Feeling down already (it's been 2 days)

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    I didn't get the accommodation I wanted so I got allocated a random flat. 3/5 of my flat mates are international and they're all super friendly but I just feel like we're not connecting. I don't know if it's a language or cultural barrier but I feel like our conversations aren't natural and are sometimes forced.

    I'm not a party animal either and so I would feel kind of weird approaching the flat below or above me because I don't like getting drunk (and partying till 3am is something they seem to like doing). I just feel like at uni unless you're into clubbing/partying/drinking it's hard to make genuine friends.

    I'm an introvert but I do want to make friends but forced socialising with my flat mates for the last two days has left me exhausted. I also feel homesick, I miss my family, I'm insecure about whether or not I'm smart enough to be at my university (it's a Russell Group), and I feel lonely.

    I'm Asian as well and I hate to say it but I feel like because I'm a different colour, from a different cultural upbringing, that it's hard to make friends and connect with the white people who are the majority at my university.



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    You should look for some societies to join and speak to people on your course. There'll be lots of people on your course who live in halls/flats too but also people who live local. Also, you don't need to force friendships with your flatmates. You don't even need to speak to them that much, just keep on good terms with them and speak to them when you see them but there's no need to go out with them or try forcing conversation with them.
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    (Original post by Petulia)
    You should look for some societies to join and speak to people on your course. There'll be lots of people on your course who live in halls/flats too but also people who live local. Also, you don't need to force friendships with your flatmates. You don't even need to speak to them that much, just keep on good terms with them and speak to them when you see them but there's no need to go out with them or try forcing conversation with them.
    Societies fair is in a few days so hopefully that'll be good for me and I can make some friends. My course has a gender imbalance so again idk if I can become genuine friends with some of these people (think engineering male:female ratio). My flat mates are really nice people but I just feel like we're not connecting. And I supposed I forced myself to talk to them to push myself but in my room I come back exhausted.

    I know it sounds silly but can you give me so tips on how to make friends and not just friendly acquaintances?


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    (Original post by grassntai)
    I'm Asian as well and I hate to say it but I feel like because I'm a different colour, from a different cultural upbringing, that it's hard to make friends and connect with the white people who are the majority at my university.
    I highly doubt that anyone cares that you are or acts differently to you just because you're asian.
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    (Original post by grassntai)
    Societies fair is in a few days so hopefully that'll be good for me and I can make some friends. My course has a gender imbalance so again idk if I can become genuine friends with some of these people (think engineering male:female ratio). My flat mates are really nice people but I just feel like we're not connecting. And I supposed I forced myself to talk to them to push myself but in my room I come back exhausted.

    I know it sounds silly but can you give me so tips on how to make friends and not just friendly acquaintances?


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    I meant your course is where you'll make most of your close friends. At the start of the year it doesn't seem like you'll get on with anyone but you'll see those people every single day and have to do group work with them and have gaps between lectures that you spend with those people. And because you're with them every day that's how you'll hear about events etc or get invited to places. At the start of the year you have to try your best to speak to everyone and eventually you'll find a group that you're comfortable with. No one at uni knows that you're usually introverted/shy, that's why it's easy to start fresh and speak to more people than you usually would. Good luck!
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    (Original post by grassntai)
    I didn't get the accommodation I wanted so I got allocated a random flat. 3/5 of my flat mates are international and they're all super friendly but I just feel like we're not connecting. I don't know if it's a language or cultural barrier but I feel like our conversations aren't natural and are sometimes forced.

    I'm not a party animal either and so I would feel kind of weird approaching the flat below or above me because I don't like getting drunk (and partying till 3am is something they seem to like doing). I just feel like at uni unless you're into clubbing/partying/drinking it's hard to make genuine friends.

    I'm an introvert but I do want to make friends but forced socialising with my flat mates for the last two days has left me exhausted. I also feel homesick, I miss my family, I'm insecure about whether or not I'm smart enough to be at my university (it's a Russell Group), and I feel lonely.

