How to identify a toxic reference

    • Thread Starter

    So this is one of the biggest threats to my university application when I make it next year.

    I am self teaching so do not have a tutor, I also do not have any study before this recently so no source for academic reference. I could use my work place for a reference however there are 2 obstacles to this.

    1. I work for the family business, so Reference would be coming from someone who works for my parents. I am not sure if that is even allowed, and even if it is if a university finds that detail out it wont do me any favors.
    2. My father and brothers are very critical about me going back to university to pursue a degree. They could potentially influence or ask for the reference to not be so friendly towards me.

    So another option is to get a tutor, whom i see once a week this may not sound like much but if I have a maths tutor I see once a week the cheap ones charge £30 an hour. I would likely use that service for 15 months. if there is 52 weeks in a year then 1 quarter of that is 13 so 65*30. that is £1950 that i pretty much would be paying just for a reference in effect.

    It also means that I may not be able to say I was self taught which is impressive if i do well. Now would I not go under the category of private school etc? which would work against me and isn't even fair to say anyway.

    If I can still claim to be self taught maybe this is the solution for the reference though that is quite costly maybe I would have to justify that. I am on a tight budget as it is.

    However this negates a potential threat. A lot of people write me off due to me been autistic. Now this may make me sound like a hypocrite to less astute people that have observed my posts. Since I always have a go at other autistic individuals whom use it as an excuse. However I am not using it as an excuse for lack of effort or poor exam results. I am making an observation that people make negative assumptions about me due the autism which is true.

    One maths tutor I spoke to I said I think I should find maths intuitive due to been autistic he suddenly changed his whole tac and said I should do further maths GCSE instead because all universities accept this instead of the A level. I of course immediately knew this to be utter nonsense, and called him on it there and then. He suddenly came out with he thinks I should seriously rethink my desire to pursue a maths degree.

    Now the problem is most individuals would not be quite as obvious as this and might work against me in my reference.

    I know you can sue for a bad reference it is a moot point I would not sue because it is to much hassle and to get any damages you would have to be able to substantiate the losses you received which is very difficult could be debated and id probably end up getting nothing after the legal fees. Further most bad references would be vague and not really easy to challenge like that.

    My point is how to avoid putting a toxic reference down to begin with and identify if someone is a toxic reference?

    Sorry you've not had any responses about this. Are you sure you've posted in the right place? Here's a link to our subject forum which should help get you more responses if you post there.

    Just quoting in Danny Dorito so she can move the thread if needed :wizard:
    (Original post by Danny Dorito)
    • Thread Starter

    (Original post by TSR Jessica)
    Sorry you've not had any responses about this. Are you sure you've posted in the right place? Here's a link to our subject forum which should help get you more responses if you post there.

    Just quoting in Danny Dorito so she can move the thread if needed :wizard:

    ok thanks I am kind of new to this site so did not know which category to put it under.
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