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    Sorry if this post is muddled.

    Today will mark exactly a week since I've been living at uni, 5 hours away from home. It's completely not what I expected and I'm not happy at all.

    I feel like I've wasted my freshers week, I've been out once (the first night) and Thursday was the first day in which I didn't end up crying.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm more than ready academically. I'm studying Psychology and I was very happy in terms of the induction and whatnot; I want to get my degree in Psychology from this university one day.

    However, I'm nowhere near ready at the living independently stuff; it's not just homesickness. I've not eaten proper food in a week (yesterday all I ate was some toast). For 18 years I took my home life for granted and was basically spoon fed everything. And now I don't know what to do. I don't have the confidence to go into the kitchen and attempt to make some proper food, or to do my washing, and it takes me about 20 minutes to iron one piece of clothing.

    My flatmates are amicable but we don't click and every one of them already has their own group of friends and does their own things.

    I thought I was stuck here but I'm not. To my surprise, a support person told me that I have the option (until September 30th) of deferring my university place until next year. And when he told me that, I felt the biggest relief I'd ever felt in my life. I could go home, live independently but knowing my family is there to help, get a job for the first time in my life, rejuvenate myself. And I'd get bored, but that would only make me more excited to come back next year and make the most of my time here rather than crying my eyes out for days on end.

    Also I am very lonely. I've mentioned my flatmates, and in terms of my course mates, I don't know if I missed a meet up or something, but at the induction BBQ that was held, I was the only person on my own whilst everybody already had their own little groups of friends.

    I want to swap my accommodation, the swap list opens on Monday, however it's extremely unlikely that I'll get what I want due to demand (and I'm in a lecture when the list opens). Therefore the only way I'd get my preferred accommodation is if I deferred.

    So to me, deferring sounds like the best option and I'm lucky I have the opportunity considering I'm already registered and about to start my course. But when I think of actually doing it, I almost feel ashamed. I think of all the fuss that was made in my family, to my friends, the party I was given, all the gifts and photographs I was given to take with me. And I'd feel like an embarrassment if I turned up back home, in front of all those people, a few weeks after leaving.

    I do want to give myself at least another week, to actually start my course, however as I said, it's nothing to do with the academics but it's everything to do with living on my own.

    I really don't know what to do right now.
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    Give it more time. University can be a bit overwhelming and from the things you're describing I don't think deferring will fix them .
    Many people go to uni not being able to cook, you wont know until you get stuck in and try something. As for ironing, if you have a tumble dryer if you try and put clothes into dry sensibly you can avoid it, or put them up on the bathroom door when you are having a shower, the heat will help get creases out. It's only been a few days, its not too late to get along better with flatmates either. Maybe it would, but if you move back home what's to say you'll definitely become fully independent if 18 years at home hasn't helped you get any of it?

    (Original post by Samiz)
    Sorry if this post is muddled.

    Today will mark exactly a week since I've been living at uni, 5 hours away from home. It's completely not what I expected and I'm not happy at all.

    I feel like I've wasted my freshers week, I've been out once (the first night) and Thursday was the first day in which I didn't end up crying.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm more than ready academically. I'm studying Psychology and I was very happy in terms of the induction and whatnot; I want to get my degree in Psychology from this university one day.

    However, I'm nowhere near ready at the living independently stuff; it's not just homesickness. I've not eaten proper food in a week (yesterday all I ate was some toast). For 18 years I took my home life for granted and was basically spoon fed everything. And now I don't know what to do. I don't have the confidence to go into the kitchen and attempt to make some proper food, or to do my washing, and it takes me about 20 minutes to iron one piece of clothing.

    My flatmates are amicable but we don't click and every one of them already has their own group of friends and does their own things.

    I thought I was stuck here but I'm not. To my surprise, a support person told me that I have the option (until September 30th) of deferring my university place until next year. And when he told me that, I felt the biggest relief I'd ever felt in my life. I could go home, live independently but knowing my family is there to help, get a job for the first time in my life, rejuvenate myself. And I'd get bored, but that would only make me more excited to come back next year and make the most of my time here rather than crying my eyes out for days on end.

    Also I am very lonely. I've mentioned my flatmates, and in terms of my course mates, I don't know if I missed a meet up or something, but at the induction BBQ that was held, I was the only person on my own whilst everybody already had their own little groups of friends.

    I want to swap my accommodation, the swap list opens on Monday, however it's extremely unlikely that I'll get what I want due to demand (and I'm in a lecture when the list opens). Therefore the only way I'd get my preferred accommodation is if I deferred.

