The Student Room Group

Is it so difficult to be understanding ????

Okay I am in a pretty sour mood so I hope I don't sound like a cranky cow.

The thing is that I am the kind of a girl who is very serious about her future career and therefore well prepared to put in the effort required to make it successful. The guys that I have dated guys in the past were strangely hardly ever understanding of the fact that studies are important to me. Not even one!!Wasn't a wonder why I didn't have a long-term relationship!!

Don't get me wrong I am no geek or a potential lonely anorak. I am active in sports,arts, love hanging out with my friends and I am really looking forward to the socialising with new people when I hopefully make it to university this year but every guy I have dated in the past years were all pretty big jerks about me prioritising my studies. They would call me to meet them at odd hours, expect me to come over when I had coursework and what not and 2 of them were actually class A grade students who prioritised studies even more than me!!!! If I would mention that I was busy with sports or classes or something else they would mention things like "Oh so those are more important to you than I am...." and other such stuff. I have other stuffs to do in life as well besides just meet up the guy I date, so obviously I can be busy. I did give them a lot of time but the fact that a lot of girls in my school practically spent the entire day with their boyfriends ruined it further.

I just feel bad about the fact that no guy seems to have understood that this is important to me and it is very important I am not giving it up. Is it so darn difficult to ever actually find a guy who respects my priorities even if they are different from theirs. I feel so bloooooo :frown::frown::frown::frown:. Sorry about the rant though. I just feel very lonely at the moment :blushing:.

:tee:
Reply 1
You are just frustrated that you can't find the right bloke.

From what you've said (and I'm the same) you need someone who respects your space, and doesn't HAVE to be with you 24/7.

You can take a whole lot from your past relationships, you now know things to look for and avoid in a man, such as clingyness, and to paraphrase you, 'jerks' :p:.

I'm sure when you go to university and meet tonnes more people you will be at an advantage because you know what you want, whereas most people probably don't.
Reply 2
ever thought of it from their perspective?


Their girlfriend seems reclusive, and in a sense has more of a prioroty for work than them. Have you ever wondered why they are asking you to do stuff with them, as apposed to work. To them you probably (At that time) mean a lot to them, they want to spend more time with you and develop the relationship. The guys aren't doing anything wrong, and neither are you really if your prioroties are towards work.


2 of them were actually class A grade students who prioritised studies even more than me!!!!


that comment intruiges me, it suggests that you find those who priorotise work over you as a poor choice for a bf. Cant you see where the guys are coming from now?


I mean you dont have to spend days on end with your partners, but nice guys would love a day a week and maybe a few nights with their girlfriend - they are going out with you because they like you!
Reply 3
I understand where both you and 8urtay are coming from. I take my studies really seriously and didn't want to give up much time for my LDR. I felt (and still feel) like he didn't really understand how important these exams were and what they meant for my future, even now I have most likely failed. He wanted me to give up 3 days every so often which I felt was way too much.

I spoke to my counsellor about it and she said basically what 8urtay said but also agreed with my poins too. I think guys just tend to feel unwanted and generally annoyed. The best thing to do is to either try and arrange times to see each other, but if you would rather study then of course that's your choice. I took that route and ended up dumping my boyfriend due to too much pressure, however we did get back together after a month.
Reply 4
I meant that statement "2 of them were actually class A grade students who prioritised studies even more than me!!!!" in the sense that being who they are they should understand that I am in this situation because like them studies are a priority to me as well. I wasn't in anyway and I never will look at them like a poor choice for that.

:tee:
i think it has to do with the guy you picked...my boyfriend would actually encourage me to study and check up on me cuz he knows i needed the grades to get into uni...tell them it would be like asking them to miss watching a match lol
Reply 6
Yeah I guess I have just had bad experiences. And in response 8urtay, I do give them time. Most of my weekend space would be for them and they wanted more. But if you have other priorities as well, its very difficult to give just one person in my life so much time. Maybe, I choose the wrong men. :frown: :s-smilie:
being secondary priority to a child i could live with , but not a career although it would of course depend on how much it hindered the realtionship.