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    Long story short, I have just started my second year and I already hate it. First year was pretty good, I lived in a flat that was really boring but I found friends from other flats. So I have decided to live with some of the guys from other flats and it was the worst decision ever. All of the others guys are much closer and leave me out of a lot of things, they invite me out but just more of the little things such as on nights outs they don't wait for me and just walk off, they leave me out of conversations, they never tell me when they are leaving the club, they are filming on snapchat and don't involve me in it but they get everyone else in it. I also feel like I really have to try to be involved in the conversations and they always talk over me. It is really starting to get me down and is already badly affecting my confidence.

    I don't want to tell the guys that I want to be involved more because they probably will just laugh it off no matter how serious it is.

    I really don't know what to do, any advice?

    Thanks
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    Bluntly, it sounds as though they've used you to contribute to the overall cost of the flat, without including you as a flatmate. Your options: You could try to make it work, you could accept the status quo, or you could try to rearrange your accommodation, subject to all the usual contracts.

    If you want to make it work, why not initiate an activity that all of you do, rather than you tagging onto theirs?
    Accepting the status quo will make you feel less needy.
    Moving on is tricky, but still possible.

    Good luck.
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    Yeah I understand, but they asked me when they had so many others to choose from, its really getting me down just following them round the whole time
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    (Original post by TheGuy1)
    Yeah I understand, but they asked me when they had so many others to choose from, its really getting me down just following them round the whole time
    I wouldn't get too downhearted about it, it's more a reflection on them than you. If I was with a bunch of mates and somebody felt a bit left out I would make more effort to engage with the person that felt left behind, I reckon most decent lads would.

    If I were you I would try to not feel dependent on them or as if you have to do activities with them to have fun. You could try joining a sports club or society so that you're not reliant on the people you're living with to enjoy yourself.

    I think the best bet is to accept the situation you're in and go from there, which you seem to have done so props for that. The less your happiness is dictated by others the better, in my experience.

    It might be a bit awkward at times but I would think 'if they're not willing to make the effort with me, then why should I do the same with them?'. I wouldn't be an arse about it or anything, I'd still be polite and sh1t but I would make sure it wasn't getting me down.

    Also you don't even have to be in the flat a lot. In my second year I was probably on campus until 6-7pm a lot of days as I liked to chill in the library listening to music or on youtube. Then I'd go to the gym, so often I wasn't even back to 9pm anyways, which is just long enough for dinner and a few hours on netflix before kip.


    Good luck breh
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    You've just got to try and accept your status within the group, that'd be the easiest option. If they're decent people they will attempt to engage with you more.

    Try to lead whilst showing interest. Don't just tag along, join in. Showing interest is much better than being interesting for making friends and getting people to like you. Don't be afraid to ask them questions about what they're doing.

    Best of luck, I'm sure you'll be fine!
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    (Original post by TheGuy1)
    Long story short, I have just started my second year and I already hate it. First year was pretty good, I lived in a flat that was really boring but I found friends from other flats. So I have decided to live with some of the guys from other flats and it was the worst decision ever. All of the others guys are much closer and leave me out of a lot of things, they invite me out but just more of the little things such as on nights outs they don't wait for me and just walk off, they leave me out of conversations, they never tell me when they are leaving the club, they are filming on snapchat and don't involve me in it but they get everyone else in it. I also feel like I really have to try to be involved in the conversations and they always talk over me. It is really starting to get me down and is already badly affecting my confidence.

    I don't want to tell the guys that I want to be involved more because they probably will just laugh it off no matter how serious it is.

    I really don't know what to do, any advice?

    Thanks
    Hello ,

    I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to it, it doesn't sound fun but as another poster has said it does sound as though you've been used to contribute towards the cost of the flat.

    So, first of all, even though you don't want to tell them, I think you should. Be honest with them about how you're feeling and you'll be surprised at the solution that can be drawn. It'll be scared but worth it if you actually just face them about it.

    It's all well and good saying they aren't inviting you to do this or including you and they're leaving you out but have you actually made the effort to do anything with them because it does work to ways - it's not just their job to invite you out. Have you tired doing it with them and such? That's where you might be going wrong.

    If none of it works, well then, in first year your flat was boring and you made friends, so attempt to do the same again and just treat the flat as your place to crash at the end of the day.

    Good luck
 
 
 
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