The Greatest Opening Line In Comedy Watch

Johnny 5
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#1
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Just discussing this with a friend - the task of trying to find the greatest opening line to a comedy bit ever.

For months, I remained adamant that Stewart Lee's opener from the 90's Comedian tour ("And so, on September 11, 2001...") would never quite be topped. And yet yesterday, I was reminded of the old Larry David bit now in my signature ("One thing I admire about Hitler, is that he wouldn't take any **** from magicians"). I also remember Lee picking one on his latest DVD, the Michael Redmond line:

"A lot of people say to me... get out of my garden."


Now I give this an angle for discussion. What's the greatest one ever?

EDIT: I forgot the Bill Hicks one - "If you're planning on a career in marketing, or advertising, kill yourself."
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Empyreal Rhapsody
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I think the best opener I've ever seen was when I saw Jim Jeffries at the Comedy Store:

"I'd just like to be the first to say that all christians are *****."

I don't think the reaction would have been as good had he said the same about muslims! :P
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Maniacal Mr. Monocle
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(Original post by 2 + 2 = 5)
Just discussing this with a friend - the task of trying to find the greatest opening line to a comedy bit ever.

For months, I remained adamant that Stewart Lee's opener from the 90's Comedian tour ("And so, on September 11, 2001...") would never quite be topped. And yet yesterday, I was reminded of the old Larry David bit now in my signature ("One thing I admire about Hitler, is that he wouldn't take any **** from magicians"). I also remember Lee picking one on his latest DVD, the Michael Redmond line:

"A lot of people say to me... get out of my garden."


Now I give this an angle for discussion. What's the greatest one ever?

EDIT: I forgot the Bill Hicks one - "If you're planning on a career in marketing, or advertising, kill yourself."
When I read the thread title the Stewart Lee gag sprang instantly to mind, but then that was obviously what you were talking about. I love how he opens that up to absolutely rip the piss into Joe Pasquale, there's some real venom there.

Infact here's the joke:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YE9K...elated&search=
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Johnny 5
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Have you seen the full 90's Comedian set? Without wrecking it if you haven't, the last line is incredible in context...
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TomX
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"Fat penguin.... I had to something to break the ice."

I believe this thread's purpose has been fulfilled now.
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Maniacal Mr. Monocle
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No I haven't, unfortunately. Infact I only found this when I was searching for him on YouTube, but I've been thinking of investing in the DVD of it. Does it contain the Ang Lee stuff in? That's joke is quite mesmeric, actually.
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Johnny 5
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Nah... Ang Lee's on the Standup Comedian stuff. 90's is half stuff in the same vein, and half a massive "let's piss off every Christian on the planet" story which involves the words "vomiting into the gaping anus of Christ", several times.
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Maniacal Mr. Monocle
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Fun for all the family, then. Yeah, I heard it was pretty no-holds barred stuff towards the end, with particular regards to religion, but then he's never exactly been too excited about the prospect of believing, really (not that I want to start another tedious debate about it.)

I'd like to chip in a favourite line of my own but I can't remember many openings to stand up routines, to be honest I've never really seen very many (certainly not live.) I'm scratching my head trying to think of anything, actually, the only one I can remember offhand is the suit lining joke from the end of Politics, that's about it....

'I was walking down the road the other day....', no, that's not an opening line.
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Alfie X
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Jim Jeffries and the price of tickets for woman is genius ! Marc Mackin recalling his best ever gig to a bunch of cowhands in Rockhampton, Queensland. " it was at an old peoples home, even when I wasn't funny they pissed themselves"... Classic stuff
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