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Living alone for the first time
Hi everyone,
I've recently ended a 2 year relationship where I lived with my boyfriend. I feel really sad and sick to my stomach but it truly was for the best. We wanted different things from life as he was 13 years older than me. The relationship was going in a bad direction with constant arguments and resentment.
Luckily we are still friends but I have to move out and find a place of my own to live in whilst I'm at university. And I've never done that. I dont know what to expect and its scaring me.
Before I lived with my boyfriend I was in my childhood home with my mother. So I have no idea what to expect when it comes to living alone. Simple things like paying bills and getting groceries are alien to me. It appears that I've been wrapped in cotton wool all my life and now I'm being dumped in the deep end.
Can anyone offer a positive slant on this? What are the great things about leaving the nest? About living alone? I need to stop feeling so scared and weepy. I have important exams in 2 weeks.
Can anyone with offer some advice?
xx
I've recently ended a 2 year relationship where I lived with my boyfriend. I feel really sad and sick to my stomach but it truly was for the best. We wanted different things from life as he was 13 years older than me. The relationship was going in a bad direction with constant arguments and resentment.
Luckily we are still friends but I have to move out and find a place of my own to live in whilst I'm at university. And I've never done that. I dont know what to expect and its scaring me.
Before I lived with my boyfriend I was in my childhood home with my mother. So I have no idea what to expect when it comes to living alone. Simple things like paying bills and getting groceries are alien to me. It appears that I've been wrapped in cotton wool all my life and now I'm being dumped in the deep end.
Can anyone offer a positive slant on this? What are the great things about leaving the nest? About living alone? I need to stop feeling so scared and weepy. I have important exams in 2 weeks.
Can anyone with offer some advice?
xx
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First things first, concentrate on your exams. I know it's going to be hard but those are more important to you than anything just now.
Once those are out of the way, ask other people for help. There will be friends and family members who will have been through the whole "living alone for the first time" thing before and will help you with stuff like how to pay bills and buy groceries and the like.
Although you'll be living on your own, as long as you have people you can ask for help then you'll never really be alone as such.
PM me if you need any more help, OP.
Once those are out of the way, ask other people for help. There will be friends and family members who will have been through the whole "living alone for the first time" thing before and will help you with stuff like how to pay bills and buy groceries and the like.
Although you'll be living on your own, as long as you have people you can ask for help then you'll never really be alone as such.
PM me if you need any more help, OP.
Have you thought about renting a room in a house with some university friends? That may be an idea.
On a positive note, living on your own can be liberating and you will have your own independence
With regard to bills etc and how to pick teh best supplier I would seek advcie off your mum and your ex bf (As you did say that you are on gd terms) then where possible set up direct debits and be aware of the payments and the payment dates for each months ensuring that they get paid.
If will be daunting but you will be fine.
If you still feel unbearably lonely have you considered perhaps renting a room out to a friend from uni?
The reason you feel so scared is because you have gone from living with your man of 2 years where by you were never erally alone and he took over the practical things such as paying bills. After any relationship you will feel lonely and I suppose that combined with your fear of being totally independent is completely normal but you will cope.
On a positive note, living on your own can be liberating and you will have your own independence
With regard to bills etc and how to pick teh best supplier I would seek advcie off your mum and your ex bf (As you did say that you are on gd terms) then where possible set up direct debits and be aware of the payments and the payment dates for each months ensuring that they get paid.If will be daunting but you will be fine.
If you still feel unbearably lonely have you considered perhaps renting a room out to a friend from uni?
The reason you feel so scared is because you have gone from living with your man of 2 years where by you were never erally alone and he took over the practical things such as paying bills. After any relationship you will feel lonely and I suppose that combined with your fear of being totally independent is completely normal but you will cope.
OK, first of all, good on you for having the strength to leave a relationship that wasn't good for you
I can completely understand that the thought of living completely alone, when you've never done so before, is daunting. However, this means you can do things your way, which is very important given that you've just come out of a relationship and are probably feeling a bit fragile.
Have you found a place to live yet? If not, you need to sort that out. Are you more likely to rent or buy? Either way, get yourself to an estate agent and they'll talk you through everything. There's also the possibility of house-sharing, which would of course mean you're not living alone and factors in the possibility of sharing some of the core bills such as water and electricity.
