feeling "dirty" when people you don't like ask you out Watch

*Katie*
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#21
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#21
Feeling "dirty"? No way. But I think I might see what you mean. I'd say that there are two types of people that you don't like who ask you out:

Type 1: No oil painting. Arrogant enough to think that when you're being mean to them because you genuinely find them annoying, that you're playing hard to get. Probably thinks he's God's gift to women, and that he's a really impressive individual - actually he's of middle to low intelligence and about as unfunny as they come.

Type 2: Not your type, but not necessarily hideous. Really sweet, and a little shy, and you're probably quite surprised when you find out that they like you /they ask you out.

The first type offends me slightly, because I get worried about how much I'm told I flirt ("Men, women, inanimate objects - nothing and no one is safe" ), and I'd hate to think that I could appear so desperate as be giving positive signals to someone I loathe. And it sort of irritates me that someone I can barely stand thinks I'm their type. It reflects poorly on me, as opposed to them.

The second type is quite flattering.

(Original post by Profesh)
Mm. Hence this feeling of hypocrisy which I can't quite shake.
Hahaha. This forum would be nothing without you :p:.
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L i b
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#22
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#22
I've had a fair deal of unreciprocated affection directed at me in my time. It never drove me to be unpleasant to anyone. So yes, OP, I do think you're being rather horrible.
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shaneo632
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#23
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#23
It does seem rather arrogant. If they're pestering you, fair enough, but to feel that way about guys not necessarily bothering you does, as others have said, reason why guys think twice about asking girls out. Being "offended that someone can think they can have me" is probably one of the most arrogant comments I've ever read on the Internet. Good day.
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Kate.
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#24
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#24
I kinda get what you mean. I don't feel dirty, precisely, but I feel very uncomfortable about one guy who has liked me for about 6 or 7 months. I told him straight away I wasn't interested, but he continued to try and it just made me feel so horrible. I just really didn't like him, or the way he tried to get close to me. I told him straight out that it made me feel really uncomfortable and I didn't particularly appreciate the middle-of-the-night drunken texts telling me how jealous he is of my boyfriend and how much he likes me, or when he asks why I don't like him...that sparked a big argument and he decided he hated me for a while. Now he apparently still likes me. Ergh.

That was overly detailed, but he really does irritate me a lot. I have to see him every week too, he's part of one of my groups of friends and unfortunately they all like (or at least, don't mind) him. Pah.
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daggy
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#25
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#25
Do you find him repulsive because he is physically unattractive or because of his personality? I know you said he's weird, but can't remember if you mentioned why.

Either way, there needs to be physical attraction and an attraction to their personality if you wanna have a relationship with them. If their a **** buddy chances are physical attraction is the main thing.

In an ideal world you wouldn't feel sick at the thought of him and he would get the hint that you don't like him. People might say your arrogant or whatever, but to be fair you can't help how you feel. I've met girls hu'v liked me (surprising, I know), and I've felt grossed out at the thought of them - it's natural to have negative feelings towards someone you don't like - if they persist with pursuing you, then your gonna hate them more. So I don't think there is anything wrong with the way your feeling.

However, it really would be pertinent for you to stop it now: Send him a message saying your uncomfortable with his messages and if he doesn't stop you'll block him. Might be a bit blunt, but he'll get the point!! Plus it ain't like you've got out to lose.
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2nd2god
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#26
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#26
Maybe Im the only one who sees it like this but im gonna say my opinion anyways
i think its not normal and completley wrong for you to feel disgusted
in simple words get over yourself
are u trying to say your so worphy that only certain sorta people can ask you out otherwise you tell them they are making you feel sick
You should just nicely reject him put it this way how would you feel if you asked someone out and then went EWWW NO UR MAKING ME SICK

I think youve got to get a grip, and see yourself for what you really are.
Because to be honest looks arent everything anyways, if hes not your sort you can just reject him nicely but feeling sick that is far too extreme!
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Knotty
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#27
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#27
I can understand certain negative emotions manifesting themselves as disgust when such an event happens, such as pity, for example, but I think if you actually feel sickened that they would think themselves good enough for you (whether this is based on appearance or otherwise) it renders you somewhat shallow and incredibly stuck-up.

I've had to refuse people a few times, and regardless of how I do it I usually end up feeling firstly some form of regret that I didn't give them a chance (guilt?) and secondly a massive appreciation that someone respects me enough to ask. Before anybody implies it, I do not have low self-esteem; I would call myself no more and no less than grounded. I think if when an unwanted proposal comes you think yourself above it, there's something wrong in your make-up.
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batesie11
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#28
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#28
Alright, so most of you think it's arrogance. Maybe you have to have gone through it yourself to know what I mean, as some of you have. This person is not simply someone whose personality clashes with mine or who I am not attracted to. He is bizarre. He wrote me a message that said basically "i really, really want to see you. or anyone for that matter. everyone is avoiding me like the plague". that's just not something you say to someone who you want to like you.

Actually, I think it really comes down to respect. There have been people who I've felt very bad about turning down because, although I was not attracted to them or interested in a relationship, I respected them. This guy is different. We were never even friends.
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Dionysus
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#29
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#29
He doesn't actually necessarily feel he has a chance. He's probably just trying his luck. I mean, I've had a go with girls I would never actually be able to pull before, on the basis that the worst she can say is no. But once is enough... But I'd feel sorry for the guy, he obviously finds you extremely attractive, and that can really hurt if the girl in question is unattainable. That said, once you've said no, there is not much point bothering any more.
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Knotty
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#30
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#30
Firstly, you asked for opinion, and I gave you mine; if you already know the answer, why ask?

