Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

My mum is stopping me from doing what l want Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    So, basically l am 18 and l wanted to go far for university but mum has stopped me saying how she can choose whether l can go or not.

    She's an african parent and l have wanted to gain independence but she disagrees with that saying how l can gain independence by staying at home and all that.

    She's basically choosing EVERYTHING for me, what course, what uni, you name it.

    And l don't know what to do.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    sing "hasa diga eebowai" and tell her to **** off
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    You're 18, it's your decision and yours alone.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Did she go to uni herself?
    Can you get your dad or elder sibling to have a word with her?
    You should be able to choose for yourself.

    You must decide whether you are brave enough to choose yourself knowing how she wll react. She could kick you out of the house etc.
    You would be better off working , saving money and going the following year, so if she kicks you out then you know what to do and have somewhere to stay. Do not let her choose.
    Online

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by the.chantele)
    So, basically l am 18 and l wanted to go far for university but mum has stopped me saying how she can choose whether l can go or not.

    She's an african parent and l have wanted to gain independence but she disagrees with that saying how l can gain independence by staying at home and all that.

    She's basically choosing EVERYTHING for me, what course, what uni, you name it.

    And l don't know what to do.
    In the end, you choose what course you apply to, and what uni you attend, and she can do nothing about it.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Did she go to uni herself?
    Can you get your dad or elder sibling to have a word with her?
    You should be able to choose for yourself.

    You must decide whether you are brave enough to choose yourself knowing how she wll react. She could kick you out of the house etc.
    You would be better off working , saving money and going the following year, so if she kicks you out then you know what to do and have somewhere to stay. Do not let her choose.
    She missed out on education because her parents weren't encouraging her.

    I can't make someone talk to her otherwise they'll take her side.

    She keeps saying "its my decision even if you're 18"
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Not sure this is much help but I try.
    The only thing I can say is that it is as everyone else says it your decision. Your mother if she forces her rules on you may find that actually blowing back up in her face if your not happy. Because, lets be honest if its a subject your not happy with then your not going to want to put effort in, it be like me doing Geography it just wouldn't work.

    This may sound clique but I would seriously talk to one of your teachers about the issue(perhaps the teacher who teaches the subject your interested in) and maybe arrange a meeting with them and your mum so they can say to your mother about how it is your decision, they may encourage her to have her say but that does not mean it her choice.

    To be honest at the end of the day, your the only who can fill out that ucas form not her, she can't write a personal statement for you because uni's would instantly notice.

    I hope all works out though.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    She should at least let you choose what you want to study!
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    (Original post by the.chantele)
    She missed out on education because her parents weren't encouraging her.

    I can't make someone talk to her otherwise they'll take her side.

    She keeps saying "its my decision even if you're 18"
    Decide where you wnat to study and what course.

    Presumably your family income is low enough so she wont have to contribute.

    Try and persuade her of the benfits of your course, use a teacher or careers person to support by saying they are in agreement. If she wont go for that, then do not go with what she suggests.

    Take a gap year, earn some money and go the following year on the course you wnat. earn enough so that if she throws you out then you can cope.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by the.chantele)
    So, basically l am 18 and l wanted to go far for university but mum has stopped me saying how she can choose whether l can go or not.

    She's an african parent and l have wanted to gain independence but she disagrees with that saying how l can gain independence by staying at home and all that.

    She's basically choosing EVERYTHING for me, what course, what uni, you name it.

    And l don't know what to do.
    Unless shes stopping you doing medicine law or dentistry etc. Is it really a big problem? It may seem bad now but she might be right. As long as you have friends youll still be able to enjoy yourself.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    I'm in a similar situation so I'm just going to apply for unis out of my city. Family can't do anything once it's gone through. Why not do the same?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    You are an adult, do what you wanna do or you will regret it?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    You are an adult. She can't stop you doing what you want to do. (Especially as it sounds she is bitter about missing out herself!)
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Apply to university off your own accord, that's what I would do. It isn't her decision about what you do, at the end of the day you are the one who has to do it (and will get the debt afterwards).

    Do some of your own research into unis you like and courses you want to pursue, then tell her YOU have made YOUR decision.

    Good luck
    • Political Ambassador
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    i know how you feel 'african parents too lol. in my case, i'm encouraged to move out but not go to a uni thats over 100 miles away, why no try to convince them that youll go a uni thats in the region but not too far away from home?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BigMan Ting)
    i know how you feel 'african parents too lol. in my case, i'm encouraged to move out but not go to a uni thats over 100 miles away, why no try to convince them that youll go a uni thats in the region but not too far away from home?
    I DID say that but she still wants me to stay home and she lists so many people she knows and that l know that have stayed home. Its quite funny how she contradicts herself all the time because one minute she'/ saying don't follow your friends and next she': following other peoples kids -.-
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OwlOfFire)
    Apply to university off your own accord, that's what I would do. It isn't her decision about what you do, at the end of the day you are the one who has to do it (and will get the debt afterwards).

    Do some of your own research into unis you like and courses you want to pursue, then tell her YOU have made YOUR decision.

    Good luck
    Like l said she's an african parent, l can't just do that. I was taught to follow the rules of your parents and all that.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 1010marina)
    You are an adult. She can't stop you doing what you want to do. (Especially as it sounds she is bitter about missing out herself!)
    She thinks l'm not an adult until l finish uni.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by the.chantele)
    She thinks l'm not an adult until l finish uni.
    Well she thinks wrong. 18 = legally adult. Do what you want with your life.

    Best of luck
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    (Original post by Anfanny)
    Unless shes stopping you doing medicine law or dentistry etc. Is it really a big problem? It may seem bad now but she might be right. As long as you have friends youll still be able to enjoy yourself.
    But if you are doing a course you dont enjoy, in a subject which is no use and at a uni you dislike, then its a massive issue.
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
    Useful resources
    Bizarre things students have spent their loans onThings you should budget for at uni

    Sponsored features:

    Making money from your own website

    Need some cash?

    How to make money running your own website.

    Bianca Miller, runner-up on The Apprentice

    Handle your digital footprint

    What would an employer find out about you on Google? Find out how to take control.

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.