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feeling "dirty" when people you don't like ask you out watch

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    I thought I already posted this, but it's not appearing on the forum. Anyway, a weird guy that I barely know (we were classmates several years ago but we never talked because, well,...he's weird) keeps sending me messages and asking to "meet up" with him. I know it sounds awful, but I get a sick to my stomach feeling when someone I find so...repulsive...asks me out. I feel gross and dirty and kind of hate him...anyone else get this or am I just a horrible person?

    Well, that's a bit extreme but it's certainly natural to feel uncomfortable. Being annoyed by him though, unless he is pestering, says more about the opinion you have of yourself than anything else.
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    yeah, he's pestering. and trust me when i say he's weird...VERY weird
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    Why did you give him your number?
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    I didn't. Facebook messages. But this is not the first time I've felt this way. A couple other guys in the last few months. I'm generally nice to most people, so I guess they get a false idea of my interest or something, but i feel like ummm wait, you think you can have me? i feel personally offended...and i know how conceited that sounds, but surely other people have felt this way?
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    So you are offended that guys like you/find you attractive...why don't you want them too? I think it is more likely that you have low self confidence/have trust issues or don't want to be loved, are you scared of getting hurt if you let people like you? Or maybe i'm just reading too much into it and you're just stuck up?...
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    (Original post by batesie11)
    I didn't. Facebook messages. But this is not the first time I've felt this way. A couple other guys in the last few months. I'm generally nice to most people, so I guess they get a false idea of my interest or something, but i feel like ummm wait, you think you can have me? i feel personally offended...and i know how conceited that sounds, but surely other people have felt this way?
    Don't worry, I know exactly what you mean, its not unusual. In my case, I think its because I'm quite arrogant lol. A lot of my friends are the same.
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    (Original post by batesie11)
    I didn't. Facebook messages. But this is not the first time I've felt this way. A couple other guys in the last few months. I'm generally nice to most people, so I guess they get a false idea of my interest or something, but i feel like ummm wait, you think you can have me? i feel personally offended...and i know how conceited that sounds, but surely other people have felt this way?
    Yes. And I chide myself for it.

    It manifests as a sort of contempt for some putative arrogance or delusion or, I suppose, simple presumptuousness on their part: because I never conveyed the relevant signals; because your attentions offend my self-worth, or are so effusive and disproportionate as to demean us both. Though it's more akin to a kind of instinctive revulsion: I can sense it in regard to people that are, by consensus, quite attractive; if I find them repellant, however, and irrespective of the reason, I'll feel aversion to them nevertheless.

    The only essential difference between audacious confidence and arrogant presumptuousness, it seems, is credibility and, I suppose (by extension), egotism; case-in-point: I was pursued by someone a couple of years ago; she was effusive, granted, but so earnest, so charming and, to be honest, so far out of my league furthermore that I found myself too flattered to care. (Not to mention the fact that I had never been 'chatted-up' before.)
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    So you are offended that guys like you/find you attractive...why don't you want them too? I think it is more likely that you have low self confidence/have trust issues or don't want to be loved, are you scared of getting hurt if you let people like you? Or maybe i'm just reading too much into it and you're just stuck up?...
    Not "guys" in general, only certain ones (if someone I am attracted to asks me out, i feel elated, obviously!). I do not have low confidence and I definitely do not resist love. Definitely reading too much into it. You could call it stuck up, but i think everyone has standards...
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    (Original post by Profesh)
    Yes. And I chide myself for it.

    It manifests as a sort of contempt for some putative arrogance or delusion or, I suppose, simple presumptuousness on their part: because I never conveyed the relevant signals; because your attentions offend my self-worth, or are so effusive and disproportionate as to demean us both. Though it's more akin to a kind of instinctive revulsion: I can sense it in regard to people that are, by consensus, quite attractive; if I find them repellant, however, and irrespective of the reason, I'll feel aversion to them nevertheless.

    The only essential difference between audacious confidence and arrogant presumptuousness, it seems, is credibility and, I suppose (by extension), egotism: I was pursued by someone a couple of years ago; she was effusive, granted, but also so earnest, so charming and, to be honest, so far out of my league that I found myself too flattered to care.
    Thtat's it exactly! And very nicely worded. I don't chide myself for my feelings though. I would never so avidly pursue someone unless I thought they interested in me or could be interested in me...maybe he does, and I guess that's what is so unnerving to me.
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    (Original post by batesie11)
    Thtat's it exactly! And very nicely worded. I don't chide myself for my feelings though. I would never so avidly pursue someone unless I thought they interested in me or could be interested in me...maybe he does, and I guess that's what is so unnerving to me.
    Likewise. I chide myself because (illogical though this may seem), despite my empathy for such people, I very seldom sympathise: in fact, I'm more apt to react in a way that is hostile and, by all accounts, unremittingly callous; almost as though they are tantamount to an aggressor, and should be dealt-with accordingly. I'm not unsympathetic by default, mind: any sympathy (as I would accord the victim of infatuation unrequited toward another) is simply superseded by my vested interest in pushing such individuals away.

    It's a sort of cognitive dissonance, and quite unsettling to one as principled as I (decidedly, otherwise) am.
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    I think some people need to get over themselves.
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    Weirdly enough, I am in the exact same situation at the moment. Guy from school who I barely know has started working where I work and keeps asking me out for drinks or to lunch. He even sent me a message the other night saying he'd meet me at a bar at such and such a time, with the implication being that it would be just the two of us. He's very persistent, even though he knows I'm attached so I'm obviously not interested in that way. His behaviour just seems very inappropriate. If he was an old close friend then it would be okay, but I really don't know the guy.

    I don't feel dirty as such, but it doesn't make me feel comfortable.
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    (Original post by becca2389)
    Weirdly enough, I am in the exact same situation at the moment. Guy from school who I barely know has started working where I work and keeps asking me out for drinks or to lunch. He even sent me a message the other night saying he'd meet me at a bar at such and such a time, with the implication being that it would be just the two of us. He's very persistent, even though he knows I'm attached so I'm obviously not interested in that way. His behaviour just seems very inappropriate. If he was an old close friend then it would be okay, but I really don't know the guy.

    I don't feel dirty as such, but it doesn't make me feel comfortable.
    I'd say that's perfectly rational; after all, your prior 'attachment' lends his imposition a rather malicious, even predatory, hue. My reaction would probably approximate disgust.
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    Can't you just block him?
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    I know what you mean! It sounds horrible but it's the truth, you feel grossed out and rather sick, if they're a really icky person (both looks and personality) it's like, eww! You're freaked out that someone you really don't like likes you, because in general people don't want to be liked in that way by people they don't have reciprocal feelings for. It's also a bit of a knock to your self-esteem in a way, I think - you're like, I know I'm no oil painting, but am I really that bad that someone like that thinks they've got a chance with me?!

    If he's harassing you on Facebook with requests to meet up, don't reply to his messages. Harsh, but he should get it.
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    Now you know why guys think twice before asking a girl out.
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    I don't feel gross really, I always feel really guilty for turning them down
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    Wow some people can be really arrogant.

    This is why I like to be realistic and not try it on with anyone.
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    I should characterise it more as 'conceit' than arrogance, seeing as it doesn't imply anything concrete or refutable so much as a form of speculative snobbery. Then again, all self-esteem is conceit in essence; so I suppose you're right: it's conceit taken to an arrogant/belligerent extreme.

    (Original post by The_Adarshster)
    Now you know why guys think twice before asking a girl out.
    Mm. Hence this feeling of hypocrisy which I can't quite shake.
 
 
 
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