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how to get over your first love?

hi everyone.

my bf broke up with me thursday night and im devastated completely. i keep telling him i love him but he said his feelings for me have changed but he will always care for me. i don't know how im gonna cope with this. no one can make me happy like he did for me. i have so many memories. everything reminds me of him and it kills.

i will do anything to get him back even though both our feelings changed for each other. i was just too scared to end it. we were meant to be going on holiday in october for our 2 year anniversary but thats now been cancelled. i wanted to wait till then then see after the holiday how things were.

im so angry with him for doing this. he's hurting me so much. i dont know how im going to go back to work. ive already taken the weekend off but i think im gonna have to get the doctor to sign me off for a bit. my place of work is literally round the corner from where he works and if i see him drive past or anything im gonna break down. i have to drive past his house to get to work as well. i just dont know what to do. im a mess and i want him back so much.

im going over to his tonight to get my stuff back and try to understand why this has happened. its all happened so suddenly you see. he never spoke to me about how he was feeling and cos i couldnt trust him cos of my own insecurities, he said everything changed since then.

please help.

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I feel so sorry for you!
Unfortunately people and feelings do change and we have to accept that
Try talking through everyone to someone close to you that you trust, let out the anger you feel towards him
I know it's hard but try to be positive about a change, get some girl friends round and have fun, only time can really help you get over it but in the mean time try and look forward rather than back and build up a decent support group
Make sure you don't wallow for too long as once you start it's difficult to stop
sparkle86
i have so many memories. everything reminds me of him and it kills.

:frown: That's the worst part.
Time is the only cure, and don't keep going on about your feelings for him.
Sorry to be harsh but this was always going to end in tears if you didn't trust him. I would not attempt to try and get back with him, least in the short term. It's an old saying but time is the only healer, keep yourself busy.
Reply 4
i know. im so devastated. i cant see any light at the end of this tunnel.
Honestly its the most cliched answer but time will heal. It feels unbearable now but eventually you will look back on the good times and smile, not cry. I wouldn't recommend staying away from work; keeping busy always helps as it stops you from sitting around with nothing better to do than get upset. Also you should try not to define your life in terms of before the break up and after the break up, so it helps to keep things going as usual. Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fine soon enough.
Reply 6
:frown: ;console;
Reply 7
Firstly, i would ask someone to give you a good hard slap round the face or possibly throw a bucket of cold water at you, you seem a tad hysterical. The relationship is over and your life will go on., you're only 20/21 so there's the rest of your life ahead.
I can sympathise with you on this one, my fiance ended things on wednesday night because hes decided he's gay. Within 24 hours he'd jumped into bed with a bloke. He was my first love and to say it hurts is an understatement. I'm trying to spend as much time as i can with friends and family so that i'm constantly busy. Things seem to be going well, i've only really gotten upset twice and now i'm feeling a lot more positive about everything. If i was you i'd get all your girl mates together and either have a girlie night in with ice cream and dvds and just chat about things you hate about men :P or plan a night out to town. I've been with my mates pretty much all this week and they've been great as has my sister. Instead of thinking of the past (I know its easier said than done) think to the future. Think of all the new feelings you'll experience when you meet someone new, think of the butterflies in your tummy when someone says they like you. That kinda stuff. I know it's easier said than done but just hold in there, it seems like the worst thing in the world but things will get better *hugs* If you need to talk then feel free to pm me xx<3
Reply 9
time will solve the problem, hopefuly
I completely understand what you are going through. Last November my ex ended our 2 and a half year relationship, with no warning what so ever. Just said he'd been thinking about for a long time and knew he was making the right decision. Didn't even bother to talk to me about how he was feeling. I felt completely lost, and like you said, everything reminded me of him. I thought nothing would get me through and there would never be a light at the end of the tunnel, and although its a big cliche and that, time is a healer, and I learnt that. There is nothing you can do that will competely 100% take your mind off it, but I found it definitely helped to go out with all my friends and try my best to enjoy myself. Also I had a friend going through the same thing at the same time, and I felt it helped so so much talking to her because she knew exactly how I felt. It took me a long time to get over it, but now I am completely fine and moving on with my life. I really do feel for you and hope things start to look up soon, its a horrible and long process, but you will get there in the end :smile:
xx
sparkle86
hi everyone.

my bf broke up with me thursday night and im devastated completely. i keep telling him i love him but he said his feelings for me have changed but he will always care for me. i don't know how im gonna cope with this. no one can make me happy like he did for me. i have so many memories. everything reminds me of him and it kills.

