My girlfriend has a stalker..!?

Hey guys,
just a quick question as im not really sure what options are available to her, but my girlfriends seems to have a stalker from her place of work. Not a stalker in the traditional sense that he follows her around (wel not obviously follows her anyway..) It is not like he has approached her out of work either, yet, yet seems to no everythin about her. He has it in his diary what days she is working and tries to work the same days, and he knew that we (my gf and i) were going away for a week, and he asked her at work if we stil went cos he knew my home town was flooded, and he knows she is going on holiday with her friend this week, he also seems to know what both her parents cars are, colours and everythin.
I no my gf has tried to talk to ppl at work, but the bosses approch is that she just goes home early, which doesnt seem right to me. Because he has not yet approached her or similar, i assume a restraining order is out of the question, and police involvement, it is just because no one else is doin anythin for her.
I no some of u may say just dont get involved in her life, but it seems to be affecting her quite a lot and just wondered if there is anythin that could be done...
Thanks

Reply 1

Music_Enthusiast

tomster_11

Hey guys,
just a quick question as im not really sure what options are available to her, but my girlfriends seems to have a stalker from her place of work. Not a stalker in the traditional sense that he follows her around (wel not obviously follows her anyway..) It is not like he has approached her out of work either, yet, yet seems to no everythin about her. He has it in his diary what days she is working and tries to work the same days, and he knew that we (my gf and i) were going away for a week, and he asked her at work if we stil went cos he knew my home town was flooded, and he knows she is going on holiday with her friend this week, he also seems to know what both her parents cars are, colours and everythin.
I no my gf has tried to talk to ppl at work, but the bosses approch is that she just goes home early, which doesnt seem right to me. Because he has not yet approached her or similar, i assume a restraining order is out of the question, and police involvement, it is just because no one else is doin anythin for her.
I no some of u may say just dont get involved in her life, but it seems to be affecting her quite a lot and just wondered if there is anythin that could be done...
Thanks

Well its early days for a restraining order and police involvement in my opinion. It sounds like the guy at work just fancies her and so like being around her, which is why he chooses to work the same shifts. This is really stalkers behaviour, more typical secondary school behaviour. Maybe she should have a chat with him?

Reply 2

--

3

Have a word? Assuming your girlfriend is as worried as you of course, otherwise she might see it as interfering.

Reply 3

username43584

8

I think she could possibly get the police to "chat" to him. He's not done anything so they couldn't take any action, but I have a feeling they can go round and warn him off so to speak.

Reply 4

Phantom Phoenix

13

becca2389

I think she could possibly get the police to "chat" to him. He's not done anything so they couldn't take any action, but I have a feeling they can go round and warn him off so to speak.

I don't know; doesn't sound like the poor bloke's done anything but get a crush on a girl who's already been taken. Police seems extreme. In my opinion, unless it's really upsetting your girlfriend, OP, just leave it alone. He's not doing any harm, and to be honest knowing she's going on holiday is hardly uncommon for a colleague - when you work shifts in particular, e.g. in retail, people notice when you're going away for a week when they check their own schedule. If this guy's got a crush on your girlfriend, he may even have been glad to have a talking point with her about why she's off for a week...my point is, he's only admiring her from afar. Far from intending to warn him off, I think you should just feel a bit sorry for him - he wants what you have, after all.

If it comes to him making a move on her, then of course it's a different ballpark. Find out how much it's bothering your girlfriend, anyway. If it's really upsetting her then a quiet word from her to him may be in order. If I was you, I wouldn't get directly involved.

Reply 5

*Katie*

1

I don't think he sounds like a stalker. People use that word far too much these days. Maybe he just looked at her Facebook and found out this stuff, or happened to see her in a car with her parents? It's not like he knows what colour knickers she's wearing. It's a little unusual, but he sounds like he just has a bit of a crush on her.

Either talk to him and explain that he's making your gf uncomfortable at work (is he??), or get her to let him down gently. Do NOT get the police involved! How old is the man, OP?

Reply 6

ForeverIsMyName

15

He likes like one of those archetypal gay friends who has to know what they're doing.

If not... just chill out. So he's a bit intense and informed... who cares?

Reply 7

yellow96

15

I guess every time he presents her with a fact he knows about her, she could ask him how he found it out. If he's honest about it, say, by telling her he found her Facebook/MySpace, then she can make it private and so problem solved. If he's found out some other unsavoury way, it'll make him feel uncomfortable and he may well back off.

Reply 8

tomster_11

OP

The guy in question is 9 years older than my gf (he is 26 or a bit older, she is 17) and i no that is affecting her and making her feel uncomfortable at work.. i got a few texts yesterday sayin "why me??", hwy is it happening to me, i h8 it!?" and she says she has spoken to him about how uncomfortable she feels but he doesnt listen and carries on..
i just worry about my gf mainly cos i dont want her to feel uncomfotable or anythin - am i lookin into it too much..?

Reply 9

Phantom Phoenix

13

tomster_11

The guy in question is 9 years older than my gf (he is 26 or a bit older, she is 17) and i no that is affecting her and making her feel uncomfortable at work.. i got a few texts yesterday sayin "why me??", hwy is it happening to me, i h8 it!?" and she says she has spoken to him about how uncomfortable she feels but he doesnt listen and carries on..
i just worry about my gf mainly cos i dont want her to feel uncomfotable or anythin - am i lookin into it too much..?

Well, I'd say that was different to my original interpretation. :smile:

I do think she's overreacting, as I've been in a similar situation myself with a guy I worked with and I regarded it as a minor annoyance. If it's bothering her that much, could she maybe change jobs? Or, since she's spoken to the guy and he's ignored her, how about speaking to Personnel about it?

There is also the possibility that she could be telling you she hates the attention, but actually doesn't mind it - this was the situation with a girl I worked with somewhere else. An older guy (similar age gap) kept bothering her this way and she was constantly complaining about it to her friends, but was always very nice and chatty with him. I really don't understand what she was up to there so I can't offer a motive...although she did end up sleeping with him! (Not that I'm suggesting anything like that, just explaining that girls sometimes do weird things :p:

). Perhaps she's flattered that the older guy is interested in her?

Reply 10

tomster_11

OP

fair enough, wel i hope whta happened with your friend doesnt apply in this case but we will have to see.. she doesnt seem tolike him ans always moans that he does wierd dances behind her, and when she asks him how he knows so much bout her an how he found out he just laughs..
she has tried talkin to personnel about it but they decide its best to send her home early.. i dunno, just wanna help...
thanks guys

Reply 11

triplej89

Beat the crap out of him, that'd probably do the trick

Reply 12

ukmanwrighty

1

You just can't win can you

Stalking is not even that bad and when a man stalks a women its dead right because men have more power. I am only 17 and have be warned off the police for stalking and I was like yeh mate like I will listen to you in the future!

and anyone who ever contacts the police in anyway shape or form for help are basically scum. The police are the biggest bunch of scum around

My girlfriend has a stalker..!?

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