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Empty nest?

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    Are there any parents out there who are feeling sad after daughter or son has just started university? Don't bother to comment if all you want to say is 'that's pathetic' though!
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    Yes, I am... I would never admit to my daughter, but feeling sad to see mums and children around at the moment.

    There are a lot sad mums on mums net higher education forum. Reading them and feeling relieved I'm not alone. Recommended.
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    (Original post by cyupa)
    Yes, I am... I would never admit to my daughter, but feeling sad to see mums and children around at the moment.

    There are a lot sad mums on mums net higher education forum. Reading them and feeling relieved I'm not alone. Recommended.
    Thank you for that - I had not found the mumsnet HE forum, I will take a look.
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    (Original post by dontargue)
    Thank you for that - I had not found the mumsnet HE forum, I will take a look.
    http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education

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    Mine hasn't gone yet and it is a feat of the imagination at the moment. He's been very 'absent' for a good few years, and has pissed this precious Summer away. I don't have any particular worries about him and be more independent when I am not physically there or anywhere near but I am not seeing much sign of what I had hoped to have brought him up with (other than the university place!) I had to laugh recently when I eventually supplied a postcard, stamped and addressed, so that he could sent a thank you to a relative who had bought him some course books and when I posted it he had written all about how much he was looking forward to being independent....

    I do feel the loss of the relationship with a lovely school... and having spent such a lot of time on research around universities and his chosen subject that's quite hard to let go of too, especially as I suspect he's not going to tell us much.

    We'll be straight from taking him into very disagreeable meetings about our other son who is not considered likely ever to be able to live independently and the LA wish to end his hard won specialist placement prematurely. We had such a massive fight on our hands this time last year and when he got the right placement, there was no feeling of elation... and this is perhaps similar.

    What I would say is that it is not necessarily a kindness not to utter a squeak of missing your fledgling, unless they are very vulnerable and would come rushing home... I vividly remember the month before I went, my mother so excited - not nasty "can't wait" stuff but not acknowledging there might be any less than rosy feelings as well, and it became faintly perturbing.

    My grandmother told me that my mother had phoned her every day for several weeks after my departure - and that was really helpful to know. I didn't get homesick, aside from bowing to parental pressure and choosing the wrong hall for me, I was in heaven but it is still an adjustment and you don't want to feel the space you left behind has immediately closed up leaving no trace! I am a bit narked with the university for their contradictory information about when he could arrive - I was looking forward to not having to do it when the atmosphere was highly charged with other families' emotions.

    Still, exasperating as he can be I don't think my farewell to him at the residence will be a headbutt which is what my father did to my brother... Unforgiveable.
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    My eldest will go to uni next September and I am worried about how empty it will be here. I am a single mum and my other son is 11 (so will be 12 next year and suddenly effectively an only child). They have a close relationship despite the large age gap, maybe big brother is almost a temporary father figure although they do see their dad more or less every other weekend. It's going to be really weird just me and a 12 year old...
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    My daughter is now in her second year and I was totally lost and heart broken when leaving her for the first time. She suffers from social anxiety so it made the parting even harder. She didn't really mix at all with her flat mates. I'm hoping this year will be easier for her.
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    I know it's been nearly 3 months since you posted this, but I just want to say to you that I know exactly how you're feeling!!!! Although my Daughter doesn't suffer with anxiety, she's not really an outgoing person. Although she made friends at uni, she didn't really socialise with any of them preferring to get a good degree mark, which she did last year!!! As for the empty nest!!! I can empathise entirely, having had her back from March last year to her starting a post grad, it was lovely to have her around, but when she went in September, I found myself feeling all sad and emotional again!!! Just like the first year!!! Like I said to mine, you're sad when they leave, you just get used to the peace and tranquility, then they're back and you have to get used to a noisy house again!!!🤣😊
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    (Original post by Artjen)
    My eldest will go to uni next September and I am worried about how empty it will be here. I am a single mum and my other son is 11 (so will be 12 next year and suddenly effectively an only child). They have a close relationship despite the large age gap, maybe big brother is almost a temporary father figure although they do see their dad more or less every other weekend. It's going to be really weird just me and a 12 year old...
    I am in almost exactly the same situation although my youngest is a 10yo girl. I am already feeling sad about him going and he has just accepted an offer to a uni I am not so sure about.
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    (Original post by Mum'stheword)
    I am in almost exactly the same situation although my youngest is a 10yo girl. I am already feeling sad about him going and he has just accepted an offer to a uni I am not so sure about.
    Which one? What is your worry?
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    (Original post by Artjen)
    Which one? What is your worry?
    He got offers from some great unis for Film (Norwich, AUB and Falmouth) but was really taken by the course at Plymouth College of Art.
    I wanted him to go to Falmouth because it seemed safe and he could live on campus whilst he found his uni feet. Plymouth is such a big city for him (we live in a tiny village in Somerset).
    I think I am actually just panicking about him leaving home
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    He will have lots of company, probably people from similar situations and others who are more worldly wise who he can learn off. Plymouth isn't so bad, and at least it's a bit closer than Falmouth.
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    (Original post by Artjen)
    He will have lots of company, probably people from similar situations and others who are more worldly wise who he can learn off. Plymouth isn't so bad, and at least it's a bit closer than Falmouth.
    Ah, you're right! And it's such a great course. Just need to sort out accommodation now!
    Thanks
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    We forget sometimes that we 'chose' to live where we do... not them!

    My son has expunged the town we live in now from the bit of Facebook I can see, but left his birth town (which may seem cooler for his course)
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    (Original post by dirtmother)
    We forget sometimes that we 'chose' to live where we do... not them!

    My son has expunged the town we live in now from the bit of Facebook I can see, but left his birth town (which may seem cooler for his course)
    Lol - yes, I can see that happening for mine too!
 
 
 
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