long and is clearly still worried now. It's not her friend's loss at all. Her friend doesn't care.

That small point said, I agree with other people's advice. Try and move on and be friends with people who'll accept you for who you are.

Reply 16

DarK LinK

What a stuck-up cow. You don't need her anyway.

Reply 17

invisible_gal

OP, sorry for what happened with your friend. I know from experience how upsetting it can be when a friend judges you over something you've done that you see nothing wrong with and then that friend distances themself from you.
I can say all the stuff written above, like it's your loss and she doesn't sound like someone you'd really want to be friends with anyway, but you've still lost a friend.
All you can do I guess is to try to talk to her, ask her why she can't accept that you have different beliefs from her and understand that. Maybe try sending her an email or a letter just saying that she's your friend even though you have different beliefs but you feel she ought to respect that. I understand why you want to fix things with her but no matter what way you look at it, your friend treated you badly and surely you could find someone more understanding and more deserving of your friendship.

Reply 18

grammar_king

Philosoraptor

On the one hand, it does perturb me somewhat that going out to get drunk, rather than going out to drink has become a complete norm for most people; sex seen as to be with anyone anytime too.

I agree, but the OP was talking about being drunk on her birthday, and having sex for the first time at uni, hardly chavscum of society.

This girl is one of the many reason why I know longer consider myself a Christian. From what you've said she seems extremely pretentious, judgemental and up herself. I have a friend who shares similar views but he'd never judge people for what they do, as long as it's not too bad.