Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I finished my first year at Lincoln uni in May- doing BA Hons photography- my first year wasn't anything special and I was unsure if it was right for me tbh. I passed and everything was going ok considering I really struggled with the coursework etc. I wasn't living on campus, I was living with my boyfriend- we had been together for about 4 years- he lived (fairly close) to Lincoln so it seemed like a good time to move in together last September when I started uni. We were really happy living together and was planning on buying somewhere close by and, well, settling down really, talked about children, getting a dog etc. (We're both in our 20's)
    I went on a typical family holiday to Ireland with my dad and sister in August, my boyfriend had to stay behind for work. I was away for 10days and tbh with you was very excited to get back to him because we had a weekend away together planned a few days after I was supposed to get back from Ireland.
    I get a phone call from his mum, telling me that he's died.
    I couldn't breathe. I still can't believe it and, I think I am in denial about it all really.
    I don't want your pity- that is not why I am writing for the first time in years on this forum.
    This is about uni.
    Everyone keeps telling me "He'd want you to continue with uni, he'd want you to be happy and move on with your life" which I'm not sure if he would- if that makes sense.
    We were inseparable really, I didn't have many friends at Lincoln, I'm quite a shy and reserved person and no one in my class really bothered with me because I can't drink.
    I can't decide what to do. I feel so trapped in the university system. If I defer, I have no idea what I would do with my year out. I'm not from a well off family so travelling is out of the question, unless I look into volunteering- which I'm not against.
    I have a meeting with a much closer university tomorrow (its a university centre within a sixth form college) which offers the same BA photography course.
    I would really appreciate some ideas of where to...basically go from here. It's all still so fresh and I feel really fragile and scared I guess.
    Thanks x
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I finished my first year at Lincoln uni in May- doing BA Hons photography- my first year wasn't anything special and I was unsure if it was right for me tbh. I passed and everything was going ok considering I really struggled with the coursework etc. I wasn't living on campus, I was living with my boyfriend- we had been together for about 4 years- he lived (fairly close) to Lincoln so it seemed like a good time to move in together last September when I started uni. We were really happy living together and was planning on buying somewhere close by and, well, settling down really, talked about children, getting a dog etc. (We're both in our 20's)
    I went on a typical family holiday to Ireland with my dad and sister in August, my boyfriend had to stay behind for work. I was away for 10days and tbh with you was very excited to get back to him because we had a weekend away together planned a few days after I was supposed to get back from Ireland.
    I get a phone call from his mum, telling me that he's died.
    I couldn't breathe. I still can't believe it and, I think I am in denial about it all really.
    I don't want your pity- that is not why I am writing for the first time in years on this forum.
    This is about uni.
    Everyone keeps telling me "He'd want you to continue with uni, he'd want you to be happy and move on with your life" which I'm not sure if he would- if that makes sense.
    We were inseparable really, I didn't have many friends at Lincoln, I'm quite a shy and reserved person and no one in my class really bothered with me because I can't drink.
    I can't decide what to do. I feel so trapped in the university system. If I defer, I have no idea what I would do with my year out. I'm not from a well off family so travelling is out of the question, unless I look into volunteering- which I'm not against.
    I have a meeting with a much closer university tomorrow (its a university centre within a sixth form college) which offers the same BA photography course.
    I would really appreciate some ideas of where to...basically go from here. It's all still so fresh and I feel really fragile and scared I guess.
    Thanks x
    How did your meeting go?

    Seeing as you were rediscussing photography at another uni, I guess Photography is for you and Lincoln necessarily wasn't.

    Ignore people telling you that 'he'd want you to continue with it' - and do what's best for you. That's tricky, granted, but just have a think about what worked and didn't work at Lincoln, whether you could see yourself there till the end of your degree, whether you will get enough out of it.. or whether you want a change of scenery.

    Work might be an option if volunteering isn't, should you decide to defer.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    You need to put some distance between yourself and this loss.

    You can do it literally - by travelling - seeing new places, new people. It seems that you have already thought of this by applying to another Uni. probably a good move and it will take you away from a place with sad associations.

    You can do it by putting great efforts into a new interest - maybe something you've never done before - like horse riding, ( expensive but not if you volunteer to help at a stables and get riding in exchange.) getting a cat or dog or helping with a cat shelter etc. Having some animal to care for is excellent therapy. You can talk to an animal and they will sympathise. They will be there for you but only be demanding in an enjoyable way. You don't have to force yourself to be sociable with animals but strangely they may also help you to meet other people.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 17, 2016
Poll
Do you like carrot cake?
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.