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Pleh, partner's dad doesn't like me!
Heylo everyone, I've got a slight problem that hopefully someone'll have some ideas on!
This is really coming from both my partner and me, as we're both stumped. We've been together going on a year now. Background information is my partner's parents have been divorced a few years, I really get on well with his mum and (although not to the same degree) his stepmother, as well as his dad's mum (who is brilliant
). Basically, both sides of his family that I've met have been really nice to me. All is well. Now onto the problem...I don't get on with his dad. That's not a problem in itself, but it's weird given that he was friendly and fine with me pre-Xmas last year, then next time he saw me was totally frozen, wouldn't look at me, barely speaks to me...even when I answer the phone to him he says the bare minimum ("It's [Dad], is [bf] there?" - not even hi, for Godsake!). I mean, my mum doesn't really get on with my partner but she takes the trouble to talk to him for a couple of minutes when he picks up. It's very bizarre.
Anyways, I just saw Dad and his wife today (with my partner) and his wife was great to me but he was still really cold. My partner says the only thing that could possibly have happened is that he mentioned to his dad that I had had problems with depression in the past and wasn't feeling too good at the moment (while my partner was up late talking to me online). This just before I saw the new unfriendly dad.
My questions are as follows:
1) Could the change of heart seriously be because I was depressed? (I guess I know the answer to this, but I'd love it if someone told me that was ridiculous
).
2) What the hell do I do about this? I'm torn; I want to let it lie (no arguments ftw!) but my partner's really close to his dad and I hate the idea of never getting on with him (plus it's awkward). On the other hand, my partner wants to take it up with him directly and ask why he's so funny with me. I'm not sure it's a good plan but I need advice - and TSR is the only place where people are awake this time of night!
This is really coming from both my partner and me, as we're both stumped. We've been together going on a year now. Background information is my partner's parents have been divorced a few years, I really get on well with his mum and (although not to the same degree) his stepmother, as well as his dad's mum (who is brilliant
). Basically, both sides of his family that I've met have been really nice to me. All is well. Now onto the problem...I don't get on with his dad. That's not a problem in itself, but it's weird given that he was friendly and fine with me pre-Xmas last year, then next time he saw me was totally frozen, wouldn't look at me, barely speaks to me...even when I answer the phone to him he says the bare minimum ("It's [Dad], is [bf] there?" - not even hi, for Godsake!). I mean, my mum doesn't really get on with my partner but she takes the trouble to talk to him for a couple of minutes when he picks up. It's very bizarre.Anyways, I just saw Dad and his wife today (with my partner) and his wife was great to me but he was still really cold. My partner says the only thing that could possibly have happened is that he mentioned to his dad that I had had problems with depression in the past and wasn't feeling too good at the moment (while my partner was up late talking to me online). This just before I saw the new unfriendly dad.
My questions are as follows:
1) Could the change of heart seriously be because I was depressed? (I guess I know the answer to this, but I'd love it if someone told me that was ridiculous
).2) What the hell do I do about this? I'm torn; I want to let it lie (no arguments ftw!) but my partner's really close to his dad and I hate the idea of never getting on with him (plus it's awkward). On the other hand, my partner wants to take it up with him directly and ask why he's so funny with me. I'm not sure it's a good plan but I need advice - and TSR is the only place where people are awake this time of night!
Reply 1
Phantom Phoenix
1) Could the change of heart seriously be because I was depressed? (I guess I know the answer to this, but I'd love it if someone told me that was ridiculous ).
).That could be ridiculous lol. It depends on the circumstances - if you expected your partner to do things for you while you were depressed or it affected your partner in anyway - if he was upset by it for example, then I believe his father could have a grudge against you. However, this is the only reason I think it could be down to you suffering from depression.
Phantom Phoenix
On the other hand, my partner wants to take it up with him directly and ask why he's so funny with me. I'm not sure it's a good plan but I need advice
If your partner is close with his dad which it sounds like he is, then there should be no problem in him asking why he's funny with you and I personally would recommend that he does so.
