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Apologising to someone I was horrible to at school years later? Watch

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    Just looking for opinions, maybe from people who were on the receiving end of something similar to what i'm about to say?

    I finished school years ago, I graduated this year from university to give you some idea. I had a best friend at school and we were such good friends since yr 7, she always stood by me and was generally just a really nice person. without her i probably never would have had friends. for some reason in year 10 me and the rest of my friendship group turned on her and basically made her feel so left out that she stopped hanging out with us. she literally burst into tears once because of this and we just were like "why are you crying" in a non-sympathetic way. in the end she found a new nice group of friends who i know she is still good friends with now. honestly i can't comprehend why i acted in this way and it's my one regret about school and still feel bad to this day. despite all this she said at the end of school (year 11) that one of her best memories in school was with us... by this point we were on speaking terms again but we were never really proper friends again though she was definitely the bigger person.

    anyway i recently found some memorabilia from the time that we were friends which i think might be nice for her to have to remember her childhood. i've sent it to everyone else who was in my group. i am definitely sending this to her too, but my question is if a conversation starts, do you think it'd be worth apologising for how i acted back then? because she must have felt horrible... or are some things best left unsaid and in the past?
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    Don't mention it unless she brings it up because it might be awkward. It's been a few years so she may have forgotten or stopped holding a grudge, if she did. People make mistakes when they're younger.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just looking for opinions, maybe from people who were on the receiving end of something similar to what i'm about to say?I finished school years ago, I graduated this year from university to give you some idea. I had a best friend at school and we were such good friends since yr 7, she always stood by me and was generally just a really nice person. without her i probably never would have had friends. for some reason in year 10 me and the rest of my friendship group turned on her and basically made her feel so left out that she stopped hanging out with us. she literally burst into tears once because of this and we just were like "why are you crying" in a non-sympathetic way. in the end she found a new nice group of friends who i know she is still good friends with now. honestly i can't comprehend why i acted in this way and it's my one regret about school and still feel bad to this day. despite all this she said at the end of school (year 11) that one of her best memories in school was with us... by this point we were on speaking terms again but we were never really proper friends again though she was definitely the bigger person.anyway i recently found some memorabilia from the time that we were friends which i think might be nice for her to have to remember her childhood. i've sent it to everyone else who was in my group. i am definitely sending this to her too, but my question is if a conversation starts, do you think it'd be worth apologising for how i acted back then? because she must have felt horrible... or are some things best left unsaid and in the past?

    I think you should do it, just to give you some peace of mind. I disagree with UWS: if she's still hurt it's unlikely she'd tell you about it-I have been unable to. At school, a group of girls did something similar to me and it was VERY painful and left me questioning my worth as a friend

    Edit: besides what have you got to lose (apart from looking slightly strange)?
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    do it! someone recently aploogised to me for bullying me when we were younger. i was so over it, but clearly it was eating them up inside. i found it very refreshing. however dont assume that you will become best friends or even friends again, sometimes that doesnt happen, but it wont hurt. dont dredge up the past too much, keep it shallow, something along the lines of...

    hey ***, how are you? I know this is a bit out of the blue, but i just wanted to apologise for all the mean things i said/did to you a few years ago. i dont expect forgiveness, but i want you to know that im sorry. have a nice day
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just looking for opinions, maybe from people who were on the receiving end of something similar to what i'm about to say?

    I finished school years ago, I graduated this year from university to give you some idea. I had a best friend at school and we were such good friends since yr 7, she always stood by me and was generally just a really nice person. without her i probably never would have had friends. for some reason in year 10 me and the rest of my friendship group turned on her and basically made her feel so left out that she stopped hanging out with us. she literally burst into tears once because of this and we just were like "why are you crying" in a non-sympathetic way. in the end she found a new nice group of friends who i know she is still good friends with now. honestly i can't comprehend why i acted in this way and it's my one regret about school and still feel bad to this day. despite all this she said at the end of school (year 11) that one of her best memories in school was with us... by this point we were on speaking terms again but we were never really proper friends again though she was definitely the bigger person.

    anyway i recently found some memorabilia from the time that we were friends which i think might be nice for her to have to remember her childhood. i've sent it to everyone else who was in my group. i am definitely sending this to her too, but my question is if a conversation starts, do you think it'd be worth apologising for how i acted back then? because she must have felt horrible... or are some things best left unsaid and in the past?
    If it was me I would. {I have, won't go into it but when I was at school I was a horrid bully, with a gang of about 10 lads - there is no excuse for it and I'd never justify it }