    I'm Asian as well and I hate to say it but I feel like because I'm a different colour, from a different cultural upbringing, that it's hard to make friends and connect with the white people who are the majority at my university.

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    Hello ,

    I'm sorry to hear that you're having this experience a couple of days into your university journey - however, it isn't uncommon for a minority of students to feel this way as some things do over power you and make it seem extremely negative.

    One thing I'd like to clear up first is that you DO NOT have to drink and no one will judge you if you don't want too. No one is that shallow at university. It's sad to think that your viewpoint is that you have to drink and club to make genuine friends but you really don't have too.

    With your flatmates, you'll either really get along with them or you won't. Sometimes flatmates all get along straight away or it can take a little longer - don't give up on it just yet. The conversations may feel a little forced but maybe that's because in your head, your thinking the friendship needs to be there straight away. Give it a little time and let the conversation flow naturally.

    You'll make friends through different floors and flats as the year goes on and from people on your course - give it a little time, it will get better. Don't be afraid to make the effort and ask people about where they are from, why they decided to study at the university and that conversation whilst inviting them if they want to explore the city or go for a drink etc.

    You aren't alone in these feelings - feeling homesick is extremely common, it's only your first couple of days. Keep pushing and you will adjust to the change. Trust me.
    Also you are smart enough to be at university, if you weren't, you wouldn't be were you are now.

    Best of luck and keep your chin up,
    Good luck
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    (Original post by Shipreck)
    I highly doubt that anyone cares that you are or acts differently to you just because you're asian.
    It's not like that. It's being from a different cultural upbringing. Going out clubbing and drunk and vomiting everywhere as young people is not common in China. Non of the canteen food in my meal plan are catered for Asians either. Do you ever wonder why some Asian people prefer to hang out mostly with other Asian people? It's because they understand each other better on a metaphysical and cultural level. I do have white friends home but I always feel more comfortable and at home when I'm around other Asians and it's because of the upbringing I had sorry.


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    (Original post by grassntai)
    I know it sounds silly but can you give me so tips on how to make friends and not just friendly acquaintances?


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    you've just got to give it time... no one forms good friendships overnight and usually it takes some awkward forced interaction before friendships can happen

    my biggest advice is to just make an effort with as many people as possible, it will be exhausting if you're an introvert but after a few weeks or a month or two you'll realise who you connect with best and who you want to invest more time in

    it's worth not deciding some people are too different for you to connect with, I'm white british and female and some of my closest uni friends were international and male and we got on fine - make an effort regardless... suggest everyone in your flat gets take out together and watches a film, invite someone on your course for lunch or ask if they wanna work on that assignment together in the library, join a society (or a few!)

    making friends at uni is a new experience for a lot of people as they've never been by themselves with a bunch of strangers before... they look around and it looks like everyone is clicking and making lifelong friends, they're not! They're just approaching it with a bit more confidence than you, most people feel the same at first, that they're not clicking, that everyone else is doing better... but you've just got to keep pushing on until you get to where you wanna be.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    you've just got to give it time... no one forms good friendships overnight and usually it takes some awkward forced interaction before friendships can happen

    my biggest advice is to just make an effort with as many people as possible, it will be exhausting if you're an introvert but after a few weeks or a month or two you'll realise who you connect with best and who you want to invest more time in

    it's worth not deciding some people are too different for you to connect with, I'm white british and female and some of my closest uni friends were international and male and we got on fine - make an effort regardless... suggest everyone in your flat gets take out together and watches a film, invite someone on your course for lunch or ask if they wanna work on that assignment together in the library, join a society (or a few!)

    making friends at uni is a new experience for a lot of people as they've never been by themselves with a bunch of strangers before... they look around and it looks like everyone is clicking and making lifelong friends, they're not! They're just approaching it with a bit more confidence than you, most people feel the same at first, that they're not clicking, that everyone else is doing better... but you've just got to keep pushing on until you get to where you wanna be.
    Thank you so much for the advice. Really appreciate it.


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