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    I moved to uni about a couple weeks ago and I'm finding it really difficult to settle. All my house mates are lovely, I have spoken to them about how I'm feeling and they are all very understanding. I am getting out and doing things everyday, even some of my friends from back home are living here too. However I feel like I have made a mistake coming to uni. I'm studying music in Brighton and although it is a brilliant town and will give me more of a chance than my little home town. I can't help feeling overwhelming homesick, I have cried almost everyday I have been here, I don't drink so I'm finding it hard because everyone else wants to go out drinking. I also have really bad anxiety and am prone to depression. I haven't felt hungry at all whilst being here and have not been eating or sleeping properly, which is really making me feel ill. I am only 19 years old but I know I can't drop out already, I haven't even started my course yet but I'm not sure if I was actually ready to leave home? (I know you have to leave home at some point, however under different circumstances getting married/own family) it would be completely different to being here on my own. I also cant drop out because my dad will have to carry on paying the rent for my room until they find a new tenant (no halls at my uni) and my family have paid so much money and made so much effort to give me a chance at what I want and it makes me feel so guilty and awful if I didn't give it a shot. All I keep thinking is I can struggle through the first year and then drop out because I'm really feeling that this just isn't for me. And although the uni course will be good for connections and exporsure as a musician, you can always be a successful musician without uni.

    I'm not sure what to do right now, feel completely lost.
    I'm going home for the weekend, I don't know whether this will help or not, but I need to stop my anxiety/sadness so I can actually eat some food because I feel so ill because of it. I don't know if anybody has any advice but would be good to hear back your opinion?
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    Firstly thing don't worry about the homesickness that will pass in the next couple of weeks.

    Can you bring mementos from home such photographs, pillows/cushions, your parents favourite cooking? (Mom nom nom)

    Your gotta also remember that everyone starting this year is in the same boat as you.

    Have a look at this website for further information

    http://www.savethestudent.org/intern...-sickness.html


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    It's normal to be home sick for the first few weeks, when you start going to lectures and getting into a bit of routine that should hopefully help you feel a bit better. Why not pop down to your student support services? They might be able to offer you some sort of support with your depression, if you wanted it.
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    I'm sorry you're feeling this way it is really tough when you have to move away, start your new course, make new friends etc. all at the same time. It can get very overwhelming!

    We have a few tips for beating homesickness here

    Hope you feel better soon - I'd really recommend keeping at it :heart:
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    It's normal to be home sick for the first few weeks, when you start going to lectures and getting into a bit of routine that should hopefully help you feel a bit better. Why not pop down to your student support services? They might be able to offer you some sort of support with your depression, if you wanted it.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    It's normal to be home sick for the first few weeks, when you start going to lectures and getting into a bit of routine that should hopefully help you feel a bit better. Why not pop down to your student support services? They might be able to offer you some sort of support with your depression, if you wanted it.
    Yeah I know it is normal, but it feels like it is never going to stop and I cant enjoy anything. Yeah I hope once uni starts I will feel much better. I would do, but my course doesn't start till 3rd of October and I have come down so early, I think it is making things worse. And yeah I was thinking about going to student support.
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    (Original post by Unistudent123444)
    Yeah I know it is normal, but it feels like it is never going to stop and I cant enjoy anything. Yeah I hope once uni starts I will feel much better. I would do, but my course doesn't start till 3rd of October and I have come down so early, I think it is making things worse. And yeah I was thinking about going to student support.
    Are there any activities that your su has you could get involved in? There will be some that involve no drinking
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    (Original post by Unistudent123444)
    I moved to uni about a couple weeks ago and I'm finding it really difficult to settle. All my house mates are lovely, I have spoken to them about how I'm feeling and they are all very understanding. I am getting out and doing things everyday, even some of my friends from back home are living here too. However I feel like I have made a mistake coming to uni. I'm studying music in Brighton and although it is a brilliant town and will give me more of a chance than my little home town. I can't help feeling overwhelming homesick, I have cried almost everyday I have been here, I don't drink so I'm finding it hard because everyone else wants to go out drinking. I also have really bad anxiety and am prone to depression. I haven't felt hungry at all whilst being here and have not been eating or sleeping properly, which is really making me feel ill. I am only 19 years old but I know I can't drop out already, I haven't even started my course yet but I'm not sure if I was actually ready to leave home? (I know you have to leave home at some point, however under different circumstances getting married/own family) it would be completely different to being here on my own. I also cant drop out because my dad will have to carry on paying the rent for my room until they find a new tenant (no halls at my uni) and my family have paid so much money and made so much effort to give me a chance at what I want and it makes me feel so guilty and awful if I didn't give it a shot. All I keep thinking is I can struggle through the first year and then drop out because I'm really feeling that this just isn't for me. And although the uni course will be good for connections and exporsure as a musician, you can always be a successful musician without uni.

