im so unconfident and scared.. Watch

Sonicyouf
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#1
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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Im just about to go into my second year at uni and im really dreading going back. I didnt really make any friends in my first year, apart from two people - ones failed and not coming back this year and the other has chosen a different course route meaning i wont see them. Im so unconfident and find it really hard to make friends, i just dont know what to do because im really scared about starting the new term, being all alone in lectures and seminars. all my old friends are off at uni having a great time and they all have loads of friends, but i hate going out clubbing which really makes it hard for me to get to know ppl. any advice.. i feel like such a loser.
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KarlZ
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Report 11 years ago
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Lets stop right there! You are NOT a loser, just a cool kid who has lost track of where she is. I know what you feel like, I have taken a gap year before starting uni this Sept and since school I have found myself with very few good friends!

I would most definitely suggest thinking of joining societies/sports clubs when you start back at Uni. It will be very daunting at first but it will work out. I joined a sports team last November and at first I felt such an outcast. I kept smiling and being nice and friendly and even though they were nice enough back I didnt really feel accepted. I've persisted and kept on being friendly and happy etc and now I do really feel like I am becoming part of the team.

I am starting uni in Sept and plan to join a society to have an opportunity to meet new people. Unfortunately I am not a person who make friends easily, sounds sad but true but I am not going to let that stop me and neither should you. Just because your a second year doesnt mean you cant get stuck in joinign societies, clubs etc. Find people on your course that you think are ok and start making an effort with them, start by saying hi, build up to asking them questions about the course and if they had a good weekend etc and then hopefully if you persist you will have new mates on your course like you did last year. It very daunting I know (In the same boat) but we have got to move ourselves out of our comfort zone and get out there otherwise we'll just continue to be quite alone and miserable.
One thing though - We are not losers!
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Sonicyouf
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Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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Thanks, thats really helped. i guess i just think about the bad things all the time and dont really think on how to resolve them, hopefully come september i will wonder what i was worrying about!
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KarlZ
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Definitely! Goodluck for when you go, just remember to think Happy so you'll be happy and then people will think you're a fun person to be around! Which I am sure that you are
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Jake22
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(Original post by Sonicyouf)
Im just about to go into my second year at uni and im really dreading going back. I didnt really make any friends in my first year, apart from two people - ones failed and not coming back this year and the other has chosen a different course route meaning i wont see them. Im so unconfident and find it really hard to make friends, i just dont know what to do because im really scared about starting the new term, being all alone in lectures and seminars. all my old friends are off at uni having a great time and they all have loads of friends, but i hate going out clubbing which really makes it hard for me to get to know ppl. any advice.. i feel like such a loser.
Hi,

I am in a similar situation to you. I had been in a relationship for over three years (only split up a month or so ago) and had been living with my partner for about two of those. We lived together about twenty miles away from campus and that coupled with the fact that I only really spent any time in university in lectures/workshops etc. means that I don't really have any friends there. In September, I am moving into a bedsit on my own in my university town and I am unsure what I am going to do. I barely know anyone on my course, I know nobody in the area and I am a bit concerned that all friendships have already been formed, mostly through people living together in student halls or in external houses. I am not really interested in clubbing but I do occaisionally go to pubs but I normally sit there alone and read the paper and don't find it easy to strike up conversations with strangers very easily.

I don't really have much advice to give (I need advice myself!) but all I can say is that you shouldn't consider yourself a loser. I don't think I am a loser, just a slightly socially awkward person who is otherwise a nice guy. I will be in an awkward situation but will just have to try and find a way to make the best of it. Despite what people say, making friends is difficult and there is no point in pretending otherwise but it doesn't mean that you are a loser. You have to think about your positive attributes and see that, in fact, other people would be lucky to have you as a friend. Being scared about things is fine too; everybody gets scared, it is just that people you perceive as being confident are the ones who don't admit it.
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Sonicyouf
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Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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thanks its good to know that im not the only person out there that finds it difficult to meet people - generally people dont mention things like that so you do end up feeling like it only happens to you. I hope it all goes well for you!
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40550
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I used to be like that. Now I talk to everyone. The other day I talked to a Big Issue seller waiting for the met. Remember your opinion is important and it feels good to get it out there
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the_beast
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1) its only your 2nd year. just sit next to someone new in every lecture and do talk to someone. if the conversation goes beyond small talk then you know your getting somewhere.

2)socialising takes a lot of effort, usually the people who are popular are also clever at it. they will identify who is popular and then they will get to know them as well as the people they hang out with.

3) effort is a big thing. making the first move is the hardest part. make the first move and people will start respecting you for it. people who are popular make a lot of effort and thats what it comes down to (my opinion only).

4) dont take the view that 'its my 2nd im not gonna get to know anyone', i took that negative view and i ended up hanging out with all mates in my first year. a lot of people get to know each in the 2nd year. infact i got to know all the people i know from uni in my first year , meaning that i under-performed because my thinking was wrong. i know a friend who didnt live in halls in the first or the second year. however she ended up knowing people on our course because she thought to herself - 'ive missed out over the last 2 years, and im gonna make up for it'... infact she was the most well known person on our course.
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