    So to me, deferring sounds like the best option and I'm lucky I have the opportunity considering I'm already registered and about to start my course. But when I think of actually doing it, I almost feel ashamed. I think of all the fuss that was made in my family, to my friends, the party I was given, all the gifts and photographs I was given to take with me. And I'd feel like an embarrassment if I turned up back home, in front of all those people, a few weeks after leaving.

    I do want to give myself at least another week, to actually start my course, however as I said, it's nothing to do with the academics but it's everything to do with living on my own.

    I really don't know what to do right now.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Give it more time. University can be a bit overwhelming and from the things you're describing I don't think deferring will fix them .
    Many people go to uni not being able to cook, you wont know until you get stuck in and try something. As for ironing, if you have a tumble dryer if you try and put clothes into dry sensibly you can avoid it, or put them up on the bathroom door when you are having a shower, the heat will help get creases out. It's only been a few days, its not too late to get along better with flatmates either. Maybe it would, but if you move back home what's to say you'll definitely become fully independent if 18 years at home hasn't helped you get any of it?
    Thanks for replying. And well because in terms of my home life I've essentially been spoon-fed, if I deferred then I'd be able to focus on developing my independence knowing I had people around me if I struggled with something initially.

    In terms of my flatmates I basically never see them, I'm sure they're all really nice people but they all have their own friends.

    Just the thought of being able to take a break from this education bubble I've been in, no exams or anything for a year, being able to come back a much more confident person is just tempting. I wish I could 'get stuck in' but I don't even have the confidence to do that at home yet, never mind here.

    If I didn't feel like a let down or ashamed then I think my mind would be made up by now. I'm ready academically for sure but if I carry on the year like this I'm going to have an unhappy first year.
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    (Original post by Samiz)
    Thanks for replying. And well because in terms of my home life I've essentially been spoon-fed, if I deferred then I'd be able to focus on developing my independence knowing I had people around me if I struggled with something initially.

    In terms of my flatmates I basically never see them, I'm sure they're all really nice people but they all have their own friends.

    Just the thought of being able to take a break from this education bubble I've been in, no exams or anything for a year, being able to come back a much more confident person is just tempting. I wish I could 'get stuck in' but I don't even have the confidence to do that at home yet, never mind here.

    If I didn't feel like a let down or ashamed then I think my mind would be made up by now. I'm ready academically for sure but if I carry on the year like this I'm going to have an unhappy first year.
    I guess I d say only to consider it, if you make a real commitment not to go back to being spoonfed and feel you can make a solid change in the next year.
    Have you had many lectures yet? Have you joined any societies? There are many places to make friends not just your flat mates.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    I guess I d say only to consider it, if you make a real commitment not to go back to being spoonfed and feel you can make a solid change in the next year.
    Have you had many lectures yet? Have you joined any societies? There are many places to make friends not just your flat mates.
    I started today, I've had 3 lectures and enjoyed them but as I've said unfortunately that's never been the problem. Sure I can go to all my lectures but is it really worth it if I'm unhappy all year, as opposed to taking a break and starting over. I was the only person sat on my own in the lectures, nobody came to sit by me, I'm sure I haven't missed an event or anything but everybody else seems to have already got their little friend groups
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    (Original post by Samiz)
    I started today, I've had 3 lectures and enjoyed them but as I've said unfortunately that's never been the problem. Sure I can go to all my lectures but is it really worth it if I'm unhappy all year, as opposed to taking a break and starting over. I was the only person sat on my own in the lectures, nobody came to sit by me, I'm sure I haven't missed an event or anything but everybody else seems to have already got their little friend groups
    Tomorrow you could get there early and speak to people while queuing or just approach someone with an empty seat next to them and ask if you can sit there. Take that first step and it ll get easier.
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    You know after seeing all these posts the person who sits by themselves looks like to me the most interesting person probably on my course from what ive read about you, next year when i go to uni im gonna make sure that i go upto people who are sitting by themselves because it would mean a hella lot right? Anyways join some societies and go upto people even if theyre in their group probably only known each other for a couple of days, what harm is one more person
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    1. you have no guarantee you'll get different accommodation next year (and tbh I doubt it would make you any happier)

    2. learning to live independently is not hard in the slightest you just need to take the plunge and get started... buy yourself a student cooking book, it'll have simple things like cheese on toast, bolognese, eggs, lasagna, stir fry, curry which you can make using jars of sauce really easily- just follow the instructions, cooking sounds intimidating but all you have to do is read the instructions and it won't go too wrong... if you're really stuck approach a flatmate who's doing well with cooking and say you've never cooked before and could they give you a hand at some point

    3. making friends won't happen overnight, I doubt anyone is walking away from you or genuinely has fully fledged friendship groups, probably just a few people chatted on FB before coming so they're sticking with who they know cos they're nervous too - just go up to someone and stand there and try and join in, or sit next to someone in a lecture and ask a few basics like name/where from/which halls, you can even say 'mind if I join you, I haven't met anyone properly yet' - no one is going to say no... once you've started talking to epople things will progress more naturally, you can ask if people wanna get coffee/lunch/study togetehr etc

    I would really give things a chance, uni is hard at first and I honestly don't think things will change enough in a year that you will feel different
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    Learning to cope with challenges, of all sorts, is part of functioning as an adult.