    This one guy I picked on, I met him later on in life [was about 3 years after leaving school] and it was on the bus and he saw me sitting there and came over, and the moment I looked up at him my heart sank, he just shook my hand like we were old mates or something, even though he held no malice I had to say sorry for the times I bullied him [a nasty incident where I stabbed him with a pencil in the chest and was bleeding what a **** I was]

    He was like 'hey that was then it's cool'' but it wasn't so we just chatted and he left but glad I managed to apologise for my behaviour, not for my own selfish reasons but to bully, taunt, attack another just because you can is not acceptable. I always think of those that I bullied and feel such anger towards myself [and so I should] but as I've grown up I've learnt and am the opposite of the person I was back then. I try to do charity stuff that is against bullying at school and affiliated with bullying.

    You met up with her? if you do just hug her and I'm sure that'll mean the world to her. We can't rectify the wrongs we've done but can make amends for it
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    (Original post by Jess_x)
    I think you should do it, just to give you some peace of mind. I disagree with UWS: if she's still hurt it's unlikely she'd tell you about it-I have been unable to. At school, a group of girls did something similar to me and it was VERY painful and left me questioning my worth as a friend

    Edit: besides what have you got to lose (apart from looking slightly strange)?
    Looking strange or feeling awkward is trivial to what the girl would have gone through.
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    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    Looking strange or feeling awkward is trivial to what the girl would have gone through.
    AMEN. I wish they'd apologise to me.
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    (Original post by Jess_x)
    AMEN. I wish they'd apologise to me.
    More fool them for not doing so. I believe all bullies get their comeuppance one way or another. Hope you're not affected by what you experienced.
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    Like everyone above, I would apologize first. It makes her aware that you knew what you did is wrong. If you just contact her and never mention it she will think you don't feel bad or cared for her or her feelings. 'Even' if she's over it, it's best to let her know where you stand.
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    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    More fool them for not doing so. I believe all bullies get their comeuppance one way or another. Hope you're not affected by what you experienced.
    Not at all

    I would't beat yourself up too much about it though bc you're a completely different person now- you've realised you were wrong to do that stuff so surely you don't have to dwell in the past, blaming yourself anymore. Being completely honest, I haven't stuck up for people in the past when I could have. We're only human
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    (Original post by Jess_x)
    Not at all

    I would't beat yourself up too much about it though bc you're a completely different person now- you've realised you were wrong to do that stuff so surely you don't have to dwell in the past, blaming yourself anymore. Being completely honest, I haven't stuck up for people in the past when I could have. We're only human
    Thanks, much appreciated.

    I wish mine was about not sticking up for people, it wasn't.

    But yes I'm not that person, but to think to have done that, and those that were at the receiving end, the way they'd be feeling at the time, and even now, how their lives have been affected [ as it does for so many, they wonder why they are being picked on etc etc]
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    U killed her that day, betrayed someone who made gave her all for you. She has probably wandered off like a poorly dog to be alone and die whilst you have profited from her soul
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    Jesus, kids can be so cruel. I think you should, for your own conscience. Be wary you don't come off like some pretentious **** attempting the moral high ground though
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just looking for opinions, maybe from people who were on the receiving end of something similar to what i'm about to say?

    I finished school years ago, I graduated this year from university to give you some idea. I had a best friend at school and we were such good friends since yr 7, she always stood by me and was generally just a really nice person. without her i probably never would have had friends. for some reason in year 10 me and the rest of my friendship group turned on her and basically made her feel so left out that she stopped hanging out with us. she literally burst into tears once because of this and we just were like "why are you crying" in a non-sympathetic way. in the end she found a new nice group of friends who i know she is still good friends with now. honestly i can't comprehend why i acted in this way and it's my one regret about school and still feel bad to this day. despite all this she said at the end of school (year 11) that one of her best memories in school was with us... by this point we were on speaking terms again but we were never really proper friends again though she was definitely the bigger person.

    anyway i recently found some memorabilia from the time that we were friends which i think might be nice for her to have to remember her childhood. i've sent it to everyone else who was in my group. i am definitely sending this to her too, but my question is if a conversation starts, do you think it'd be worth apologising for how i acted back then? because she must have felt horrible... or are some things best left unsaid and in the past?

