The Student Room Group

Unreasonable or not? Boyfriend related

Me and my boyfriend moved in together about 6 weeks ago. I wasn't too keen on the area we were moving to because the bus lines are really bad. But my boyfriend wanted to live there because it is 5 mins walk from his work, and it is a really nice house. I wasn't sure because of the transport system, and as I don't finish work till 10PM it worried me that I would always have to walk 15 mins through dark alleyways to get home. He told me that he would come n pick me up from the nearest bus stop (he drives). Anyways I eventually decided that the house was too nice and affordable to say no, and with this compromise he had promised it seemed perfect.

Anyways, I've just had a text from him saying that he's sat at home drinking bud. Which means he can't come get me. And now I'm going to have to walk alone. Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to stick to his word or should I give him so lee-way as this is the first time this has happened (although we've only been living there 6 weeks)?
Reply 1
Couldn't he just walk over and meet you?
Reply 2
Ask him to walk to the bus stop and walk you home then.
Reply 3
God no thats not very nice. What if something happened to you, doesn't that bother him. My boyfriend wont let me walk anywhere on my own at night. I'd definitely say something to him about it.
Reply 4
^ Ditto. That wasn't very considerate of him. But maybe he forgot. I think if I were you I'd probably expect an apology but drop it if I got one straight away. [That's not advice, that's just how it'd be for me.]
Reply 5
Just get a taxi...
Reply 6
We all slip up from time to time. If it happens only once in a while catch a taxi and let it slide, if it starts to form a trend explain to him that this is a deal breaker for you and that you're unsafe, you don't just feel unsafe but you physically are unsafe. From the sounds of it you're still at work so it's not like you're waiting at the bus stop only to find him plastered suddenly so you have a chance to find an alternative method of safe travel.

Honestly, he probably doesn't realise exactly how much more dangerous it feels for women to walk home at night. In my experience most guys tend to have a false sense of security about this, I know I did. I used to walk home every night through a large, poorly lit park with the highest crime rate of any public area in the city. Mostly I would walk home between 11pm and 3am on my own. A couple of guys and a knife made me realise my mistake.
Reply 7
samba
Just get a taxi...


I think getting a taxi for a 15 minute walk is a bit silly when he could easily walk and meet her.
Reply 8
Yea I wasn't really looking for solutions to the problem, I was just wanting to know whether I was right to feel annoyed by this! I guess he has just forgotton, but it makes me feel a bit rubbish because I know that if things were the other way round, I would never forget that I needed to go pick him up.

Thanks, hellosailer and jelkin for your advice. At least I know I'm not alone in feeling a bit peed off at this!
Reply 9
yea, hes probably just forgotton/busy... As long as it doesnt happen regularly I'd accept it and not be too bothered :smile:
Reply 10
Surely after 6 weeks of doing the same thing and waiting for you, youcan forgive him for chilling out just once?

ONCE in 6 weeks? christ on a bike.
erk
Surely after 6 weeks of doing the same thing and waiting for you, youcan forgive him for chilling out just once?

ONCE in 6 weeks? christ on a bike.


He picked the house and the area when he knew it was incredibly inconvenient for her, this was the compromise.
Reply 12
erk
Surely after 6 weeks of doing the same thing and waiting for you, youcan forgive him for chilling out just once?

ONCE in 6 weeks? christ on a bike.


Sorry to sound like some sort of safety freak but once in six weeks is all it takes to get mugged or attacked etc. It's just not worth it.
Well he is entitled to chill out once in a while, is there no one else who can walk with you or can't you get a lift home?
You could always buy a taser for the odd time he does forget. Then you can just zap people who come near you :biggrin:

But on a real note, i would suggest you just talk to him about it but not get too annoyed with him. He is only human after all, everyone makes a mistake every once in a while.
Reply 15
dita_parlo
Me and my boyfriend moved in together about 6 weeks ago. I wasn't too keen on the area we were moving to because the bus lines are really bad. But my boyfriend wanted to live there because it is 5 mins walk from his work, and it is a really nice house. I wasn't sure because of the transport system, and as I don't finish work till 10PM it worried me that I would always have to walk 15 mins through dark alleyways to get home. He told me that he would come n pick me up from the nearest bus stop (he drives). Anyways I eventually decided that the house was too nice and affordable to say no, and with this compromise he had promised it seemed perfect.

Anyways, I've just had a text from him saying that he's sat at home drinking bud. Which means he can't come get me. And now I'm going to have to walk alone. Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to stick to his word or should I give him so lee-way as this is the first time this has happened (although we've only been living there 6 weeks)?


Thing is, there will be other times he can't pick you up. Not necessarily because he has done anything wrong, but what when he gets sick, or if he has to go out of town? I would say it is not really sustainable. How impossible would it be to get a cheap used car and drive to work ? Is there any chance you can get lifts with a co-worker in exchange for paying a share of the fuel costs? In either case you really ought to have some backup plan for when he can't pick you up because it will happen weather he can help it or not.
Reply 16
i think it depends where you live. if it's not known to be dangerous i suppose you could be expected to walk back home alone at night. I've done that millions of times and live in London. people play up the risks and make us scared.
if it isn't a nice area though and there really is a risk then that is unreasonable of him. a friend of mine has moved in with some guys in Streatham hill - with the promiss that they will walk everywhere with her at night, because that isn't such a nice area. And well, really isn't such a great area, she does need them with her! If i was her and one of the guys stood me up, i'd be fuming!
Reply 17
Get him to buy you a safety alarm you can get ones that you wear like a watch, so you can pop it on as you leave work.

And carry a miniture hairspray or something - its not a weapon if its something you might reasonably carry, but if you spray it in someones eyes it should sting enough to get them away.

Also walk confidently, dont chat on your phone, dont have earphones in, be aware of your surrondings.

Learn to keep yourself safe
Pretend that you thought you got followed home. That should scare him enough to remember to pick you up in future. :rolleyes:

Or...y'know, just read some of the mature, sensible, non-psycopathic advice above.