    From what you've said, (and if I'm really blunt), I think that if you choose to defer, you won't come back next year, and that this becomes a binary choice about whether or not you want to go to university and have a graduate career. And only you can answer that.

    Arriving on time, rather than early, and asking if you can sit next to someone, is an easy first step.
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    (Original post by Uniguyhopefully)
    You know after seeing all these posts the person who sits by themselves looks like to me the most interesting person probably on my course from what ive read about you, next year when i go to uni im gonna make sure that i go upto people who are sitting by themselves because it would mean a hella lot right? Anyways join some societies and go upto people even if theyre in their group probably only known each other for a couple of days, what harm is one more person
    I think a lot of people would appreciate that. From my point of view I don't understand, I must have missed an event or something like that, because literally everybody on my course has already made their friends.
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    And thanks for all the replies but is it really that bad if I took a gap year? Somebody said I may not come back but I definitely will. It's nothing to do with the course, I started on Monday and I've enjoyed all the lectures and seminars. But I'm just not ready on the living side. I still literally cannot eat properly, if I took a gap year I'd be able to comfortably develop more and come back next year; I'd only be a year older than most freshers, would that be so bad?

    I've been reading some articles and one point I found was "
    Others may see a gap year as a good opportunity to adjust more gradually to living away from home and to take a well-earned break from studying before starting their degree course. " and I think that describes my feeling perfectly.

    I'd also get work experience and I'm going to beg my old place to let me do some experience volunteering there so I'd still be refreshed on psychology.
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    (Original post by Samiz)
    Sorry if this post is muddled.

    Today will mark exactly a week since I've been living at uni, 5 hours away from home. It's completely not what I expected and I'm not happy at all.

    I feel like I've wasted my freshers week, I've been out once (the first night) and Thursday was the first day in which I didn't end up crying.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm more than ready academically. I'm studying Psychology and I was very happy in terms of the induction and whatnot; I want to get my degree in Psychology from this university one day.

    However, I'm nowhere near ready at the living independently stuff; it's not just homesickness. I've not eaten proper food in a week (yesterday all I ate was some toast). For 18 years I took my home life for granted and was basically spoon fed everything. And now I don't know what to do. I don't have the confidence to go into the kitchen and attempt to make some proper food, or to do my washing, and it takes me about 20 minutes to iron one piece of clothing.

    My flatmates are amicable but we don't click and every one of them already has their own group of friends and does their own things.

    I thought I was stuck here but I'm not. To my surprise, a support person told me that I have the option (until September 30th) of deferring my university place until next year. And when he told me that, I felt the biggest relief I'd ever felt in my life. I could go home, live independently but knowing my family is there to help, get a job for the first time in my life, rejuvenate myself. And I'd get bored, but that would only make me more excited to come back next year and make the most of my time here rather than crying my eyes out for days on end.

    Also I am very lonely. I've mentioned my flatmates, and in terms of my course mates, I don't know if I missed a meet up or something, but at the induction BBQ that was held, I was the only person on my own whilst everybody already had their own little groups of friends.

    I want to swap my accommodation, the swap list opens on Monday, however it's extremely unlikely that I'll get what I want due to demand (and I'm in a lecture when the list opens). Therefore the only way I'd get my preferred accommodation is if I deferred.

    So to me, deferring sounds like the best option and I'm lucky I have the opportunity considering I'm already registered and about to start my course. But when I think of actually doing it, I almost feel ashamed. I think of all the fuss that was made in my family, to my friends, the party I was given, all the gifts and photographs I was given to take with me. And I'd feel like an embarrassment if I turned up back home, in front of all those people, a few weeks after leaving.

    I do want to give myself at least another week, to actually start my course, however as I said, it's nothing to do with the academics but it's everything to do with living on my own.

    I really don't know what to do right now.
    I was like this when I first started but give it time it's only been a week, you need to settle in and meet people on your course. Don't take notice of the groups now that are being made some are only temporary.

    I wouldn't defer just yet as it may make it harder next year with the government policies.

    For the home sickness do something that helps you think of home. Like a football scarf of your local city that helped me. Or just something that will make you think of home.

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