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Dont want to go out. Am I being unreasonable? watch

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    I'm feeling a bit annoyed with my boyfriend right now. I'm going to visit him for 2 days soon and we havent seen eachother for a month and a half. Last time I went to see him, we went to the pub the night I arrived at his and I met all his friends. It was ok but I felt very out of it coz I didn't know anyone very well and they're all very laddish.

    He wants me to go to the pub with him again on the first day but I really dont want to. I'm only there to see him really and I dont feel up to meeting all his friends (he's inviting his girlfriends from school too and that really scares me coz i'm really shy as it is and I dont want to have to deal with loads of new people at once). I'm really stressing about it. I come across as quite confident with him and I dont want to tell this to him.

    I was talking to him on the phone earlier and he mentioned going to the pub. I said I didnt really want to and asked if we could stay in coz I'd be tired and I want to spend time with him. He then seemed really angry and was like "oh but I've told everyone we're coming out now. We're going because otherwise they'll think bad stuff about me" :confused:

    I just dont know what to do. I dont want to tell him its a shyness thing and I'm intimidated by such a big group of people I dont know. I just feel hes being unfair coz if it was the reverse situation, I wouldnt force him to go with all my friends that he doesnt know.
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    The best thing is to tell the truth and, in a matter such as this, Im sure hell understand your feelings because it is hard to be thrown into a group of friends in that way. He is wanting to introduce you to his friends - seems really positive to me - and, if they are his friends, Im sure they will accommodate you in every way - just make general conversation with the person youre sat beside (what they did that day / where they work etc).

    One of my female friends introduced her boyfriend and they just seemed to chat between themselves from time to time as well as participating with the main group and everybody was friendly to him. The more I think bout it, the less of a problem you have - you just have to relax, theres no problem.
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    How about you get a grip and go to the pub. It's not exactly a big deal, is it? jeez...
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    Wel that's life, in life you have to mix with large groups at least sometimes. You can't always mix just with who suits you and hide away from everyone else. They could all be really nice people. You may not even have to chat to them much, just be polite. In a large group people tend to chat within smaller groups in it. He not being nasty at all, you can spend time just with him another day. He's just wants a night out with his friends and you and has already arranged it. He would be nasty to his friends if he cancelled it just because you're shy.
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    (Original post by Eubacterium)
    He would be nasty to his friends if he cancelled it just because you're shy.
    not really. i'd understand if a mate cancelled because his girlfriend was going to stay with him. as in :hubba: there's nothing wrong with letting couples have some fun together esp if they havent seen each other in ages


    I understand how the OP feels entirely, it's best to be honest i think, tell him that many people all at once make you feel uncomfortable and ask if you can meet them more slowly in smaller groups (ie. still show an interest).
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    I can see why it looks really bad. I dont know why I'm feeling like this, I just wish I was confident! Over the summer I seem to have gone into my shell a bit
    He seems really angry that I even said I dont want to go and has been texting me going on about it. Looks like I'll have to go but I wish I hadnt said anything now..

    Ive met all the guys before its just that there'll be girls there and I usually get really intimidated with girls I dont know well. I met one of his girlfriends from school ages ago and I felt like I was being checked out for suitability to date him, if you know what I mean? It was like an interrogation!
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    I would just go, he wants to show you off to his mates and hasn't had the chance in a while!! I know big groups of people can be daunting but you'll have your bf there for support and you might get some great stories to tease him with about when he was younger

    You've got time after that to spend alone together and get reacquainted.
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    Can't you just go but leave a bit early for some "us" time?
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    Don't let him intimidate you into going. Explain to him gently that you don't want to go and you're uncomfortable with it, and if he still insists on forcing you, put your foot down.
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    You'll probably find the girls are more friendly than the guys. Stop thinking about the bad side of things, and think about the good, and no-one feels 100% comfortable around people they don't know. You don't have to spend the whole evening in the pub and it might be nice to mix with his friends and meet them.
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    (Original post by randomgirl)
    Can't you just go but leave a bit early for some "us" time?
    :dito: or maybe afterwards, if you wanna save the best for last
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    Tell him the truth about your shyness!
    Go out with him and make that effort
    Ask him that you dont have to stay out too late because at the end of the day you have come up to spend time with him and whereby you have compromised can he meet you half way and come home that little bit earlier.
    After all you are only there 2 days and it has been a MONTH and a HALF since you last spent time together. When faced with this he should agree and compromise if not then I think that he would be acting like a **** head.

