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Seeing Ex :(

Tomorrow is my friends birthday and were going to his house and then out into town. However my ex-boyfriend will be there and I really don't want to see him. I feel so fat and although I think I'm quite pretty, being a size 12 makes me look horrid in all my clothes. We went out two years ago and I'm still sooooo hung up on him (even though he has a girlfriend now) and I just don't want to see him as I think it will re-open all my wounds, especially when I'm feeling so insecure. Has anyone got any tips on how I should be and react or do to make me come across better or even look better to make me feel more confident.

God I sound so needy and normally with guys I'm so together but I need serious help with this one, thanks.

Reply 1

username47781

20

First of all depending on how tall you are, size 12 doesn't sound too bad to me. If you do happen to see your ex, I would completely blank him if you can.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

im 5'6 and I know it's silly, but I'm always felt really overweight!!!!! I don't think I could blank him, he's a really nice guy and he has never done anything wrong so wouldn't blanking him be quite mean?

Reply 3

username94219

0

20

^^I agree - blank him!

Reply 4

username47781

20

But if you get talking to him surely that will make things worse?

Reply 5

SmilerNuts

15

Blanking him may work, depends why you broke up though. If he's really nice then just be cool with him , friendly but don't let it seem like you're still interested. Obviously don't spend all night following him but if he comes over to you then be friendly and casual.
Blanking him would let him know you still had feelings for him imo.

Reply 6

I_am_the_mob

1

You are not overweight for a start!
If you still feel that strongly about him I think you should concentrate on what you feel more comfortable doing rather than saving face, if talking to him makes you feel crap then don't feel you have to do it
What I would say though is I was hung up on my ex for a long time but when I saw him again my first thoughts were "What was I thinking?" and I wasn't expecting that. When I got up the courage to speak to him again my thoughts were "Were you always such an idiot?" you may be hung up on the idea of him like i was and in reality seeing him might help you move on

Reply 7

The Bishman

8

Just act normal if you can. Your ex doesnt know your thinking this, and why let him?

He was attracted to you and went out with you in the first place, this must mean your not ugly at all.
Just enjoy your friends birthday and have fun like he's not there. Otherwise you'll be questioning your every move while your at that party.

Reply 8

blot

7

Change your name to Huan Enriquez, have a sex change operation, emmigrate to bolivia and open a small but well respected lama farm.

That'll show him.

Reply 9

Phantom Phoenix

13

blot

Change your name to Huan Enriquez, have a sex change operation, emmigrate to bolivia and open a small but well respected lama farm.

That'll show him.

^ I'm with this guy! :p:

Seriously, a) size 12 is absolutely fine and you're definitely not overweight for your height, and b) I know it won't be easy seeing your ex again - can you act normally around him? I ask because I know if I'd seen my last-ex-but-one anytime for the first few months after we broke up, I would've been a total mess.

As others have said, I wouldn't blank him or act unusually. If you really feel you can't manage to be okay, don't go. Tell your friend you were really ill and you'll make it up to him/her (what's (s)he doing inviting you and your ex anyway? Talk about awkward - and please tell me she didn't invite your ex's new girlfriend as well...). At the end of the day, you can always bail out. But I think the best course of action would be to get your hair done and turn up looking gorgeous, because it makes you feel good, and then be casually friendly with him if he talks to you. Don't initiate contact - take your cues from him. Also, get a few drinks down you as you'll feel more confident and better able to deal with this unpleasant situation.

Reply 10

notsoperfect

1

i know how hard this situation is. it's hard because if he doesn't speak to you, you'll feel like he hates you. and if he does, you'll read things into it. i've acted in a variety of different ways when seeing my ex - i used to be really friendly, and was then disappointed when he was standoffish and drunk and sarcastic to me. so instead, i reminded myself that we were exes for a reason, and took less notice of him. this was better, as i found he actually made more of an effort to talk to me, and i didn't feel like i'd acted overly nicely to him when he didn't deserve it. just be nice, calm and distance yourself.

and size 12 is a lovely size.

Reply 11

*Katie*

1

Make sure you have a few friends who are well aware of the situation and can keep you away / cheer you up if you feel a bit...flat when you see him.

Just last week I saw a semi-ex (is that a word?) at a party after about 6 months, and although I looked and felt fabulous & I have someone new (he wasn't there, though) the sight of him pulling my friend still made me feel a little nauseous . I never told anyone that we had seen eachother for a while, so it wasn't embarrasing. But I felt really deflated and had a crap night. And am annoyed with myself for letting him get to me, and for being really rude and condescending to him. Man, I'm a bitch.

Spend a good hour or two getting ready - take your time and really pick out your most flattering clothes, take time over your hair and make up, and pamper yourself beforehand (a long bath with rejuvenating oils is what I recommend) . This isn't just so that you look fab - you've got to you feel it! The little extra boost could really help. Good luck :smile:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

anks for you help guys, I wish I couldn't go but it's my best mates birthday and she'd be so disapointed if I didn't go. Oh and she didn't really invite him she invited his friend and that group are kinda invited anyway cos we all used to be really good friends, I really hope his g/f doesnt go but I don't think she will. I feel so pathetic but I'm sure I'l be fine, or if not put on an act and pretend I am and go home earliesh! any more last minute advice?

BDW he is a great guy so he won't blank me or anything but we kinda just fizzled out.

Reply 13

Phantom Phoenix

13

Anonymous

anks for you help guys, I wish I couldn't go but it's my best mates birthday and she'd be so disapointed if I didn't go. Oh and she didn't really invite him she invited his friend and that group are kinda invited anyway cos we all used to be really good friends, I really hope his g/f doesnt go but I don't think she will. I feel so pathetic but I'm sure I'l be fine, or if not put on an act and pretend I am and go home earliesh! any more last minute advice?

BDW he is a great guy so he won't blank me or anything but we kinda just fizzled out.

No need to feel pathetic :smile:

Stick it out if you can but know you can get out if you want to - but it sounds like you'll have lots of friends there so have a great time! And don't worry, these things always end up better than you think; it'll probably be fine. Good luck! :hugs:

Seeing Ex :(

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