Feeling inadequate...

Basically, my insecurities is ruining my relationship with my boyfriend.
He once told me that, his ideal girl will is Tall, skinny and blonde. I'm non of the above. I'm not even white! All his exes has been tall, skinny and blonde. And I'm the only one that is average height, chubby and oriental mixture. I'm not quite sure why he is with me? When he is annoyed me at me, he tends to say that 'I'm annoying' If i annoy him so much, then why stay with me? I told him this once in a argument, he went all silent.
I just don't get it, the more i think of it the more I make myself distant from him. He also told me that this girl fancies him alot at university, he used to. when he was completely drunk go up to her flat and get cigarettes of her. Then come back to mine. Now, they are talking on facebook and this has also increased my insecurities. She is absolutely stunning. I don't even know why he is with me!

Reply 1

generalebriety

16

Because looks aren't everything?

Though if you go round accusing him of all this he won't be with you much longer.

Reply 2

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

14

I think you and your boyfriend need to sit down and work out if this relationship is working for you both.

He seems rather immature, and it's getting to you. I think it's time to find someone who will love you for you, not making you feel more insecure about yourself.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

To be honest, my girlfriend is nothing like what I previously would have called 'my type'. But the important thing I was looking for and have certainly found, is that I love her, and she loves me.

And now I can't imagine finding any aspect of anyone else preferable. People are flexable, and I think especially so with love to show us the beauty we otherwise might not have seen.

Reply 4

mudblood

1

I once got told by an ex that I was the opposite of his usual 'type' and for a while it got to me but I didn't let it ruin the relationship and I don't think you should dwell on it either - and don't feel threatened by the other girl. :smile:

Reply 5

Chumbaniya

17

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

He seems rather immature, and it's getting to you. I think it's time to find someone who will love you for you, not making you feel more insecure about yourself.

Where did you get that impression from? It's quite clear that the main reason the OP feels insecure is because she's making comparisons with other girls her boyfriend knows or has gone out with, not something her boyfriend has actually done. I'm not sure what's 'immature' about talking to a girl on facebook and getting cigarrettes off her, which seem to be about his only actions mentioned.

Anyway, at the OP: If you get into thinking that every person must have a particular 'type' thats right for them, you just cause yourself all sorts of trouble. When it comes to real relationships, all sorts of people end up with partners who would normally be 'not their type', but it doesn't mean anything. What's important is that you fit together as individuals, which has very little to do with more general types.

If you ignore thoughts about other women that are 'his type', do you feel that you have a good relationship? If the answer is yes, then you need to realise that you're causing trouble for yourself by worrying about other women. If you still feel bad, talk to him about it and unless he's a complete ass he'll tell you that he's with you because he wants you; why would he be with you if you were not what he wanted?

Reply 6

BabyBee

My 'idea' used to be a tall, brown haired brown eyed guy. I found him. He was an idiot.
My fiance is short (for a guy) blonde and blue eyed.
Ideal types mean nothing. He is now my ideal.

Though def talk to yur byf as the relationship doesn't sound too secure!

Reply 7

BabyBee

My 'idea' used to be a tall, brown haired brown eyed guy. I found him. He was an idiot.
My fiance is short (for a guy) blonde and blue eyed.
Ideal types mean nothing. He is now my ideal.

Though def talk to yur byf as the relationship doesn't sound too secure!

Reply 8

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

14

Chumbaniya

Where did you get that impression from? It's quite clear that the main reason the OP feels insecure is because she's making comparisons with other girls her boyfriend knows or has gone out with, not something her boyfriend has actually done. I'm not sure what's 'immature' about talking to a girl on facebook and getting cigarrettes off her, which seem to be about his only actions mentioned.

What's immature about it, is when they have an argument he doesn't exactly give her reasons why she's annoying him etc and then falling silent. That's whats immature. He should have the balls at least to answer her back.

Reply 9

*fleur*

He's with you because he likes you, not the other girl. Everyone argues and it's a normal thing for couples to say things they don't mean in the moment.

Don't worry about it :smile:

Reply 10