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Feel bitter about comments people make on my appearance watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I've never been stylish or dressed in a pretty feminine way. Back at college I wore tracksuit pants and top most of the time and had short hair that never looked styled. I tried to straighten it but with it being wavy it always went back to being messy when I went outside. Basically I didn't really grasp fashion/looking good, I thought looking good was just about fitness/being in shape and genetics/facial features. I didn't really have close friends either to go out with etc, still don't now to be honest but I make more of an effort with clothes I'm just extremely quiet still. The thing is I always remember some harsh things that my mum said when I was a teenager/about 20. She would say that I make no effort with my appearance and said in a sneezy annoyed tone that no lad wants someone who walks around in a hoody all the time. I remember saying that it's not my fault I'm female or something silly and she just said 'well you are gay then' and walked out. Another time she said that when she went round town with me she cringed because of how I looked and the lack of effort I put in. I thought back then that I put enough effort in.

    Fast forward to today I think I put more effort in but my boyfriend doesn't. He is much older than me but has mentioned that I dress like a lesbien and that he doesn't want to feel like he is going out with his mate etc. I wear leggings sometimes but he wants me to wear dresses and heels. I wouldn't want to walk in heels. I'm also not very keen on sex and he thinks that it's why I don't dress attractively.

    Anyway I don't know what I'm supposed to think. It brings back the things my mum said to me when I was younger and makes me think we'll if even my mum said those things maybe he is not wrong in saying them too. The thing is she has always had short hair and worn pants/dressed tomboyishly, she is never out of sports direct clothes. I've always kept fit and been in shape whereas my mum hasn't so I always feel like getting 'revenge' in a way by pointing out her weight though I've not done so yet . I never really thought about making come back comments back then as I just always took in what she said. I guess I'm nasty too.

    I'm not really saying there's anything wrong in my boyfriend saying that he's like to see me wear other clothes but everytime it makes me feel like a low life in a way as it brings back things that my mum and other people have said. It just makes me feel annoyed and bitter.
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    My family used to be really horrible to me (they're all quite feminine and dainty), because I wanted short hair and wanted to play rugby. I wouldn't wear dresses or skirts and rarely tank tops. Play suits etc were all a no go too - they called me Mark (my name is Millie) and mocked me, a lot. But I was good at rugby (tbh girls at school picked on me for playing rugby, too) and my short hair made me feel confident so I kept at it. They never apologised but I was so happy, I just didn't care. My point is, it really doesn't matter what other people think - even those closest to you, because sometimes they're far more concerned with other people's perception of you, than your perception of yourself. Do what makes you happy

    i'll just mention, I conform to much more 'feminine' stereotypes these days - but because i want too
    Spoiler:
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    fun story, I once overheard my dad telling my mum he thought I was a lesbian, and that he would disown me the day i came out
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've never been stylish or dressed in a pretty feminine way. Back at college I wore tracksuit pants and top most of the time and had short hair that never looked styled. I tried to straighten it but with it being wavy it always went back to being messy when I went outside. Basically I didn't really grasp fashion/looking good, I thought looking good was just about fitness/being in shape and genetics/facial features. I didn't really have close friends either to go out with etc, still don't now to be honest but I make more of an effort with clothes I'm just extremely quiet still. The thing is I always remember some harsh things that my mum said when I was a teenager/about 20. She would say that I make no effort with my appearance and said in a sneezy annoyed tone that no lad wants someone who walks around in a hoody all the time. I remember saying that it's not my fault I'm female or something silly and she just said 'well you are gay then' and walked out. Another time she said that when she went round town with me she cringed because of how I looked and the lack of effort I put in. I thought back then that I put enough effort in.

    Fast forward to today I think I put more effort in but my boyfriend doesn't. He is much older than me but has mentioned that I dress like a lesbien and that he doesn't want to feel like he is going out with his mate etc. I wear leggings sometimes but he wants me to wear dresses and heels. I wouldn't want to walk in heels. I'm also not very keen on sex and he thinks that it's why I don't dress attractively.

    Anyway I don't know what I'm supposed to think. It brings back the things my mum said to me when I was younger and makes me think we'll if even my mum said those things maybe he is not wrong in saying them too. The thing is she has always had short hair and worn pants/dressed tomboyishly, she is never out of sports direct clothes. I've always kept fit and been in shape whereas my mum hasn't so I always feel like getting 'revenge' in a way by pointing out her weight though I've not done so yet . I never really thought about making come back comments back then as I just always took in what she said. I guess I'm nasty too.

