Boyfriend Terrified of Me Going To Uni

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 2 years now. I live with him and expect to go to uni in Oct 08. Thing is, my bf is terrified I'll do something stupid or I'll simply foregt about him. He's not possessive hes just very paranoid, nothing I can say will stop that. I love him so much, so doubt isn't the issue, I just don't know what is. Any help?

Reply 1

username47781

20

As long as you love him then surely you will not do anything like cheat, just reassure him that you won't. But don't let him stop you going to Uni. Surely paranoid and possessive is the same thing?

Reply 2

Firearm

You went to the same college as me...

anyway, most people i've talked to say that if they could do it again, they would go to University single as you change dramatically in 1 year (unless you stay in your room 24/7).

Oct 08 is a long way away .. i would say hes being extremely paranoid if its already seriously getting to him.

I'm quite cynical of long distance Uni relationships..and long distance relationships in general anyway.

Reply 3

Rosie120788

As long as you love each other it will work! Me and my boyfriend are still together despite him livin at home and me at uni! Loads of people go to uni with boyfriends bk home and if u love each other and have commitment it will work. he can come stay with u at uni and u can see him when ur bk home its all good! Your only at uni max 9 months a year anyhoo so its not like u wont be livin bk at home for a few months every year. if you want it to work it will! x

Reply 4

Kate.

15

October 2008 is a long time away - you might not even be together then anyway. Not meaning to be dismissive towards your relationship, but I wouldn't really plan anything more than a few months away - I know from experience that a lot can change in just a few months. Try and talk to him about it I guess...there's no point in worrying now, that's ages away.

Reply 5

grammar_king

2

Personally I wouldn't even consider going to uni whilst already in a relationship. It's a place where you change so dramatically you might not even like each other in the same way anymore, and it'll make you feel even more homesick which might make you want to drop out.

Whatever happens and whatever you decide, don't let him be the reason you don't go to uni. Think in the long term, in 20 years he probably won't be an issue, but you will be.

There's always the possibility of going to a local-ish uni...

Reply 6

hannah_dru

2

Same here. My boyfriend will be really afraid if I make it to uni this year.

Have you told him that you'll still make time for him and see him?

Reply 7

strawberrykisses123

hey tell him not to worry - most of the girls in my corridor in first year actually had boyfriends back home and they were all really happy! some visited every week but some only once in awhile but they had no problems about the LDR thing. as long as you love each other it'll be fine

Reply 8

username47781

20

grammar_king

Personally I wouldn't even consider going to uni whilst already in a relationship. It's a place where you change so dramatically you might not even like each other in the same way anymore, and it'll make you feel even more homesick which might make you want to drop out.

Whatever happens and whatever you decide, don't let him be the reason you don't go to uni. Think in the long term, in 20 years he probably won't be an issue, but you will be.

There's always the possibility of going to a local-ish uni...

Not always, some people do survive uni while in a relationship.

Reply 9

Napally

grammar_king

Personally I wouldn't even consider going to uni whilst already in a relationship. It's a place where you change so dramatically you might not even like each other in the same way anymore, and it'll make you feel even more homesick which might make you want to drop out.

Whatever happens and whatever you decide, don't let him be the reason you don't go to uni. Think in the long term, in 20 years he probably won't be an issue, but you will be.

There's always the possibility of going to a local-ish uni...

No offence to you but I think this is ridiculous advice.

To the OP: Don't give up on your dreams and ambitions because someone else is concerned and paranoid. If you're in a good relationship then the distance shouldn't be anything more than a small concern to you. People will come and go out of your life but you shouldn't miss out on opportunities because of a person. You might love him but he has got to accept your decisions and ultimately trust you.

Reply 10

Ilora-Danon

3

grammar_king

Personally I wouldn't even consider going to uni whilst already in a relationship. It's a place where you change so dramatically you might not even like each other in the same way anymore, and it'll make you feel even more homesick which might make you want to drop out.

Whatever happens and whatever you decide, don't let him be the reason you don't go to uni. Think in the long term, in 20 years he probably won't be an issue, but you will be.

There's always the possibility of going to a local-ish uni...

I agree 100%. But then, I'm a logical/common sensical type person, so I would! :p:

I personally loathe the idea of going to university whilst being in a relationship and I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot barge pole.

You're, what? 18. That's nothing! You are going to change beyond recognition in the 3 years you're at uni and your wants and needs will change, I can guarantee you. Who knows, he may change with you, but the chances of you remaining the same people in those 3 years is near on impossible.

You've got nearly a whole year until you go to uni.. you may want to hang fire with any big decisions until nearer the time - in my synical ways - you may not even be together in a year's time.

Reply 11

singforme

people can change a lot at uni. i think it's important that he let's you go and enjoy your time there, especially for the first month as this is the most important social time. he needs to trust you enough and realise you need to make friends and he can't be there all the time. people i know have felt very secluded by having their partners around all the time, and in relationships where it's ended, the person at uni has ended up feeling bitter about that.

so sure you might change at uni, but he can't stop that, he has to trust you, if he can't it isn't worth it anyway/

Reply 12

Rutter knows best!

12

my stepsister is following her boyfriend uni wise, but she is a bellend and a stranger to me .

long distance relationship are hard from what i''ve been told.
i did'nt bother to read the op but i am a pleb so i jus started talkin with no regard to the subject.(i would'nt have it any other way)

Reply 13

Spring_Ryder

OP

I think with me applying this year the thought that I might actually be going to uni has crashed down on him suddenly.

thanks to all the replies really appreciate it, lots of diverse opinions there!

Of course I would never cheat on him, and if I did change dramatically, enough so I didn't feel I could be with him anymore, I would have to talk things over and end the relationship. I don't think it would come to that though. Going out for two years and we still laugh at our lame jokes togther and celebrate every month aniversary lol.

Maybe its because I'm going to have this whole ne exciting life, doing what I want, and he'll be stuck in a little office job in a little town. i'm not sure, but if anything at the moment his paranoia is ruining the relationship, which is quite ironic. It's weird as he always used to be confident to the point of cocky, but now he's woried a lot when we discuss uni. It's quite unnerving, but maybe I should take it that he does care fo me alot. I'm sure if we both have the energy and commitment to keep it together then we will do. We're soulmates *TiC*

Thankyou everyone

Reply 14

Helenia

20

In my opinion, if soulmates existed and if you two were them, he'd understand you wanting to follow your ambitions, and would trust you no matter how much it hurt him.

I wouldn't say definitely go to uni single, but go in the knowledge that it will change you and your relationship will not be an easy ride. Above all, don't let him stop you - reassure him and talk to him about it, but don't let his paranoia get in your way.

Reply 15

suicidal_dream

1

ok so i've been to uni this year whilst in a relationship - i only met my boyf 2 months before leaving for uni BUT

he was the one that encouraged me to stay at uni.
i wanted to go home cos i was finding it stupidly difficult to make friends and i basically felt that in no way did i fit in.

but he helped me and stopped me feeling so lonely.

it can work - its lasted for a year.

i found that telling my boyfriend as early as i could about my going to uni helped.
i told him what i wanted to do and that in no way would it affect my being with him. i wanted to be with him and go to uni.

he accepted it and now he's proud of me for sticking at it as he knows more so than anyone how hard this year has been for me, as well as the issues at home which nearly made me leave uni.

Boyfriend Terrified of Me Going To Uni

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