Feeling pretty *****y about being unattractive, awkward and unable to hold a conversa

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    #1

    Hey

    I'm going to try and put this into words as best as I can, I really appreciate any+all help.

    I've been feeling miserable for years now, simply because of the above things. The one girl I've ever liked, and have liked for 5 years, won't even look at me now because I'm just really awkward and look really geeky. The one time I managed to talk to her I couldn't think of a single thing to say; I sat there for several minutes without saying a thing (which was obviously extremely awkward and I've not spoken to her since, as I said she won't even look at me now).

    This isn't just an "awkward around crush" type thing though, while I've been getting steadily more confident around most people, I tend to really struggle to think of anything to say, I've tried to take an interest in current issues etc. but I feel even worse if I just have a conversation which is me spouting stuff I heard on the news.

    Any advice? This is starting to get really, really miserable for me...
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    What do you like?

    People like talking about themselves. Ask them about stuff that is linked to what is happened. E.g. if there's homework ask about if they did it. Even if you don't care. Then they will open up and try another question. It's okay.

    I still can't talk to adults, but I've learned to talk to kids my age. You can get better, I promise.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Athena64)
    What do you like?

    People like talking about themselves. Ask them about stuff that is linked to what is happened. E.g. if there's homework ask about if they did it. Even if you don't care. Then they will open up and try another question. It's okay.

    I still can't talk to adults, but I've learned to talk to kids my age. You can get better, I promise.
    Well I guess that's the main issue, I don't really enjoy doing a great deal outside of chess or playing on my computer, which isn't really something that many people are interested in.
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    At least you're not a 5'4 guy.
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    If you like a girl for 5 years then something is wrong. She wont magically turn around and love you she probably doesn't like you in that way. 5 years :/ is she a Uni degree?

    Honestly, change is going to come from you. I used to be socially awkward and then I practice now I am alright at talking to random people and those I know. Believe in yourself, there are so many girls out there who would like you.

    Fix yourself:
    Go gym,read books,watch youtube vida about socialising, practice talk to shop keepers ask them how are you etc,talk to your neighbours. When you get a girlfriend or are successful at something or very popular that girl will be like "oh **** what an absoloute lad".

    Its all got to come from you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I guess that's the main issue, I don't really enjoy doing a great deal outside of chess or playing on my computer, which isn't really something that many people are interested in.
    You any good at chess? I've been trying to get into it myself, but it's hard when you don't know any strategies lol

    Playing on your computer? Like, Steam games, or PC games? Video games have a massive following.

    I'd suggest getting out of your comfort zone and try new things, maybe you'll find something fun, and find new people too.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by SuperHuman98)
    If you like a girl for 5 years then something is wrong. She wont magically turn around and love you she probably doesn't like you in that way. 5 years :/ is she a Uni degree?

    Honestly, change is going to come from you. I used to be socially awkward and then I practice now I am alright at talking to random people and those I know. Believe in yourself, there are so many girls out there who would like you.

    Fix yourself:
    Go gym,read books,watch youtube vida about socialising, practice talk to shop keepers ask them how are you etc,talk to your neighbours. When you get a girlfriend or are successful at something or very popular that girl will be like "oh **** what an absoloute lad".

    Its all got to come from you
    Oh yeah, I'm well aware I'm being ridiculous by still liking her, nothing I can seem to do about it.

    I have been trying to improve myself for a long time; I just tend to feel great once I've watched a bunch of videos and feel ready to finally stop being awkward, but as soon as I get into a social situation that all just falls apart and I'm back to the beginning again.

    These "loops" have helped me progress a bit, but it's been very little : (
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    Maybe you could create a form of list of interesting questions/ice breakers you could use when you first meet people, like "what movies do you like?" (just a small simple example), and once you've made that list just try and memorise it, so you can use them for future conversations. Clearly it's not just you who isn't quite sure how to speak to people if there have been big awkward silences in chats, it takes two to tango! It is tricky knowing what to say, but if the other person is quite quiet themselves, the best thing to do is keep firing out interesting questions that lets them tell you quite a lot, so you can pick up on things they say and carry on from there! Don't worry, I think about 80% of people don't truly feel 100% confident when speaking to people they don't know very well, it can just be an act they put on to look like they're not nervous. Hope you feel better soon, it's something I've been working on too.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Athena64)
    You any good at chess? I've been trying to get into it myself, but it's hard when you don't know any strategies lol

    Playing on your computer? Like, Steam games, or PC games? Video games have a massive following.

    I'd suggest getting out of your comfort zone and try new things, maybe you'll find something fun, and find new people too.
    I'm mediocre at best haha.
    And I agree, I do need to.
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey

    I'm going to try and put this into words as best as I can, I really appreciate any+all help.

    I've been feeling miserable for years now, simply because of the above things. The one girl I've ever liked, and have liked for 5 years, won't even look at me now because I'm just really awkward and look really geeky. The one time I managed to talk to her I couldn't think of a single thing to say; I sat there for several minutes without saying a thing (which was obviously extremely awkward and I've not spoken to her since, as I said she won't even look at me now).

    This isn't just an "awkward around crush" type thing though, while I've been getting steadily more confident around most people, I tend to really struggle to think of anything to say, I've tried to take an interest in current issues etc. but I feel even worse if I just have a conversation which is me spouting stuff I heard on the news.

    Any advice? This is starting to get really, really miserable for me...
    If this girl is not interested in you at all, then don't waste your time on her! Trust me, you will find someone who will love you for who you are, just the way you are!
    Online

    3
    Are you me?
    I had exactly the same thing happen!
    I can't give any advice as I'm the same as you but I will be staying here for a bit to see others advice!

