Controlling Jelously/possessiveness Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
#1
Bit of a strange one really.

Had a 1 year relationship tht ended a while ago and i was quite jelous/possesive but not enough to effect the relationship as i tried to keep it hidden and also she was as jelous as me so it didnt really matter.

In a new relationship now and im finding myself getting jelous/possesive already. (Worried wen she meets male friends and her X bf) If shes out and shes drunk I worry whats shes doing etc etc.

To be honest I am an arse and I have seen simular friends in relationship do the same thing and from an outside prospective I know that they are in the wrong and therfore I know that I shouldnt get jelous all the time.

Is there any way I can control it as I don't think covering it up is the best thing?

Thanks

I'm a guy btw
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Hedger
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#2
Report 11 years ago
#2
Cover it up? Take it head on. Think about it a bit more logically. Ask her questions, don't be a prick and say "so have you cheated on me?", but more of a text while shes out or something. Communication is key. I don't why people can't see it.
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angus_mcfisher
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#3
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To be honest mate - I think this is a matter of self-doubt that you think there's a chance she might go off with other guys whilst you're not there because you think that there are guys out there who are better than yourself. If this is the case, realise that she is with you for a reason and that's because there's something about you which she likes and finds attractive.
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Rock Fan
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#4
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Jealousy and possessiveness is one of the big turn offs in a relationship.
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Firearm
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#5
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#5
Jealous and possessiveness shouts undercurrents of lacking self asteem whilst indicating some kind of inferiority complex.

You need to deal with the root problems, possessiveness is more a symptom.

I improved my own confidence ages ago by writing down positives that have happened in day to day routine which portray me in a positive manner (such as someone having the hots for you, people in the street smiling at you, people mentioning you being attractive, etc )and remember the whole range of experiences to be able to quell any whimsical doubts that come from focusing on 1-2 experiences and finding excuses to invalidate them.
Keep at it and it becomes habit, nature.
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8urtay
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#6
Report 11 years ago
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(Original post by Firearm)
Jealous and possessiveness shouts undercurrents of lacking self asteem whilst indicating some kind of inferiority complex.

You need to deal with the root problems, possessiveness is more a symptom.

I improved my own confidence ages ago by writing down positives that have happened in day to day routine which portray me in a positive manner (such as someone having the hots for you, people in the street smiling at you, people mentioning you being attractive, etc )and remember the whole range of experiences to be able to quell any whimsical doubts that come from focusing on 1-2 experiences and finding excuses to invalidate them.
Keep at it and it becomes habit, nature.
you mean self esteem? lool

Yea it does have links with self esteem and that is a good idea.
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I_am_the_mob
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#7
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Yeah self-esteem is important to controlling jealousy but also if you feel comfortable come right out and tell her you have issues with this and it's not because of her, tell her you do trust her but sometimes your insecurities come through however hard you work
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Yellowmarshmellow
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#8
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I'm a very jealous/posessive person and in my experience it breaks up relationships and pushes friends away, you have to realise that your gf is with you because she likes YOU and not the other guys you're worried about her going off with.. if she did cheat on you she wouldn't be worth it but by the sounds of it she won't do anything and it's all in your mind.
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Lauren-silk
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#9
Report 11 years ago
#9
i feel exactly the same im a girl and i been with my boyfriend for almost a year. we met at uni and ever since i met him i have been becoming more and more possessive over him...i dont like him talking to girls or going out getting drunk just incase he finds someone else or cheats on me...i dont trust him but i love him so mch and this is pushing us apart any advice anyone?
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Rock Fan
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#10
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(Original post by Lauren-silk)
i feel exactly the same im a girl and i been with my boyfriend for almost a year. we met at uni and ever since i met him i have been becoming more and more possessive over him...i dont like him talking to girls or going out getting drunk just incase he finds someone else or cheats on me...i dont trust him but i love him so mch and this is pushing us apart any advice anyone?
If you don't trust him, why you with him? you need to trust him otherwise you will drive him away.
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suicidal_dream
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#11
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my ex cheated on me and completely destroyed all my trust in guys BUT,
my current boyf has also been in the same situation so we both get insecure sometimes but we talk about it and as we both feel the same, we can relate to each other so we know how to reassure each other.

The key is communication.
if you're feeling insecure, explain to her why, and perhaps it'll help.

if you keep your insecurity in your head, i find it makes it 100% worse!
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grace
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#12
Report 11 years ago
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meh, i'm jealous and possessive and it hasn't stopped my bf of almost 2 years adoring me and thinking i'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

some people are naturally suspicious. I come from a family where infidellity is the norm, i've been cheated on in the past and i don't think there's anything wrong with not instantly trusting every person you meet or have a relationship with. There's nothing wrong with keeping your guards up, just so long as you don't let it create problems where there are none.

i say, be smart, be aware, keep your eyes open and don't let your heart fool you into being treated like dirt, BUT, don't let your suspicions fool you into thinking there are issues when there are none.

that's my advice, as well as my life motto lol
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Lauren-silk
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#13
Report 11 years ago
#13
(Original post by Rock Fan)
If you don't trust him, why you with him? you need to trust him otherwise you will drive him away.
i do trust him it just seems like i dont....im all sorted out now though. i found the root of my problem thanks guys you helped me to see what the problem
was
Lauren
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