    I'm not sure what to do right now, feel completely lost.
    I'm going home for the weekend, I don't know whether this will help or not, but I need to stop my anxiety/sadness so I can actually eat some food because I feel so ill because of it. I don't know if anybody has any advice but would be good to hear back your opinion?
    I would try and stick with it for a while longer, the home sickness should ease. For the first couple of weeks of my Masters I thought I'd made a mistake staying away from home again however once I got work to do and got into a routine it made things much easier.

    Can you reach out on the facebook group for your university and see if others want to do non drinking based activities? Also join any societies you can with a non drinking focus, at my uni we had things like baking, quizzing, societies for various charities, Raise and Giving (a more general charity based one) all of which offered alternative activities to going out drinking.
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    The first few weeks are tough for everyone, especially if the drinking culture isn't for you as you end up lonelier and less busy - both of which will make you feel worse. Going home is honestly the worst thing you can do though, you need to try and tough it out. For people who find leaving home hard - it will ALWAYS be hard, you may have to move for work or even live by yourself in the future so it's worth having a 'practice run' at university where there is less at stake. But you have to really commit to trying to make it work. It's important to try and make friends and get involved, even if it's not your cup of tea - people will be more open to other stuff later in the year but you have to actually meet them to be able to invite them for dinner/cinema/coffee etc. If you really can't drink perhaps order pizza and invite your flat to join you? Being around people and building a network in your new town will make you feel less homesick. Also keeping busy is really good, this iwll be easier when your course starts and you have more structure but also try and join some societies and give yourself some projects to fill your time now.
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    Hi, honey, I am not a English and can't use English perfectly.But I'll try my best to let you know you're not alone cos I was on the same boat with you 15 years ago when I was a fresher in university. I don't think all your negative emotions are caused by homesickness. My advice is firstly talk what/s in you mind to your parents and seek for advice and support from them. And to see a doctor to make sure if you are under the threat of depression, you can go secretly and don't need letting other people know. Hope you well from the bottom of my heart.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Are there any activities that your su has you could get involved in? There will be some that involve no drinking
    My uni is small and doesn't put on any activities, because it isn't a campus
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    (Original post by jelly1000)
    I would try and stick with it for a while longer, the home sickness should ease. For the first couple of weeks of my Masters I thought I'd made a mistake staying away from home again however once I got work to do and got into a routine it made things much easier.