    Hope you get the advice you're looking for!

    Just thought I'd write this to let you know, you're not alone here!
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by chunkyandfunky)
    Maybe you could create a form of list of interesting questions/ice breakers you could use when you first meet people, like "what movies do you like?" (just a small simple example), and once you've made that list just try and memorise it, so you can use them for future conversations. Clearly it's not just you who isn't quite sure how to speak to people if there have been big awkward silences in chats, it takes two to tango! It is tricky knowing what to say, but if the other person is quite quiet themselves, the best thing to do is keep firing out interesting questions that lets them tell you quite a lot, so you can pick up on things they say and carry on from there! Don't worry, I think about 80% of people don't truly feel 100% confident when speaking to people they don't know very well, it can just be an act they put on to look like they're not nervous. Hope you feel better soon, it's something I've been working on too.
    Hmm, I've never felt comfortable making small talk like that, I always feel as though I'm boring the other person : s
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm mediocre at best haha.
    And I agree, I do need to.
    It's hard, I'm still not at the 'hey I can do everything time to rollerskate and air dive and such', but I can see where it helps. Baby steps.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If this girl is not interested in you at all, then don't waste your time on her! Trust me, you will find someone who will love you for who you are, just the way you are!
    I've been trying to : (

    I've had periods where I stop thinking about her (or well, think about her very infrequently) but that never seems to last.

    I guess part of the issue is I just don't seem to felt any sort of connection to anyone else I've met? Whilst I'm well aware that there will be someone else and it's ok not to like someone, that never seems to sink into my brain.
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    I'm the same, like it's disgusting how ugly I actually am but I can't change it so I just gotta own it 😔 Good luck, sorry I don't have much advise 👀
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    You gotta get out the house and do some exercise. People are not designed to sit in a room doing nothing all day if you create some happy chemicals it creates good feeling. Youre thought process will change and youll gain confidence naturally.

    Watch as many videos as you like but if you dont actually do something yourself nothing will change.

    Tried meditation? Great for self awareness despite what the sceptics say.

    I dare you to join a gym, its £15 a month, run, row, lift some weights youll feel like the man.

    You wont even care about the girl, dont live for anyone else. Im 31 and ive felt like that my whole life until 2 years ago, massive breakdown, completely dropped out of life. And you know what, all the **** and anxietys i had about myself then dont mean **** now. You guys gotta nip this in the bud now or it'll eat away at you until you until something snaps.

    If you have the attitude you are ugly and unwanted thats exactly what you'll be. Sad but true.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by r4dly)
    You gotta get out the house and do some exercise. People are not designed to sit in a room doing nothing all day if you create some happy chemicals it creates good feeling. Youre thought process will change and youll gain confidence naturally.

    Watch as many videos as you like but if you dont actually do something yourself nothing will change.

    Tried meditation? Great for self awareness despite what the sceptics say.

    I dare you to join a gym, its £15 a month, run, row, lift some weights youll feel like the man.
    I agree; exercise really helps.
    I've been running three times a week and doing press-ups and sit ups etc. at home twice a week for a few months and it's really helped! Would absolutely recommend it to everyone!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I agree; exercise really helps.
    I've been running three times a week and doing press-ups and sit ups etc. at home twice a week for a few months and it's really helped! Would absolutely recommend it to everyone!
    If you want to socialise with girls go kickboxing. Team sports with guys isnt really my thing but if you plan an activity with girls it makes convo easier and you go from there, and its fun.
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    Just talk to people about themselves. Everyone loves talking about themselves. Ask them where they're from, what their favourite restaurant is, what they think of etc....

    Obviously don't just ask a random series of questions, link them all together. That's a good conversation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey

    I'm going to try and put this into words as best as I can, I really appreciate any+all help.

    I've been feeling miserable for years now, simply because of the above things. The one girl I've ever liked, and have liked for 5 years, won't even look at me now because I'm just really awkward and look really geeky. The one time I managed to talk to her I couldn't think of a single thing to say; I sat there for several minutes without saying a thing (which was obviously extremely awkward and I've not spoken to her since, as I said she won't even look at me now).

    This isn't just an "awkward around crush" type thing though, while I've been getting steadily more confident around most people, I tend to really struggle to think of anything to say, I've tried to take an interest in current issues etc. but I feel even worse if I just have a conversation which is me spouting stuff I heard on the news.

    Any advice? This is starting to get really, really miserable for me...
    You should write down questions you want to ask on paper or on your mobile then when you run out of things to say you can take a sneaky look at the questions and she will think you're only checking text messages on your mobile.
    Or just write down all the things you like doing and places you want to go to then you can use them as questions or things to talk about
    Write a list of 10 things or even 20
    Talk about films you have seen or want to see, ask if they want to go cinema
    Talk about music you like

    Or watch films, mini series free on the internet then you can talk about them
    These are some free film websites you can look up
    123movies.to
    Showbox
    Putlocker
    Filmon.tv

    If you wear glasses you can chsnge them to different cool style or you should think about wearing contact lenses, even if you don't wear glasses you can wear coloured contact lenses. Change the way you dress like dress smart in nice black trousers, new jacket or in a bright colour, get a new hairstyle or haircut or even try a new hair colour by dyeing your hair.
    Try to interest her or other people you meet in things you like by talking about chess and playing games on computer and offer to teach them how to play or ask them if they want to try playing it with you. Then you can ask what they love doing and try to get interested in their hobbies too
    You could always explain to her that you find it hard to hold a conversation as she would understand every time you go quiet or you can ask her for her number to text her this and other things.
 
 
 
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