Once you've sorted yourself a place to live, you need to arrange to move in, whether it means driving you and your stuff there, getting someone else to drive you there, or hiring a moving company. I'm pretty sure there are moving companies that cater particularly for students if you still are a student.
You also need to sit down and work out a budget from your salary. Figure out how much you can afford to spend on food and bills, how much you can save for the future and how much you can put aside for going out (you do still need a social life after all!).
Then write a list of all the things you don't know how to do. Don't know how to work a washing machine or how to iron/fold stuff? Write it down. Don't know how to pay a bill? Write it all down, and when you've finished take it to a relative, sit down and say "so how does this work?" and write down everything you need to remember. There's no shame in asking. If you haven't got any relatives who can help you, just come here and ask us - I'm sure someone will be able to help. (You mention grocery shopping - it's pretty much a no-brainer once you've worked out your food budget. just make a shopping list, take a calculator with you if you have to, and off you go.)
It just seems huge at the moment because you haven't broken it down - and once you have, you'll feel much better.
I can completely understand that the thought of living completely alone, when you've never done so before, is daunting. However, this means you can do things your way, which is very important given that you've just come out of a relationship and are probably feeling a bit fragile.
Have you found a place to live yet? If not, you need to sort that out. Are you more likely to rent or buy? Either way, get yourself to an estate agent and they'll talk you through everything. There's also the possibility of house-sharing, which would of course mean you're not living alone and factors in the possibility of sharing some of the core bills such as water and electricity.
Once you've sorted yourself a place to live, you need to arrange to move in, whether it means driving you and your stuff there, getting someone else to drive you there, or hiring a moving company. I'm pretty sure there are moving companies that cater particularly for students if you still are a student.
You also need to sit down and work out a budget from your salary. Figure out how much you can afford to spend on food and bills, how much you can save for the future and how much you can put aside for going out (you do still need a social life after all!).
Then write a list of all the things you don't know how to do. Don't know how to work a washing machine or how to iron/fold stuff? Write it down. Don't know how to pay a bill? Write it all down, and when you've finished take it to a relative, sit down and say "so how does this work?" and write down everything you need to remember. There's no shame in asking. If you haven't got any relatives who can help you, just come here and ask us - I'm sure someone will be able to help. (You mention grocery shopping - it's pretty much a no-brainer once you've worked out your food budget. just make a shopping list, take a calculator with you if you have to, and off you go.)
It just seems huge at the moment because you haven't broken it down - and once you have, you'll feel much better.
phew. Thank you everyone. Your posts are really motivational
Yes I'm still a student. I have 2 more years left.
I'm told that the students union can help with finding accomodation?
What is a house sharing situation like? Is it crowded or do you still have some space?
Yes I'm still a student. I have 2 more years left.
I'm told that the students union can help with finding accomodation?
What is a house sharing situation like? Is it crowded or do you still have some space?
Yep, totally agree with the above posts - concentrate on exams
I remember a short time ago, although my problem was not as serious as yours (
) my rent did increase and received the hugest electricity bill ever so I was working harder than ever - I just REALLY had to think EXAMS 24/7.
It worked, yay I passed them all. So yeah, now I'm a lot happier with a degree to boot.
HTH xo
I remember a short time ago, although my problem was not as serious as yours (
) my rent did increase and received the hugest electricity bill ever so I was working harder than ever - I just REALLY had to think EXAMS 24/7. It worked, yay I passed them all. So yeah, now I'm a lot happier with a degree to boot.
HTH xo
Anonymous
I'm told that the students union can help with finding accomodation?
What is a house sharing situation like? Is it crowded or do you still have some space?
What is a house sharing situation like? Is it crowded or do you still have some space?
That's right, they can!
House sharing can be very good, from my experience (of friend's, not my own I must say) the normal set up is a room to yourself with shared bathroom, livingroom and kitchen. It's very social but you always have somewhere to escape to and be in your own company. I know a lot of people who have been and who are in this situation and it seems to have worked out well for them. All I really suggest is that you make sure you know and trust the people you move in with, if you do go for this option. Of course that's not always needed as you could be moving in with people you don't know, but personally I would rather share with people I do know because it'd cut down on awkwardness and finding out that you cannot stand being within twenty-five feet of that person after you've moved in. Good luck though, I know it's a daunting prospect but you have people on here to give you advice and who will share their experiences with you and I'm sure you'll have people around you who'll do the same. It's all a matter of time and this is just a step that you'd have to take eventually anyway.