    If you have suddenly realised, then I would go out of my way to apologise and not hide from it. That means an apology in person and specific time ste aside. Sounds like you were really rubbish to her and will have had a big negative impact. Perhaps it cna be an icebreaker so you cna resume being friends but in a better level. You will also feel a lot better for it, less guilt.

    She sounds like the bigger person , but it would still mean a lot imo.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    If you have suddenly realised, then I would go out of my way to apologise and not hide from it. That means an apology in person and specific time ste aside. Sounds like you were really rubbish to her and will have had a big negative impact. Perhaps it cna be an icebreaker so you cna resume being friends but in a better level. You will also feel a lot better for it, less guilt.

    She sounds like the bigger person , but it would still mean a lot imo.
    Absolutely 100% agree. PRSOM.
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    Back in secondary school i ended up becoming friends with one of my bullies.

    It was really a shock to me that this person, was a really nice person inside out yet acted sooo ruthless around me .

    Yes, you should apologise and do all that stuff.
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    I apologised recently to an ex I was a total **** to about ten years ago. I wasn't expecting any response at all, but he actually apologised for some of his actions in return and acknowledged that we were young and that we know better now.

    It was actually a very cathartic experience (for both of us, I hope).
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    well said Betelgeuse, so many people who bully or hurt others don't realise how they make others feel. it shouldn't matter if what you did 2 minutes or 22 years ago, if you know you have done wrong by someone who was a good person or not as strong in themselves as you were at that time an apology is always welcome if you can find them or call them or tell them to their face. its easy to hear others say you can't change who you were then or say I was younger or more ignorant/easily lead by others etc; but people have feelings and some people carry even the most simple hurts with them for a long time. some even attempt to or do end their lives as things get too much for them to cope with or they have other areas of their lives that bullies are only adding to! show this person you have actually now grown up and can accept there are consequences for your actions and are genuinely sorry. most decent people would accept this, whether they speak to you again or you ever see them again or not is not the point, you have obviously thought a lot about the unkind way you felt you behaved so it has obviously played on your mind, but can you imagine how many times that person had to go over what you did in their minds; feeling upset, low self esteem, betrayed, angry or confused? I bet the gesture if it is honestly meant will be taken by that person in a good way. if you haven't already done so, then do what you already know what is the right thing to do in your heart. and try to think for the future: you only really know the awfulness of things like this when you are close to it by beinng the victim, or if you know vunerable people in your family etc who have gone through this. life is too short for unessesary pain and hurt. so if you are still online or reading this "anonymous" this person was there for you and stood by you. you owe it to them to stop being a coward now. you hid behind all those who were on your side against this person, now you are aware she/he has good friends around her you realise it is you who is the weaker person now. if you are really sorry? you have to tell this person.
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    I feel strongly about this and I have replied to Betelgeuse but thinking about it I maybe should have replied to your question directly as my feelings are for you to read. I am new to online so maybe I am not used to how to reply.I hope you can read the comments, I have not been abusive, but I think I have said things in a similar way that others here have written about. I think you are regretful and that is positive, I hope you will read the reply I just sent and as others suggest. apologise to this person. you have asked people for their opinions and we have given you our time. thanks.j/e.1


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just looking for opinions, maybe from people who were on the receiving end of something similar to what i'm about to say?


    I finished school years ago, I graduated this year from university to give you some idea. I had a best friend at school and we were such good friends since yr 7, she always stood by me and was generally just a really nice person. without her i probably never would have had friends. for some reason in year 10 me and the rest of my friendship group turned on her and basically made her feel so left out that she stopped hanging out with us. she literally burst into tears once because of this and we just were like "why are you crying" in a non-sympathetic way. in the end she found a new nice group of friends who i know she is still good friends with now. honestly i can't comprehend why i acted in this way and it's my one regret about school and still feel bad to this day. despite all this she said at the end of school (year 11) that one of her best memories in school was with us... by this point we were on speaking terms again but we were never really proper friends again though she was definitely the bigger person.

    anyway i recently found some memorabilia from the time that we were friends which i think might be nice for her to have to remember her childhood. i've sent it to everyone else who was in my group. i am definitely sending this to her too, but my question is if a conversation starts, do you think it'd be worth apologising for how i acted back then? because she must have felt horrible... or are some things best left unsaid and in the past?
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    thank you all i think i will apologise... hopefully it's well recieved.
 
 
 
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