    Can you reach out on the facebook group for your university and see if others want to do non drinking based activities? Also join any societies you can with a non drinking focus, at my uni we had things like baking, quizzing, societies for various charities, Raise and Giving (a more general charity based one) all of which offered alternative activities to going out drinking.
    Once I start my course hopefully it will be better. But last year I was working (a job not a career) I had a car, could take my mum out, visit my family on my days off, I could afford to pay for weekends away and could afford to pay and go and visit my friends at uni. And i feel like i have gone back a step. I have got very depressed because of this my anxiety has got worse and I'm constantly stressing about money and what I'm going to do with my life. My degree won't really help with being a musician and I'm so confused and sad and lost. I miss my family all the time. My boyfriend of 3 years is at the same uni and to be honest that isn't even helping me, I'm keeping busy, I have friends from home living there and I just can't be happy. I have even thought that if something bad happens to me then I can go home without feeling guilty or like a disappointment. I feel like I have lost my direction and I'm so unhappy and I haven't even tried yet, I don't know what to do. I never give up and I can't give up
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    The first few weeks are tough for everyone, especially if the drinking culture isn't for you as you end up lonelier and less busy - both of which will make you feel worse. Going home is honestly the worst thing you can do though, you need to try and tough it out. For people who find leaving home hard - it will ALWAYS be hard, you may have to move for work or even live by yourself in the future so it's worth having a 'practice run' at university where there is less at stake. But you have to really commit to trying to make it work. It's important to try and make friends and get involved, even if it's not your cup of tea - people will be more open to other stuff later in the year but you have to actually meet them to be able to invite them for dinner/cinema/coffee etc. If you really can't drink perhaps order pizza and invite your flat to join you? Being around people and building a network in your new town will make you feel less homesick. Also keeping busy is really good, this iwll be easier when your course starts and you have more structure but also try and join some societies and give yourself some projects to fill your time now.
    Once I start my course hopefully it will be better. But last year I was working (a job not a career) I had a car, could take my mum out, visit my family on my days off, I could afford to pay for weekends away and could afford to pay and go and visit my friends at uni. And i feel like i have gone back a step. I have got very depressed because of this my anxiety has got worse and I'm constantly stressing about money and what I'm going to do with my life. My degree won't really help with being a musician and I'm so confused and sad and lost. I miss my family all the time. My boyfriend of 3 years is at the same uni and to be honest that isn't even helping me, I'm keeping busy, I have friends from home living there and I just can't be happy. I have even thought that if something bad happens to me then I can go home without feeling guilty or like a disappointment. I feel like I have lost my direction and I'm so unhappy and I haven't even tried yet, I don't know what to do. I never give up and I can't give up
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    (Original post by Yvonne Yan)
    Hi, honey, I am not a English and can't use English perfectly.But I'll try my best to let you know you're not alone cos I was on the same boat with you 15 years ago when I was a fresher in university. I don't think all your negative emotions are caused by homesickness. My advice is firstly talk what/s in you mind to your parents and seek for advice and support from them. And to see a doctor to make sure if you are under the threat of depression, you can go secretly and don't need letting other people know. Hope you well from the bottom of my heart.
    Yeah I have spoken to my parents and they don't really understand and want me to carry on trying and not give up. I feel very very sad and I can't seem to see the end of this sadness. Yeah okay. Thank you so much! you have been lovely <3
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    (Original post by Unistudent123444)
    Once I start my course hopefully it will be better. But last year I was working (a job not a career) I had a car, could take my mum out, visit my family on my days off, I could afford to pay for weekends away and could afford to pay and go and visit my friends at uni. And i feel like i have gone back a step. I have got very depressed because of this my anxiety has got worse and I'm constantly stressing about money and what I'm going to do with my life. My degree won't really help with being a musician and I'm so confused and sad and lost. I miss my family all the time. My boyfriend of 3 years is at the same uni and to be honest that isn't even helping me, I'm keeping busy, I have friends from home living there and I just can't be happy. I have even thought that if something bad happens to me then I can go home without feeling guilty or like a disappointment. I feel like I have lost my direction and I'm so unhappy and I haven't even tried yet, I don't know what to do. I never give up and I can't give up
    well there you go, you've got a huge lifestyle change to deal with and it's going to take time to get used to it

    you are moving forwards because a degree will help you get a career rather than a job, it's a necessary pause before you start moving forwards properly
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    All this newness, trying to get on with people you don't know, sorting everything out for yourself, coping with uncertainty, worrying about your course -- is the same for everyone. Some people are just better at covering it up. Just because they appear to be coping, doesn't mean they are. The way to cope is to be as nice as possible to everyone you meet, knowing they feel like you.

    All these 'problems' are why you have to go away from home, to Uni. This is how you grow up ie take responsibility for yourself. I would not recommend you go home soon. You need to be with other people in your situation so you can sympathise with each other. This is how people bond. If you split away from everyone else you will be making making friends that much harder, setting yourself apart from everyone else.

    Be as flexible as you can. Go out for a drink - heavens you can have a coke can't you? You don't want to gain a reputation for being difficult, stand offish. Don't wait for someone else to suggest what to do. Invite them in for a coffee , a cry over a good film, a game of snap, a look at your new coat, make suggestions about a new hair style...whatever...smile, smile, smile. Be self deprecating but complimentary to everyone else - you like their top, aren't they lucky being so tall, clever, pretty, etc. Small talk is very, very important - it's what makes people feel at home with you , feel as though you are interested in them.

    You are used to being with family and friends who make allowances for you, humour you etc. You have to be able to get on with people who don't know you, don't have the same interests as you, learn to make new contacts- this is what being grown up is about. You are going to have to do this when you get a job, give a talk, meet new clients etc. in the real world.

    Right so write down a list of 3 things you need to do today -
    1)Knock on someone's door and ask them to join you for a coffee and chat, keep going until someone says yes.
    2)Say something nice to 3 people - I like your jacket, shoes, hair...
    3)Ask 3 people where they're from, have they left a bf/gf behind, why they chose their course, how many brothers/sisters they've got .....

