Hiya guys,
So I recently started uni at the UWS in Ayr. I am studying commercial music. I am 23 years old so you can classify me as a mature student, right? I am amongst people who are 19 and younger and I feel so out of place. It's not just the class, it's the halls too. I spend every night in my room, watching Youtube videos, blogging, just anything to pass the time and it doesn't help the halls are situated in the middle of nowhere - there's no shops nearby, no leisure facilities - I have to get a taxi everywhere I go which costs me a fortune and I don't get much of a student loan as it is!
I just feel at times I don't want to carry on any longer here and that I should've went all those years ago when I was 18. Another scary thing is, I don't know if I want to do music anymore as a career - I get more joy out of blogging and writing - I have been told I am a great writer so maybe I'm meant to do that instead, I don't know. Is it the university? I wish sometimes I went to Bournemouth or Gloucestershire as there is a bigger music/media scene over there compared to Scotland,I think, but I always do this, thinking I'd be better off somewhere else but it could've been the same story, I mean at the end of the day it is my problem - I am shy and don't make friends easily and it does take me a while to settle and make acquaintances, plus it doesn't help there is absolutely no one in the class who is in their 20's!
I had a cry when I came back over an hour ago and felt like I couldn't cope with the loneliness and isolation I am feeling and I am someone who feels those emotions so intensely, which is awful to go through on your own. I don't know what brought it on....lack of sleep perhaps or the fact I couldn't interact with anyone in my class and put myself in a group for our class task we have to do. It could be both, so I feel I am going to fail that module because of that!
Speaking of Freshers week, I feel sad because I didn't go to any of the events and that's obviously a way to make new friends and have a good time, but like I said before, I just locked myself away in my room watching Girls and texting this guy back home, who could potentially be a new partner. One of my flatmates invited me to the white t-shirt party last week at the union and I was like "Yeah I'm up for that" but while I was walking to the union with them, I was like "I can't be bothered", plus some of them were drunk, so I found myself walking back to the halls. I also think my anxiety got the best of me too because I don't like walking at night when it's dark.
I am having quite a *****y time at uni at the moment....can anyone relate?