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    Hello guys, i'd just like some feedback on my very first cover letter, written for a marketing assistant position at a firm calle MB Advertising.


    My cv is okay...but seeing as this is my first cover letter ever, i just want people to give feedback.

    *****Dear Sir/Madam,
    It is with great enthusiasm, that I submit my application for the position of Agency Marketing Assistant, for your firm.
    The nature of my Marketing and Advertising Management course has allowed me to apply for this. Seeing as so far the course has involved; a great deal of Business Planning & Market research, requiring initiative, self-motivation, and a wide variety of other skills. As-well as attending various events, such as the MADE Festival and Make Your Mark which was held at the Sheffield University.
    As shown on my CV, I have over 2 years’ worth of experience in the Hospitality industry, and in my current role as a Head Receptionist at COSMO I have been responsible for the entire administration part of the restaurant. Which mainly includes communicating with customers via both email and over the phone on a daily basis. More-so with face to face, as I was the first person the customers would interact with. As-well as handling bookings, personal data, and special requirements which customers may have, and producing documents for training purposes – all of which were done using the computer.
    I am a well organised, hardworking person – who pays great attention to detail. I'm flexible, quick to pick up new skills and eager to learn from others. Boasting with lots of ideas and enthusiasm which I can bring to MB Advertising. Combined with my previous experience and expertise, I believe my contribution will have an immediate impact on the organisation.
    Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to meeting with you to discuss my application further.

    Yours Sincerely
    *****

    The job ad is here http://www.mbadvertising.co.uk/careers/
    So really guys...is my cover letter okay ?
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    It is a good covering letter, but there are parts of it that say absolutely nothing. For example, in the sentence, "The nature of my Marketing and Advertising Management course has allowed me to apply for this." I would hope a marketing course did qualify you but this is a very wordy way of saying, "I have completed a Marketing and Advertising Management course."

    Get rid of your semi-colons. I have absolutely no idea when semi-colons are a good idea, but they certainly aren't a good idea in a covering letter. If the person reading is an English scholar and you get it wrong, you may be shot down for the wrong reasons.

    Finally, everyone is hard working, especially those contestants on the X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent. You don't need to say you are hard working. Similarly, don't boast about anything. You are simply enthusiastic. That is enough.

    Have a re-read and cut out anything that doesn't add to your cause. There is a little verbal decoration that just isn't required. The main content however is fine.

    Good luck!
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    (Original post by ByEeek)
    It is a good covering letter, but there are parts of it that say absolutely nothing. For example, in the sentence, "The nature of my Marketing and Advertising Management course has allowed me to apply for this." I would hope a marketing course did qualify you but this is a very wordy way of saying, "I have completed a Marketing and Advertising Management course."

    Get rid of your semi-colons. I have absolutely no idea when semi-colons are a good idea, but they certainly aren't a good idea in a covering letter. If the person reading is an English scholar and you get it wrong, you may be shot down for the wrong reasons.

    Finally, everyone is hard working, especially those contestants on the X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent. You don't need to say you are hard working. Similarly, don't boast about anything. You are simply enthusiastic. That is enough.

    Have a re-read and cut out anything that doesn't add to your cause. There is a little verbal decoration that just isn't required. The main content however is fine.

    Good luck!
    Ahh thank - you so much :'
    • Official TSR Representative
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    "Which mainly includes communicating with customers via both email and over the phone on a daily basis."

    I would change this slightly to 'This mainly includes' rather than 'Which mainly includes' and combined the two sentences to just say 'via email, telephone and face-to-face'.

    For a first cover letter you've done a pretty good job! Good luck on your application.

    If you're looking for some more tips on this, there's this article about what isn't a good idea to include in your cover letter: http://advice.milkround.com/6-senten...a-cover-letter
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    (Original post by Dann.It)
    Hello guys, i'd just like some feedback on my very first cover letter, written for a marketing assistant position at a firm calle MB Advertising.


    My cv is okay...but seeing as this is my first cover letter ever, i just want people to give feedback.

    *****Dear Sir/Madam,
    It is with great enthusiasm, that I submit my application for the position of Agency Marketing Assistant, for your firm.
    The nature of my Marketing and Advertising Management course has allowed me to apply for this. Seeing as so far the course has involved; a great deal of Business Planning & Market research, requiring initiative, self-motivation, and a wide variety of other skills. As-well as attending various events, such as the MADE Festival and Make Your Mark which was held at the Sheffield University.
    As shown on my CV, I have over 2 years’ worth of experience in the Hospitality industry, and in my current role as a Head Receptionist at COSMO I have been responsible for the entire administration part of the restaurant. Which mainly includes communicating with customers via both email and over the phone on a daily basis. More-so with face to face, as I was the first person the customers would interact with. As-well as handling bookings, personal data, and special requirements which customers may have, and producing documents for training purposes – all of which were done using the computer.
    I am a well organised, hardworking person – who pays great attention to detail. I'm flexible, quick to pick up new skills and eager to learn from others. Boasting with lots of ideas and enthusiasm which I can bring to MB Advertising. Combined with my previous experience and expertise, I believe my contribution will have an immediate impact on the organisation.
    Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to meeting with you to discuss my application further.

    Yours Sincerely
    *****

    The job ad is here http://www.mbadvertising.co.uk/careers/
    So really guys...is my cover letter okay ?
    My two cents:

    'A wide variety of other skills' seems a bit vague to me. 'Which mainly includes..." This mainly includes sounds better. Also I would get rid of the more so face to face bit. If you can give a time when you used your iniative in the workplace that would be great. Also an example of when you paid attention to detail too.
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    (Original post by Dann.It)
    Hello guys, i'd just like some feedback on my very first cover letter, written for a marketing assistant position at a firm calle MB Advertising.


    My cv is okay...but seeing as this is my first cover letter ever, i just want people to give feedback.

    *****Dear Sir/Madam,
    It is with great enthusiasm, that I submit my application for the position of Agency Marketing Assistant, for your firm.
    The nature of my Marketing and Advertising Management course has allowed me to apply for this. Seeing as so far the course has involved; a great deal of Business Planning & Market research, requiring initiative, self-motivation, and a wide variety of other skills. As-well as attending various events, such as the MADE Festival and Make Your Mark which was held at the Sheffield University.
    As shown on my CV, I have over 2 years’ worth of experience in the Hospitality industry, and in my current role as a Head Receptionist at COSMO I have been responsible for the entire administration part of the restaurant. Which mainly includes communicating with customers via both email and over the phone on a daily basis. More-so with face to face, as I was the first person the customers would interact with. As-well as handling bookings, personal data, and special requirements which customers may have, and producing documents for training purposes – all of which were done using the computer.
    I am a well organised, hardworking person – who pays great attention to detail. I'm flexible, quick to pick up new skills and eager to learn from others. Boasting with lots of ideas and enthusiasm which I can bring to MB Advertising. Combined with my previous experience and expertise, I believe my contribution will have an immediate impact on the organisation.
    Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to meeting with you to discuss my application further.

    Yours Sincerely
    *****

    The job ad is here http://www.mbadvertising.co.uk/careers/
    So really guys...is my cover letter okay ?
    its a good effort well done
 
 
 
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