    A relationship is about wanting to spend time together and compromising.
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    Does he go every Friday night? 'cos if so, surely he could make a change of plan for one night when his girlfriend's gonna be there, you know. If his friends would think bad of him for missing out on one night, that's their problem.
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    (Original post by bloodredbeat)
    Does he go every Friday night? 'cos if so, surely he could make a change of plan for one night when his girlfriend's gonna be there, you know. If his friends would think bad of him for missing out on one night, that's their problem.
    Maybe it's important for him that his girlfriend meets his friends? It might not just be him thinking all about himself and wanting his usual night down the pub - he might actually want her to get to know them.

    OP, I can understand you feeling shy about it, but at the same time, you don't have to spend every minute you're together on your own; that's not how real life works. If I were you, I'd go out, smile and make some conversation, and then before it gets too late just say "I'm really tired, I've had a long journey getting here..." and persuade him to take you home. That or tell him you're not wearing any underwear and he'll be out of there with you in a flash.
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    (Original post by lily_w)
    I'm feeling a bit annoyed with my boyfriend right now. I'm going to visit him for 2 days soon and we havent seen eachother for a month and a half. Last time I went to see him, we went to the pub the night I arrived at his and I met all his friends. It was ok but I felt very out of it coz I didn't know anyone very well and they're all very laddish.

    He wants me to go to the pub with him again on the first day but I really dont want to. I'm only there to see him really and I dont feel up to meeting all his friends (he's inviting his girlfriends from school too and that really scares me coz i'm really shy as it is and I dont want to have to deal with loads of new people at once). I'm really stressing about it. I come across as quite confident with him and I dont want to tell this to him.

    I was talking to him on the phone earlier and he mentioned going to the pub. I said I didnt really want to and asked if we could stay in coz I'd be tired and I want to spend time with him. He then seemed really angry and was like "oh but I've told everyone we're coming out now. We're going because otherwise they'll think bad stuff about me" :confused:

    I just dont know what to do. I dont want to tell him its a shyness thing and I'm intimidated by such a big group of people I dont know. I just feel hes being unfair coz if it was the reverse situation, I wouldnt force him to go with all my friends that he doesnt know.
    Your boyfriend must speak really high of you to be worried about you not going to the pub with him Personally I'd go, may it just be for an hour and excuse yourself by saying you have to go do something or whatever.

    Talk to the girls that'll be there, may it only be small talk. Make yourself at ease with his friends because you'll probably see them about and it would seem even more unreasonable not to speak to them out on the street etc.

    I do sympathise that you don't want to go out and whatnot, but explain to your boyfriend that you'd rather meet his friends in a smaller group rather than all at once as your don't feel comfortable. Hopefully he'll understand.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    Maybe it's important for him that his girlfriend meets his friends? It might not just be him thinking all about himself and wanting his usual night down the pub - he might actually want her to get to know them.
    Yes, true, but she's tried and tested it, and it's just not for her. Surely he can respect that.
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    I think there's no way to avoid your bf losing face here, so you should just bite the bullet and go to the pub. But afterwards, tell him that meeting so many new people makes you uncomfortable, so this kind of situation doesn't arise again.
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    (Original post by bloodredbeat)
    Yes, true, but she's tried and tested it, and it's just not for her. Surely he can respect that.
    It's a night down the pub, not a rampant bestiality orgy with extra strap-ons! It's not that hard to go and smile and chat for an hour or two if it's what he really wants. Perhaps she should warn him that she's a bit nervous so he doesn't get too laddish etc, but if he really wants them to go, even just for a little while, it's hardly the end of the world.
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    It's a night down the pub, not a rampant bestiality orgy with extra strap-ons! It's not that hard to go and smile and chat for an hour or two if it's what he really wants. Perhaps she should warn him that she's a bit nervous so he doesn't get too laddish etc, but if he really wants them to go, even just for a little while, it's hardly the end of the world.
    Okay, while you believe that I am acting like this is "a rampant bestiality orgy with extra strap-ons" I think that you're the one being a bit OTT with your reply to me, there was no need for it. If the girl finds it such an uncomfortable situation, then she does. She's gone before and she didn't like it, so why would she want to 'put herself through it' again? She doesn't. It's perfectly acceptable in my opinion.
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    (Original post by bloodredbeat)
    Okay, while you believe that I am acting like this is "a rampant bestiality orgy with extra strap-ons" I think that you're the one being a bit OTT with your reply to me, there was no need for it. If the girl finds it such an uncomfortable situation, then she does. She's gone before and she didn't like it, so why would she want to 'put herself through it' again? She doesn't. It's perfectly acceptable in my opinion.
    Because that would entail her boyfriend breaking his promise to all of his friends, and a girlfriend shouldn't be sabotaging (directly or indirectly) her boyfriend's relationship with his friends. Now if her bf makes the same kind of plans in the future despite her explicitly telling him that she wants no part of them, then he'd be in the wrong.
 
 
 
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