i will do anything to get him back even though both our feelings changed for each other. i was just too scared to end it. we were meant to be going on holiday in october for our 2 year anniversary but thats now been cancelled. i wanted to wait till then then see after the holiday how things were.

im so angry with him for doing this. he's hurting me so much. i dont know how im going to go back to work. ive already taken the weekend off but i think im gonna have to get the doctor to sign me off for a bit. my place of work is literally round the corner from where he works and if i see him drive past or anything im gonna break down. i have to drive past his house to get to work as well. i just dont know what to do. im a mess and i want him back so much.

im going over to his tonight to get my stuff back and try to understand why this has happened. its all happened so suddenly you see. he never spoke to me about how he was feeling and cos i couldnt trust him cos of my own insecurities, he said everything changed since then.

please help.


time heals.

It took me 12 full sodding months to get over my ex, but I did get over her, eventually.
I was with a bloke for a little over 2 and a half years i was still speaking to him after we split and we were trying to work stuff out then i accidentally washed my mobile phone and i heard that he had been posted out in the middle east somewhere and it breaks my heart that im never ever gonna see him again - but i always think of the great times not the bad ones. If he was your first love then u'll always remember him everything about him - but try not to be too sad i think things happen for a reason and even though ur feeling crap at the minute time really is a healer!!
You will have so many people saying it but really, you WILL get over it/ At the time i know it doesn't feel like it but you will. Have your crying upset time and then just put it behind you, thats what i had to do. With mine i worked with him so i had to see him every day, for the first few i felt like i was going to breakdown every two seconds, and did lol. But after a while i did a kind of reality check and realised it was over and i had to get on with my life, or its me who will be screwed up by it. So i got rid of any texts from him, any cards from birthdays or anything met up with some friends and from that moved on. I think it was easier for me than it is for most but sometimes you have to realise you're better off without them and get on with your life.
Reply 14
Thanks for all the replies. I'm not crying as much but I still feel very very sad to lose him. I went over to this last night to talk and collect my things and it was so hard. However I was alot calmer than what I thought i'd be. I didn't scream or shout or say horrible things to him. We just sat there and both cryed and he kept saying sorry and I said sorry as well. And he kept hugging me. I knew he found it really hard to see me so upset and I did ask a couple of times if there really was any chance of getting back together but he just said i'm sorry. I can't tell you how difficult it was to leave his room never to see it again and to leave him and his family. We had 1 last kiss which was nice. I was crying my eyes out though when I said goodbye to his mum and sister.

My mum was chatting to his while I was with him and his mum said that he makes rash decisions on how he's feeling at the time and doesn't think about the future. So he might feel differently in a weeks time or something. But I know I can't count on it too much.

I feel so sick though that i'm never gonna see him again or ever gonna have that connection like we used to have. I still don't see myself getting over him one little bit. And I really don't want to. I love him so much and will continue to tell him so until I feel like I don't anymore. However I really don't want that to happen.

How will I ever get through this pain in my heart. :frown:
One of many mate.
I hope I never have to get over my first love.

For years I was so scared of letting myself feel so strongly for a guy and be hurt but then I met a guy who I couldn't help falling for. We were 18 when we met and we're 20 now and I really do hope that I never lose him. It's a lot for me to admit this because I was always the girl who said I wouldn't the type of girl I am now. I really hope that neither of our feelings change because I can honestly say I don't ever want to be with anyone else.

I feel for you OP because I know I would be the same if it were me.
Reply 17
I never got together with mine xD
Reply 18
Continuing to tell him you love him will only make things worse. He knows you're not gonna get over him overnight, so don't get clingy - it's a really unattractive trait, particularly when a relationship is in trouble/has ended. I'm not wanting to sound harsh at all btw.

It will take a while, but it will get better - "time is the best healer" is a cliche for a very good reason. You sound as though you won't have a huge amount of contact now, which will inevitably make it easier. You'll get to the point where it's bearable much quicker than you think.
My advice - break off ALL contact. Find a new rout to work, send a mate to get your stuff, phone a family member who you haven't spoken to in years when you feel the need to phone him or better yet delete his number completely.

Do NOT tell him you love him or make any attempt to get back with him. Maybe if you give him space he'll come to you but, to be honest if he cared so much about you that he ripped your heart out and left you to bleed then I don't see why you'd want to go near him.

Cold turkey can hurt like hell but it's the fastest, cleanest way to get him out of your system and keep your dignity. You'll never stop thinking about him completely but you can lose the pain.