Friend vs Boyfriend material - getting the balance?!

Hey there! The answer to this question is probably obvious to everyone else other than myself, but I seem to have the problem that girls seem to see me as friend material as opposed to boyfriend material. Has anyone any tips on how to avoid this?

Any comments would be fantastic,

Thanks

Lee

Reply 1

MurderGBush

Maybe that is your problem... Why would you want to avoid being friends with a girl? That's how you get to know someone, through being their friend surely...

Reply 2

Remo

MurderGBush

Maybe that is your problem... Why would you want to avoid being friends with a girl? That's how you get to know someone, through being their friend surely...

yea i agree. also if you want to be a friend and not boyfriend just keep your distance at certain times when maybe you think you gettin abit too friendly and givin her the wrong idea.

Reply 3

angus_mcfisher

OP

I don't worry about becoming friends with a girl, but it's as though I go too far with the friend part almost to the point of no return lol. I end up sort of being a straight 'gay best friend' lol

Reply 4

Rutter knows best!

12

nocking her down followed by building her up , put her in a state of vunerability and then comfort her, talk passionatly about things that mite impress her that she's into, her interests.(even if you don't actually mean anything you say).
all these things above are morally wrong.(but do work )

make an effort with your appearence .
act angst ridden.
try and make her feel special.
be more forward and to the point alot of girls claim they want this mysterious, articule gentlemanly type guy but most of all they want to know where they stand.(one of my dads tips :cool:

)

Reply 5

angus_mcfisher

OP

negated enigma

but most of all they want to know where they stand.(one of my dads tips :cool:

)

Hmm... thats an interesting point - I guess I don't really show that much to girls I like for... infact... thinking about it (good job I'm tired and in a reflective, open mood isn't it!) I feel really uncomfortable letting a girl know I'm interested for fear of being ridiculed (and I'm pretty sure this stems from being bullied for about 7 years as a kid).

Thanks for your comment! Any idea of how to get over the barrier?

Reply 6

Rutter knows best!

12

angus_mcfisher

Hmm... thats an interesting point - I guess I don't really show that much to girls I like for... infact... thinking about it (good job I'm tired and in a reflective, open mood isn't it!) I feel really uncomfortable letting a girl know I'm interested for fear of being ridiculed (and I'm pretty sure this stems from being bullied for about 7 years as a kid).

Thanks for your comment! Any idea of how to get over the barrier?

well as for being ridiculed certain methods can be used if you agree with what your saying.
as you get older, you can use this thing called "moral high ground".it subsequently either makes them feel really bad or atleast you rose above they're level.
if people are gonna be ***** about it, when its none of there business to comment on or take the piss , then it says more about them than it does about you.
but that is all if she says no bare in mind.

i think the thing about telling someone you like them more than a friend is about timing.
A.when its just the two of you and B. when its feels right for you.

get a hair cut , buy some nice clothes do some weights whatever it takes for you to feel more confident in nyour appeearence.

taking a risk showing a bit of vulnerabilty and honesty is a courages and admirable thing.

hopefully she will see that.

Reply 7

angus_mcfisher

OP

Thanks for your comments - they are much appreciated! You're right, I'm probably just being a really good paranoid pessimist! lol! As a kid I was always the but of the joke (the Scots in inbred rural villages really don't take well to English people 'invading') and I know thats left a mark. Alas, I'll have to face it one day so why not now!

Many thanks for your help

Lee

Reply 8

Rutter knows best!

12

knowledge is a gift that is more rewarding when teaching than learning :cool:

Reply 9

LOST

They think of you as a friend because you can listen to the drama and girl problems which 99% of the guys do, this puts you in the same pile. You are no different then that crowed and you showed no sign of interest thus you are labeled a friend.

Reply 10

MagicNMedicine

20

I think this idea that you get seen as a friend because you act in a certain way, but could be seen as something more than a friend if you act in a different way, is not really that valid.

For me it's simple, a girl is either attracted to you or she isn't. If she finds you attractive and you get on as friends then more than likely she is going to want more; if she doesn't find you attractive then she will just want to be friends.

When this question comes up people always suggest different forms of behaviour, don't be too nice, don't compliment her too much, act off with her sometimes etc....but you are naive if you think that behaving in a different way is going to change how a girl views you.

If you turned it round, and there was a girl who you weren't attracted to, but thought had a good personality and you got on well with her as a friend....then she reads up the 'rules of attraction' and starts being flirty, taking the mickey out of you and so on, would you suddenly find her a turn on? I doubt it!

Reply 11

DaChronik

Stop being their girlfriend...

Friend vs Boyfriend material - getting the balance?!

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