    You'll feel much better with a plan of how to survive.. and great when you've done someone a good turn.

    Think , you could be a member of one of those tribes that send you off into the forest to survive on your own for a month. This is easy in comparison!
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    (Original post by pickup)
    All this newness, trying to get on with people you don't know, sorting everything out for yourself, coping with uncertainty, worrying about your course -- is the same for everyone. Some people are just better at covering it up. Just because they appear to be coping, doesn't mean they are. The way to cope is to be as nice as possible to everyone you meet, knowing they feel like you.

    All these 'problems' are why you have to go away from home, to Uni. This is how you grow up ie take responsibility for yourself. I would not recommend you go home soon. You need to be with other people in your situation so you can sympathise with each other. This is how people bond. If you split away from everyone else you will be making making friends that much harder, setting yourself apart from everyone else.

    Be as flexible as you can. Go out for a drink - heavens you can have a coke can't you? You don't want to gain a reputation for being difficult, stand offish. Don't wait for someone else to suggest what to do. Invite them in for a coffee , a cry over a good film, a game of snap, a look at your new coat, make suggestions about a new hair style...whatever...smile, smile, smile. Be self deprecating but complimentary to everyone else - you like their top, aren't they lucky being so tall, clever, pretty, etc. Small talk is very, very important - it's what makes people feel at home with you , feel as though you are interested in them.

    You are used to being with family and friends who make allowances for you, humour you etc. You have to be able to get on with people who don't know you, don't have the same interests as you, learn to make new contacts- this is what being grown up is about. You are going to have to do this when you get a job, give a talk, meet new clients etc. in the real world.

    Right so write down a list of 3 things you need to do today -
    1)Knock on someone's door and ask them to join you for a coffee and chat, keep going until someone says yes.
    2)Say something nice to 3 people - I like your jacket, shoes, hair...
    3)Ask 3 people where they're from, have they left a bf/gf behind, why they chose their course, how many brothers/sisters they've got .....

    You'll feel much better with a plan of how to survive.. and great when you've done someone a good turn.

    Think , you could be a member of one of those tribes that send you off into the forest to survive on your own for a month. This is easy in comparison!
    Hey, I'm a very social person, I have been going out with everyone, every evening and yes having a coke! I'm not standoffish or difficult, if anything you saying that means you are really not very understanding. I have been getting involved in everything with my housemates and made very good friends with some of the girls in my house. I have mates from back home in my uni town as well. I have always found it very easy to make friends and therefore i have already made friends at uni. This is not an issue and it won't ever be for me. And I worked for a year last year as an assistant manager in retail, so I think I'm a little more mature than your making out. I have a very close family and I love my home life and my freedom here. (I do my own washing, cook my own dinners and earn my own money, have my own car) so I don't need to 'grow up' in that way either. I miss having someone to chat to about my day and having a hug when I feel sad. I have Emetophobia, anxiety and as I have said before I'm prone to depression. so it was a very brave decision for me to go to uni at all. It was never something I really wanted. I just didn't know what the next step was and I want more of a chance and my music being heard, the city seemed like a perfect place. I'm overwhelmed and really down, because I don't want to be a failure and I don't want to not be successful. But getting a degree in music won't help me to have a career as a performer. It is complicated. So many conflicting thoughts, about have I done the right thing? I have spoken to student support about how I am feeling and they were really lovely and helpful. I am just finding it hard and really I wanted some positive and helpful people, to make me feel happier about my decision to come to uni and that it is okay if it is not right for me and that i can be successful without it. Seems there is so much pressure on young people these days to go to university and get a degree just because it is the 'next step' however some people aren't ready for that and some people don't thrive in those environments. If there wasn't the pressure, young people wouldn't constantly feel as if they are failing there families and themselves. Everyone is different and everything is different for different people. Some people thrive in a working environment and earning their own money and having their own freedom is another form of growing up because they can provide for themselves. Where as at uni, you may be cooking for yourself and washing your own clothes etc, however you're not 'grown' up in a different way because you're still supported financially and technically still in school, have the holidays off and still be at school for the next three years basically can just piss around if you want. But I'm not that way. And I'm finding it really hard, because I miss my family, my friends back home, having money and freedom. It is difficult to adjust. And I'm not sure I want to, but I don't give up, so I will try my hardest to get my career going whilst I'm at uni this year with all the free time they give us.
 
 
 
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