    I'm not really saying there's anything wrong in my boyfriend saying that he's like to see me wear other clothes but everytime it makes me feel like a low life in a way as it brings back things that my mum and other people have said. It just makes me feel annoyed and bitter.
    I'm sorry to hear of what happened with your mother, my mother was often verbally and emotionally abusive to me growing up aswell, moreso than what you've had. Maybe talk things through with her and explain how it made you feel? Hopefully she doesn't just dismiss you as being 'too mard' like mine did/ does. Otherwise just ignore her comments or maybe you might be in need of counselling?
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    Hair- serums work wonders in straightened hair or a light mouse, it can make your hair shiny and smoother. Leave in your conditioner for a good 5 minutes at least and that will also make your hair SO smooth. Loreal shampoo and conditioners are very good. Try different hairstyles as well now and then, ever tried braids or half up half down or buns?
    Makeup- nothing too excessive but some concealer here and there, bit of blush and mascara can do wonders! Not hiding your natural beauty of course, merely bringing it out.
    Thread your eyebrows- eyebrows can make a face without you even realising it as they frame the eyes, so some well shaped threaded eyebrows will serve you well.
    If you have unclear skin also try and establish a skincare routine- nothing too extensive. Just cleanse every evening and moisturise your face as well and exfoliate once a week.
    Dress wise- I feel bad telling you what to wear and you shouldn't listen to what other people tell you to wear as well. because at the end of the day if I tell you to wear a floral pretty dress and you wear it but don't feel comfortable in it, you're not going to look good in it. So wear what you feel confident in.
    Shoes- don't always wear trainers- spice it up sometimes: wear ankle boots, Chelsea boots, flats, wedges etc
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Goaded)
    My family used to be really horrible to me (they're all quite feminine and dainty), because I wanted short hair and wanted to play rugby. I wouldn't wear dresses or skirts and rarely tank tops. Play suits etc were all a no go too - they called me Mark (my name is Millie) and mocked me, a lot. But I was good at rugby (tbh girls at school picked on me for playing rugby, too) and my short hair made me feel confident so I kept at it. They never apologised but I was so happy, I just didn't care. My point is, it really doesn't matter what other people think - even those closest to you, because sometimes they're far more concerned with other people's perception of you, than your perception of yourself. Do what makes you happy

    i'll just mention, I conform to much more 'feminine' stereotypes these days - but because i want too
    Spoiler:
    Show
    fun story, I once overheard my dad telling my mum he thought I was a lesbian, and that he would disown me the day i came out
    Thanks for sharing, yea that's harsh expecially when you enjoyed rugby and your life how it was.I suppose this is the opposite of what some lads get hassled for too ie not conforming to laddish behaviours or being 'man' enough. That comment by your dad must have been horrible to overhear too, just shows how people can be so narrow minded and make assumptions.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Pinkberry_y)
    Hair- serums work wonders in straightened hair or a light mouse, it can make your hair shiny and smoother. Leave in your conditioner for a good 5 minutes at least and that will also make your hair SO smooth. Loreal shampoo and conditioners are very good. Try different hairstyles as well now and then, ever tried braids or half up half down or buns?
    Makeup- nothing too excessive but some concealer here and there, bit of blush and mascara can do wonders! Not hiding your natural beauty of course, merely bringing it out.
    Thread your eyebrows- eyebrows can make a face without you even realising it as they frame the eyes, so some well shaped threaded eyebrows will serve you well.
    If you have unclear skin also try and establish a skincare routine- nothing too extensive. Just cleanse every evening and moisturise your face as well and exfoliate once a week.
    Dress wise- I feel bad telling you what to wear and you shouldn't listen to what other people tell you to wear as well. because at the end of the day if I tell you to wear a floral pretty dress and you wear it but don't feel comfortable in it, you're not going to look good in it. So wear what you feel confident in.
    Shoes- don't always wear trainers- spice it up sometimes: wear ankle boots, Chelsea boots, flats, wedges etc
    Thanks, yea I've tried hair serum but it still manages to unstraighten itself when I go out lol, it's odd but straightening my hair before going to bed seems to help as I'l be lying on it all night. One of the things with clothing is say if I'm just planning to stay in all day or just nipping to the shop I won't really care what I look like and will just put trainers on. Then if I have to go out or my boyfriend rings to go round for a drink I will just think meh my clothes are fine as they are, I will just change my t shirt. Ive got a thing about clothes being comfy and practical lol, I will just out a bit of make up on and straighten my hair (again). Then we will end up going straight out somewhere unplanned he won't get dressed up so I always feel ok as I am. If I'm going to an occasion I will wear something smarter with ankle boots. I suppose I need to chuck some of my plain clothes away and get some comfy clothes that I can lounge about in but that also look smart and 'feminine' if I decide to go out. Other than weekends though I'm either in work clothes or fitness gear for the gym.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, yea I've tried hair serum but it still manages to unstraighten itself when I go out lol, it's odd but straightening my hair before going to bed seems to help as I'l be lying on it all night. One of the things with clothing is say if I'm just planning to stay in all day or just nipping to the shop I won't really care what I look like and will just put trainers on. Then if I have to go out or my boyfriend rings to go round for a drink I will just think meh my clothes are fine as they are, I will just change my t shirt. Ive got a thing about clothes being comfy and practical lol, I will just out a bit of make up on and straighten my hair (again). Then we will end up going straight out somewhere unplanned he won't get dressed up so I always feel ok as I am. If I'm going to an occasion I will wear something smarter with ankle boots. I suppose I need to chuck some of my plain clothes away and get some comfy clothes that I can lounge about in but that also look smart and 'feminine' if I decide to go out. Other than weekends though I'm either in work clothes or fitness gear for the gym.
    Yes I think that's key here- get some feminine pretty comfy clothes. That way you look good and feel good.
    Some cute sweaters with maybe funny slogans or pictures on them, maybe wear shorts and a sweater around the house sometimes as well? Wear vests with lace around them for a feminine touch, even places like Primark sell tonnes of them. Wear nice underwear as well, it'll make you feel sexier and your boyfriend will appreciate it
 
 
 
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