Anonymous
I'm told that the students union can help with finding accomodation?
What is a house sharing situation like? Is it crowded or do you still have some space?
I'm told that the students union can help with finding accomodation?
What is a house sharing situation like? Is it crowded or do you still have some space?
Yes, you SU might put out a housing list.
There are ALWAYS more rooms than there are students in the private sector so you will definitely be able to find a room
Contact your SU and ask where to start!living on your own is fun . . . my housemate from has gone home for summer vac , , ,and i've got thje house to myself , , ,and i'm loving it
Shared accomodation can be great or it can be a nightmare, it's always a bit of a gamble. It just depends on who you're staying with.
Oh the good things about living alone... plenty! Where to start is the hard part 
Loving my life atm, don't worry you will too, head up and keep on being happy and positive - good things WILL happen xo
Loving my life atm, don't worry you will too, head up and keep on being happy and positive - good things WILL happen
xodanni_bella
Oh the good things about living alone... plenty! Where to start is the hard part
Agreed, my lass. I can remember when I was about to live alone for the first time, I was absoultely bricking it. I depended on my mum for so much and was pretty much useless around the house when it came to cooking, paying bills, managing my money etc.
Now I don't like going back home to visit my family because I don't get time alone!
Should just point out that if you do end up house-sharing with people you don't know, it's hardly the end of the world! I shared in my second year with 3people I'd never met before and 2 people I only knew slightly, and I left on good terms with 4 out of 5 of them (the one I didn't get on with being one of the people I didn't know at all before moving in). Seriously, most people are reasonable, and chances are you will get on with most if not all of the people you live with, even if you didn't know them before. I saw it as an opportunity to make friends, and I certainly got that
I just started living on my own about 2 months ago. It is really weird at first that you're not around other people at night time and stuff each day, but you do get more and more used to it (I was terrified the first few nights!) Some of the best things are:
[*]Get to come home whenever without having to worry about waking other people up
[*]Don't have to tidy up other people's mess!;
[*]Can walk around naked
[*]Get to come home whenever without having to worry about waking other people up
[*]Don't have to tidy up other people's mess!;
[*]Can walk around naked
Shreerac27
I just started living on my own about 2 months ago. It is really weird at first that you're not around other people at night time and stuff each day, but you do get more and more used to it (I was terrified the first few nights!) Some of the best things are:
[*]Get to come home whenever without having to worry about waking other people up
[*]Don't have to tidy up other people's mess!;
[*]Can walk around naked
[*]Get to come home whenever without having to worry about waking other people up
[*]Don't have to tidy up other people's mess!;
[*]Can walk around naked
lol sounds good.
Tell me about your first week alone. That's what I'm most scared about.
Anonymous
lol sounds good.
Tell me about your first week alone. That's what I'm most scared about.
Tell me about your first week alone. That's what I'm most scared about.
Well because I had moved to a new area I spent the time checking out where the local shops are and exploring the area. I didn't have the internet at that point so I pretty much has no communication (I got through a lot of texts!!). I just watched a lot of TV in the evenings. Had fun doing cooking and stuff.
The main thing is to try an get outside each day, even if its just a walk around the block or whatever.
Shreerac27
Well because I had moved to a new area I spent the time checking out where the local shops are and exploring the area. I didn't have the internet at that point so I pretty much has no communication (I got through a lot of texts!!). I just watched a lot of TV in the evenings. Had fun doing cooking and stuff.
The main thing is to try an get outside each day, even if its just a walk around the block or whatever.
The main thing is to try an get outside each day, even if its just a walk around the block or whatever.
Thank you. Good advice
The thing is my lad/lass, it's a scary prospect but once you experience it you actually find it gives you a whole new world of reedom to do whatever you want. Life opens up for you.
A couple of weeks after you've moved into your own place you'll wonder why you were ever worried about it.
A couple of weeks after you've moved into your own place you'll wonder why you were ever worried about it.
King Hippo
A couple of weeks after you've moved into your own place you'll wonder why you were ever worried about it.
A couple of weeks after you've moved into your own place you'll wonder why you were ever worried about it.
Is that true? I'm coming around to the idea, slowly.
Yeah Its true that after a couple of weeks you'll stop worrying about it. It is scary at first though definatly. Tbh I'd rather live with someone though, itll be good when my housemate moves in.
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