Phantom Phoenix
- and TSR is the only place where people are awake this time of night!
Lol, what can I say!
Reply 2
Hey there, thanks for answering I'm up fretting about this, what's your excuse? 
You make good points. The thing is, I'm actually not depressed - and I haven't been for ages! That's why this really reeeaaaallly sucks!
I think it probably is the best way. I just don't want my partner to ask his dad about why he won't speak to me and a lot of stuff get said that could mess up their relationship. I know my boyfriend and if his dad said anything bad about me he really wouldn't like it!
This is so dumb.
It's not like I'm even actually depressed, that's the part that's driving me up the wall. Tempted to just call him and tell him I'm not...but then he'd think I was a mentalist! Can't win!
I'm up fretting about this, what's your excuse? angus_mcfisher
That could be ridiculous lol. It depends on the circumstances - if you expected your partner to do things for you while you were depressed or it affected your partner in anyway - if he was upset by it for example, then I believe his father could have a grudge against you. However, this is the only reason I think it could be down to you suffering from depression.
You make good points. The thing is, I'm actually not depressed - and I haven't been for ages! That's why this really reeeaaaallly sucks!
If your partner is close with his dad which it sounds like he is, then there should be no problem in him asking why he's funny with you and I personally would recommend that he does so.
I think it probably is the best way. I just don't want my partner to ask his dad about why he won't speak to me and a lot of stuff get said that could mess up their relationship.
I know my boyfriend and if his dad said anything bad about me he really wouldn't like it!This is so dumb.
It's not like I'm even actually depressed, that's the part that's driving me up the wall. Tempted to just call him and tell him I'm not...but then he'd think I was a mentalist! Can't win!Reply 3
Phantom Phoenix
Hey there, thanks for answering I'm up fretting about this, what's your excuse?
I'm up fretting about this, what's your excuse? Lol, thats jobby! I've just become semi-nocturnal this Summer holiday for some really bizarre reason!
Phantom Phoenix
You make good points. The thing is, I'm actually not depressed - and I haven't been for ages! That's why this really reeeaaaallly sucks!
When you were depressed, what was the situation if it's not too personal? I know a couple who were a lovely couple, they got married and both had fantastic career potential - seriously big! Then, the wife became severely depressed and still is and the husband does all of the housework, cooking, everything. This has also had quite severe impacts on his career too. In this situation, I could in a sense feel sypathetic if the parents begrudged her.
Phantom Phoenix
I know my boyfriend and if his dad said anything bad about me he really wouldn't like it!
Ahh, in which case if you do decide with your boyfriend to go ahead with it, you'll just have to make him promise he will accept whatever his dad has to say.
Hope I've been of some help and infact, hope you're not still fretting!
Reply 4
Get your partner to be subtle, just get him to say something like 'what do you think of Sarah, dad?' and maybe even 'because you seem not to like her much, am I wrong?'
Reply 5
angus_mcfisher
Lol, thats jobby! I've just become semi-nocturnal this Summer holiday for some really bizarre reason!
Lol, happens to me too, you're not alone!
When you were depressed, what was the situation if it's not too personal? I know a couple who were a lovely couple, they got married and both had fantastic career potential - seriously big! Then, the wife became severely depressed and still is and the husband does all of the housework, cooking, everything. This has also had quite severe impacts on his career too. In this situation, I could in a sense feel sypathetic if the parents begrudged her.
Again, good point (I'm glad I posted now!). But unfortunately no dice; I haven't been depressed since well before I met my partner (when he mentioned to his dad that I was unhappy it was because I'd had a row with my mum, that's all). It's not affected us at all, so can't be that...though I do wonder if maybe his dad misunderstood and thinks I still am/could get depressed again. A lot of people in the 50s don't really seem to understand depression so maybe that's it?
Ahh, in which case if you do decide with your boyfriend to go ahead with it, you'll just have to make him promise he will accept whatever his dad has to say.
Some chance! But good sense. I'll try.
Hope I've been of some help and infact, hope you're not still fretting!
