The Student Room Group

Friend has changed

My friend has changed in the last year and a half - she used to be respectable. She is 23 and has been sleeping with her martial arts instuctor who is 44 over the last year even though - he has a fiancee though keeps telling my friend he 'loves' her yet stays with his fiancee. She has even gone to counselling over him yet still sleeps with him. She slept with him on Thursday then on the Friday slept with a DJ she met a few times bowling and guess what, he has a girlfriend too. The things she has done are stupid as she has made me get her a pregnancy test in the past and has risked AIDS/HIV and STIs using no condoms.

I and another friend have tried to warn her she will get hurt but she says we are jealous :rolleyes: I really don't like friends who act like this and she is even saying my boyfriend has probably cheated on me :eek: I doubt he has and thought how dare you shove your insecurities onto me. How do I sort this out?
Reply 1
She seems to be in denial, so she will not accept anything that you say. She probably has no evidence to say your boyfriend has cheated, so just ignore her because she is just trying to make you feel hurt (probably because deep down she knows what you say is true and is hurt, but is denying it) and eventually it will all end in tears. The more you warn her, the nastier she will get, so be careful if you mention the subject.

The way I get out of situations like this is to let the person sort it out for themselves. It will end in tears and there will be heartbreak, so make sure you are there for her when this happens. I would not over-voice your concerns until this happens, but when it does you will be able to speak to her about it and explain to her how it hurt you to watch her doing this, and about her nasty comments.

She is risking her health and could easily get pregnant, but until something happens she will continue to deny it and unfortunately she will not listen to you.
I agree, she won't listen, back off a bit to make sure she doesn't hurt you then sadly you have to let her make mistakes
Firstly, sadly people do change and not always for the better, secondly sometimes there is just no way to tell them unless they find out the hard way, it's harsh but sometimes what else can you do. At some point she is going to be dropped and I dread to think what she will be like when it does happen. Probably when she does end up pregnant, because I highly doubt those sort of guys will want to know.
Reply 4
I hate it when friends change :frown: two of my best friends changed loads at their new schools...took drugs, dropped out of school...
Stay out of it, you tried, she won't listen.
Perhaps all you can do is sit back and watch her life come crashing down oneday and say "I told you so".
You can't help her if she doesn't wanna be helped. She seems happy with what she is doing, she's obviously not ,which is why she seems like she is. But if she won't admit she has problem, she is not gonna try and solve it and won't accept any assistance in solving it.
I can remember someone from college who went off with someone nearly 3 times her age and everyone tried telling her he was not right for her but she wouldn't listen. In the end as predicted it all went horribly wrong for her, starting with all her friends then family abandoning her. She moved in with him then he ditched her when he felt like it and she had nowhere to go.
Let her get on with it, you've tried your best.

She'll have to learn the hard way.
blackswan
Stay out of it, you tried, she won't listen.
Perhaps all you can do is sit back and watch her life come crashing down oneday and say "I told you so".


That's a terrible post. I wouldn't 'Sit back and watch' anyone who was in a desperate and sorry situation.

Even though she's being rude and offensive towards you, try your best. She needs emotional supporot through it, Give as much as you can, and when you can't do it anymore, stop and don't look back.
Misogynist
That's a terrible post. I wouldn't 'Sit back and watch' anyone who was in a desperate and sorry situation.

Even though she's being rude and offensive towards you, try your best. She needs emotional supporot through it, Give as much as you can, and when you can't do it anymore, stop and don't look back.


Trouble is what do you do when they just continue not to listen and tell you to piss off all the time.
Reply 11
I feel awful saying this but all you can do is leave her to it and be there when it all goes wrong...
Reply 12
She is totally deluded, met her today and she says cos my dad has gone away (for work) he is probably messing about behind my mom's back - complete load of crap :mad: I really hope not everyone thinks like her in life and takes pleasure in destroying relationships as many people's lives would be in ruins.
Not being horrible, but why are you friends with her?
Reply 14
yeah stay out of it. as hard as it might be at this moment she is completely on the defense. if you give her some truths she might turn against you and if this all goes wrong she wont have anyone to turn to. i think all you can really do is wait this out and be there when she really needs you. she seems to have some issues though, and when she says things about your relationship you need to set her straight but in a calm way, trying to get the message that that's really not how you should be treated.