And secondly, you didn't mention that specific desperate message, and if he truly sent you that then you certainly have a right to be offended.
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mc_watson87
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#31
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#31
So you feel disgusted, sickened and offended when someone you're not attracted to attempts to get to know you as they find you attractive? Um, i hope most girls aren't like you. This seems ridiculously conceited, such an egotistical disregard for others. At least you don't portray your disgust to those you reject.
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Teao the Cat
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#32
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#32
In my opinion, you should stop and think of all the people who feel 'dirty' because no one is interested. Sure, to be repulsed is a normal action, and I'm not in any way suggesting that you should actually meet up or whatever if you're not interested, but there are lots of us, myself included, who have almost given up hope of anyone ever seeing anything worthwhile in them, or of ever haveing a relationship, meaningful or not.
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stoney
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#33
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#33
(Original post by Teao the Cat)
In my opinion, you should stop and think of all the people who feel 'dirty' because no one is interested. Sure, to be repulsed is a normal action, and I'm not in any way suggesting that you should actually meet up or whatever if you're not interested, but there are lots of us, myself included, who have almost given up hope of anyone ever seeing anything worthwhile in them, or of ever haveing a relationship, meaningful or not.
No way, you like cats. Cat people are always cute! *note: except the freaky ones* lol

anyway on topic OP, I kind of see what you mean. I agree with most people that if not so attractive people ask you out and you think you're more attractive than them then it is totally arrogant to say I'm offended by it (personally I'd be flattered that someone has shown an interest in me). But I can see how it could make you feel a bit like they're basically saying "C'mon lower your standards, I have" if they're desperate.
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ph9
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#34
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#34
op, i feel like you've read my mind and have consequently made a thread about this...

for so long i've been wanting to share this with somebody but i just don't know how to start talking about it :-/ wouldn't want my friends telling me i'm stupid and arrogant and don't realise how i take things for granted either, because i don't think it's 100% about arrogance

i feel the exact same way about this boy i know and *katie* your type one description up there is quite accurate to my situation... i don't know if he thinks he's god's gift to women but i'm so brief with him and downright RUDE and he just says 'ohh treat em mean keep em mean eh' which just pisses me off even more grrrrrrrgrrrrgr

i definitely feel dirty and disgusted every time we speak. the other day i told him it's impossible to get a six pack just by doing 50 situps a day and he said no it's not, that's what he does and he has a six pack. so i said, no i don't believe you and SOMEHOW he took that to mean i wanted to see his so-called six pack?? he called me a perv and said i'd have to wait a bit and WINKED

bleurgh

im sorry if this appears very arrogant of me to some but honestly you can't understand it until you've been in this position. i know i speak for myself when i say i can't help finding him so repulsive because he's actually an okay person really.

sorry... i went on a bit. needed to get it out :-/
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ph9
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#35
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#35
think maybe because they're so clingy and come on a bit strong
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geordie2006
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#36
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#36
OP you should take it as a compliment, like other people have said get over yourself
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thatwhichiam
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#37
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(Original post by ph9)
op, i feel like you've read my mind and have consequently made a thread about this...

for so long i've been wanting to share this with somebody but i just don't know how to start talking about it :-/ wouldn't want my friends telling me i'm stupid and arrogant and don't realise how i take things for granted either, because i don't think it's 100% about arrogance

i feel the exact same way about this boy i know and *katie* your type one description up there is quite accurate to my situation... i don't know if he thinks he's god's gift to women but i'm so brief with him and downright RUDE and he just says 'ohh treat em mean keep em mean eh' which just pisses me off even more grrrrrrrgrrrrgr

i definitely feel dirty and disgusted every time we speak. the other day i told him it's impossible to get a six pack just by doing 50 situps a day and he said no it's not, that's what he does and he has a six pack. so i said, no i don't believe you and SOMEHOW he took that to mean i wanted to see his so-called six pack?? he called me a perv and said i'd have to wait a bit and WINKED

bleurgh

im sorry if this appears very arrogant of me to some but honestly you can't understand it until you've been in this position. i know i speak for myself when i say i can't help finding him so repulsive because he's actually an okay person really.

sorry... i went on a bit. needed to get it out :-/
Yeah, I think (no offence OP :P) that you explained it better...
I get it a bit, but only with this one guy, who is bizarre. It's not conceited, it's just a bit beyond uncomfortable with the way they make you feel.
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prash_s90
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#38
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#38
(Original post by mc_watson87)
So you feel disgusted, sickened and offended when someone you're not attracted to attempts to get to know you as they find you attractive? Um, i hope most girls aren't like you. This seems ridiculously conceited, such an egotistical disregard for others. At least you don't portray your disgust to those you reject.
ditto !!
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8EnglishRoses
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#39
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#39
What I don't like is not the fact that they find me attractive; it's that, y'know when you really like a guy and you imagine being with him? Well, they have imagined being with you. And that makes me feel a bit violated!
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Psyk
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#40
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#40
(Original post by Princess_Kirstin)
What I don't like is not the fact that they find me attractive; it's that, y'know when you really like a guy and you imagine being with him? Well, they have imagined being with you. And that makes me feel a bit violated!
Get over yourself. It's none of your business what goes on in other people's heads. What if some of the guys you fantasise about feel that way about you?
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