Sadly I'm a legendary fretter. And Big Brother's boring as hell so I can't even watch live feed. I'm just playing around on TSR all night. Still, we've all been there!
Reply 6
Timeslikethese
Get your partner to be subtle, just get him to say something like 'what do you think of Sarah, dad?' and maybe even 'because you seem not to like her much, am I wrong?'
Ta for the response
He's actually tried that before and got outright denial that anything was wrong *sigh*. We see quite a bit of him so it's awfully uncomfortable, and getting worse!
Reply 7
Phantom Phoenix
Ta for the response
He's actually tried that before and got outright denial that anything was wrong *sigh*. We see quite a bit of him so it's awfully uncomfortable, and getting worse!
He's actually tried that before and got outright denial that anything was wrong *sigh*. We see quite a bit of him so it's awfully uncomfortable, and getting worse!
And before this he was all lovely and chatty, then?
Reply 8
Timeslikethese
And before this he was all lovely and chatty, then?
Yeah, he was really nice to me. Seriously, you'd think he'd walked in on us having sex on the kitchen table or something, the change is that complete.
Reply 9
Hmm... I personally doubt that it is due to your depression, but to be quite honest we could guess all night and never even come remotely close as to what the problem is. If you wish to solve it then you need to find out exactly what it is.
What your boyfriend should do is wait until there comes a time when his father seems colder and more uncomfortable than normal - and then just simply ask something like "What have you got against her?" or "What was that for" etc. I personally can see that this is the only way you could really get an answer............. other than this other way...
Another way, relies on his mum and dad having a good relationship and that he has a good relationship with his mum. Couples usually talk to each other about matters such as their childs partners, and therefore if there was something wrong with the dad then the mother would most likely know.
Sorry that's all I can give at this hour
What your boyfriend should do is wait until there comes a time when his father seems colder and more uncomfortable than normal - and then just simply ask something like "What have you got against her?" or "What was that for" etc. I personally can see that this is the only way you could really get an answer............. other than this other way...
Another way, relies on his mum and dad having a good relationship and that he has a good relationship with his mum. Couples usually talk to each other about matters such as their childs partners, and therefore if there was something wrong with the dad then the mother would most likely know.
Sorry that's all I can give at this hour
Reply 10
angus_mcfisher
Hmm... I personally doubt that it is due to your depression, but to be quite honest we could guess all night and never even come remotely close as to what the problem is. If you wish to solve it then you need to find out exactly what it is.
What your boyfriend should do is wait until there comes a time when his father seems colder and more uncomfortable than normal - and then just simply ask something like "What have you got against her?" or "What was that for" etc. I personally can see that this is the only way you could really get an answer............. other than this other way...
Another way, relies on his mum and dad having a good relationship and that he has a good relationship with his mum. Couples usually talk to each other about matters such as their childs partners, and therefore if there was something wrong with the dad then the mother would most likely know.
Sorry that's all I can give at this hour
What your boyfriend should do is wait until there comes a time when his father seems colder and more uncomfortable than normal - and then just simply ask something like "What have you got against her?" or "What was that for" etc. I personally can see that this is the only way you could really get an answer............. other than this other way...
Another way, relies on his mum and dad having a good relationship and that he has a good relationship with his mum. Couples usually talk to each other about matters such as their childs partners, and therefore if there was something wrong with the dad then the mother would most likely know.
Sorry that's all I can give at this hour
Your first one might be a good move; the other, I like his dad's wife, but it's my boyfriend's stepmother so he's not really comfortable enough to give that a try. I think the first thing you said there is the best idea - he's going to call his dad tomorrow and ask him why he was funny with me today. Thanks a lot for helping; you too, timeslikethese.
I'm going to try and get some sleep I think!Reply 11
Hehe, your welcome! Good night, and hope you get it sorted!
Reply 12
Did you ever get it sorted?
Reply 13
Well, he called his dad about why he'd been weird with me and his dad swears there's no problem - there obviously is, but we can't see where to go from here. Guess it's one of those things you just have to put up with and hope it goes away in time. Thanks for remembering though!
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