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I got where I wanted to be, but now I'm having second thoughts Watch

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    I grew up in a very conservative household. Very strict Muslims, even if I wanted to do something that was halal in Islam I couldn't because "culture".

    So I tried my hardest to get my parents' approval to move out for university, and I did. It didn't come without all the terms and conditions though, but I didn't care. For so long I had this idea in my head that this was my ticket out.

    But now that I've moved out I just feel scared. I feel immense guilt and fear and I can't get past it to take control of my own life. Even small things like getting a tattoo, I know it's going to result in many arguments and I don't feel ready.

    Has anyone experienced the same? Do you have any advice?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I grew up in a very conservative household. Very strict Muslims, even if I wanted to do something that was halal in Islam I couldn't because "culture".

    So I tried my hardest to get my parents' approval to move out for university, and I did. It didn't come without all the terms and conditions though, but I didn't care. For so long I had this idea in my head that this was my ticket out.

    But now that I've moved out I just feel scared. I feel immense guilt and fear and I can't get past it to take control of my own life. Even small things like getting a tattoo, I know it's going to result in many arguments and I don't feel ready.

    Has anyone experienced the same? Do you have any advice?
    Live life... You can't continue to be shackled down by guilt and fear.

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    Do what you want. It's your life to live. My Mum always wanted me and my siblings to be religious. My Dad isn't, he eats meat drinks and cuts his hair/shaves.

    Ultimately, I don't drink but I do eat meat and cut my hair. My Mum always wanted me and my sister to be vegetarian and have long hair etc.

    I can understand her upbringing. All of her siblings are very religious and follow these rules. My family don't, except my Mum and little brother. She got over it though, it's not end of the world. She doesn't despise us over it. I'm sure your parents won't either. They will take some time to budge but they'll get over it.
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    If you hadn't moved out I guarantee you would be regretting it much more. Its normal to feel homesick when you first move out, especially for you as you've had a strict upbringing. I say give it time and your independence will grow.
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    Don't worry too much about things, this is an opportunity for you to start to explore and do things on your own terms. Just because you can now get a tattoo doesn't mean you should rush out and do it. Just enjoy uni on your own terms
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    (Original post by Princepieman)
    Live life... You can't continue to be shackled down by guilt and fear.

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    (Original post by Ishax)
    Do what you want. It's your life to live. My Mum always wanted me and my siblings to be religious. My Dad isn't, he eats meat drinks and cuts his hair/shaves.

    Ultimately, I don't drink but I do eat meat and cut my hair. My Mum always wanted me and my sister to be vegetarian and have long hair etc.

    I can understand her upbringing. All of her siblings are very religious and follow these rules. My family don't, except my Mum and little brother. She got over it though, it's not end of the world. She doesn't despise us over it. I'm sure your parents won't either. They will take some time to budge but they'll get over it.
    (Original post by DoodleDee)
    If you hadn't moved out I guarantee you would be regretting it much more. Its normal to feel homesick when you first move out, especially for you as you've had a strict upbringing. I say give it time and your independence will grow.
    (Original post by Mimsycrafts)
    Don't worry too much about things, this is an opportunity for you to start to explore and do things on your own terms. Just because you can now get a tattoo doesn't mean you should rush out and do it. Just enjoy uni on your own terms
    Thanks guys
    I'm just scared because my family isn't the most open minded to new ideas, and want everything to be traditional, so that worries me. Since allowing me to move out they pushed my self esteem down so low that I feel like I can't live without getting their permission for everything but I'll try and gather up some courage.
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    Im in the EXACT same situation. Omg all the years of waiting for the golden ticket and it's just next week!! Im so happy but so frightened at the same time.
    Just remember you(&I) have pretty much been conditioned to believe that we can't breath without our parents being there and saying yes to every breath. They have mentally got into our brain and told us big fat porkies of how we will get into drugs and alcohol and die in an alley somewhere without them. But that IS NOT true AT ALL.
    Who got you this far in life?
    If you say your parents, then you are wrong. You worked hard to get into university and secure your place. You walk and talk all by yourself and believe it or not, but you have your own brain too. you just have to wipe your mind of all the garbage they have fed into your brain over all these years.
    Take everyday at a time, small steps and you will see living life on your own is possible. New, but not impossible.
    Doing things like getting a tattoo should come after months of adjusting to living to your new life, so don't try an rush into that just yet. You have to slowly move into full independence, you cant just run up a mountain right? Take your time and relax, you made it so far after all
    As for feeling guilty, you have no need to. This is YOUR life and you CAN steer it whichever way you choose. You have control of it. Don't feel like a spectator in your own life or trapped by guilt. You just have to let that **** go and move on. It's the last little leg holding you back from enjoying your life away from cultural ********.
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    (Original post by Rt6f)
    Im in the EXACT same situation. Omg all the years of waiting for the golden ticket and it's just next week!! Im so happy but so frightened at the same time.
    Just remember you(&I) have pretty much been conditioned to believe that we can't breath without our parents being there and saying yes to every breath. They have mentally got into our brain and told us big fat porkies of how we will get into drugs and alcohol and die in an alley somewhere without them. But that IS NOT true AT ALL.
    Who got you this far in life?
    If you say your parents, then you are wrong. You worked hard to get into university and secure your place. You walk and talk all by yourself and believe it or not, but you have your own brain too. you just have to wipe your mind of all the garbage they have fed into your brain over all these years.
    Take everyday at a time, small steps and you will see living life on your own is possible. New, but not impossible.
    Doing things like getting a tattoo should come after months of adjusting to living to your new life, so don't try an rush into that just yet. You have to slowly move into full independence, you cant just run up a mountain right? Take your time and relax, you made it so far after all
    As for feeling guilty, you have no need to. This is YOUR life and you CAN steer it whichever way you choose. You have control of it. Don't feel like a spectator in your own life or trapped by guilt. You just have to let that **** go and move on. It's the last little leg holding you back from enjoying your life away from cultural ********.
    Thank you very much! That response really helped, it's nice to know I'm not alone. Would you mind if I PM'd you?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I grew up in a very conservative household. Very strict Muslims, even if I wanted to do something that was halal in Islam I couldn't because "culture".

    So I tried my hardest to get my parents' approval to move out for university, and I did. It didn't come without all the terms and conditions though, but I didn't care. For so long I had this idea in my head that this was my ticket out.

    But now that I've moved out I just feel scared. I feel immense guilt and fear and I can't get past it to take control of my own life. Even small things like getting a tattoo, I know it's going to result in many arguments and I don't feel ready.

    Has anyone experienced the same? Do you have any advice?
    move out you better be going to a different city right, and live your own life go mental get 20 million tattoos its YOUR LIFE BE YOU your only young once frippen embrace it okay.
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    (Original post by may_1)
    move out you better be going to a different city right, and live your own life go mental get 20 million tattoos its YOUR LIFE BE YOU your only young once frippen embrace it okay.
    I am going to a different city, though at most it's a 2 hour drive away. Ha, thank you I'll try! It's just very hard to adjust.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you very much! That response really helped, it's nice to know I'm not alone. Would you mind if I PM'd you?
    not at all people need to stick together when it comes to this kind of stuff
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    It's natural after years of repression that you feel like this. Don't back down now, you'll feel so so so much better in a months time and wonder what you were doing in your life before.
 
 
 
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