Someone talk me out of messaging him

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    There's this guy I met online (have made several threads about the situation so you'll probably guess what I'm taking about). Anyway so I cancelled the date and deleted my account but I have him on another social media platform where it's possible to message him.
    I don't have his number though. I cancelled the date last week and since then I can't stop thinking about him and I keep telling myself oh why don't I just message him on Instagram. But I can't and my friend told me I need to move on as well. Someone please convince me not to
    #2

    What? Don't complicate the situation. If you didn't stop talking on bad terms just do what you want to do and message him. There's no need to complicate something that should be so straight forward.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What? Don't complicate the situation. If you didn't stop talking on bad terms just do what you want to do and message him. There's no need to complicate something that should be so straight forward.
    I cancelled a date, told him I was busy, told him something had come up and I wasn't looking for anything right now. I did this the day before I was supposed to go on a date with him. He'll think I'm completely crazy if I message him all of a sudden on Instagram (when I've never messaged him before on there) and say actually I've changed my mind
    #2

    Well just him you made a mistake and if he is still interested you would really like to try meeting up again as you're still interested, just be honest about why you cancelled in the first place.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I cancelled a date, told him I was busy, told him something had come up and I wasn't looking for anything right now. I did this the day before I was supposed to go on a date with him. He'll think I'm completely crazy if I message him all of a sudden on Instagram (when I've never messaged him before on there) and say actually I've changed my mind
    No he won't. He probably still wants to speak to you...

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Commercial Paper)
    No he won't. He probably still wants to speak to you...

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I really don't think he does if I messaged him now he would probably just be amused by it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really don't think he does if I messaged him now he would probably just be amused by it
    So what? Guys like it when girls actually show courage to speak to them. I should know, I'm a guy.

    You have three choices:

    1. You message him. He appreciates it. Win. Just be honest with him about it.

    2. You message him. He doesn't like it. You can move on. Win.

    3. You do nothing but keep thinking about it. Lose.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Commercial Paper)
    So what? Guys like it when girls actually show courage to speak to them. I should know, I'm a guy.

    You have three choices:

    1. You message him. He appreciates it. Win. Just be honest with him about it.

    2. You message him. He doesn't like it. You can move on. Win.

    3. You do nothing but keep thinking about it. Lose.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Ahhhh you make it sound so reasonable and simple to message him but I can't bring myself to do it even though the way you put it makes me more inclined to message him. The reason why I cancelled everything was because of the way he talked though and my friends were telling me he's a weirdo and j shouldn't speak to him so I started feeling sick when I thought of the date. I can't tell him that?!? shall I come up with another excuse?!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ahhhh you make it sound so reasonable and simple to message him but I can't bring myself to do it even though the way you put it makes me more inclined to message him. The reason why I cancelled everything was because of the way he talked though and my friends were telling me he's a weirdo and j shouldn't speak to him so I started feeling sick when I thought of the date. I can't tell him that?!? shall I come up with another excuse?!
    Don't talk to him if you're going to make excuses - it's a really bad habit to get into. Just say you were talked out of it by some friends. This will make him like you more if he sees you have the courage to ignore your friends and still go with him anyway.

    And also, don't listen to your friends. It's your date so it's your decision. Even if he is a weirdo, a) why do you miss him? And b) you can always do the date, get to know him a bit more before going your different ways...

    At least this will satisfy you and result in you not missing him because of a decision influenced by other people.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Commercial Paper)
    Don't talk to him if you're going to make excuses - it's a really bad habit to get into. Just say you were talked out of it by some friends. This will make him like you more if he sees you have the courage to ignore your friends and still go with him anyway.

    And also, don't listen to your friends. It's your date so it's your decision. Even if he is a weirdo, a) why do you miss him? And b) you can always do the date, get to know him a bit more before going your different ways...

    At least this will satisfy you and result in you not missing him because of a decision influenced by other people.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Ok I was going to tell him that my brother had to go in for surgery and that's why I became so preoccupied and cancelled everything but you're right it is a bad habit to get into. Omg I can't bring myself to tell him my friends encouraged me to cancel the date, that's so embarrassing and j don't know why I miss him I don't know why I've become so attached to him even though I've never met him, I'm not usefully his obsessed about a guy ever, I don't know what it is I'm sorry I'm completely offloading all my crap onto you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok I was going to tell him that my brother had to go in for surgery and that's why I became so preoccupied and cancelled everything but you're right it is a bad habit to get into. Omg I can't bring myself to tell him my friends encouraged me to cancel the date, that's so embarrassing and j don't know why I miss him I don't know why I've become so attached to him even though I've never met him, I'm not usefully his obsessed about a guy ever, I don't know what it is I'm sorry I'm completely offloading all my crap onto you
    Just whatever you do, please don't make up something about surgery. Don't be one of those people.

    You want him to like you, right? So be honest with him about your friends. And more importantly, tell him why you want to try again. I personally keep my relationship type stuff going on pretty secretive until it is official so no reason for your friends to even know!

    You're probably not as attached to him as you think you are - it's probably because you were persuaded to cancel the date when you didn't want to and now it's become disproportionately prominent in your mind.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Commercial Paper)
    Just whatever you do, please don't make up something about surgery. Don't be one of those people.

    You want him to like you, right? So be honest with him about your friends. And more importantly, tell him why you want to try again. I personally keep my relationship type stuff going on pretty secretive until it is official so no reason for your friends to even know!

    You're probably not as attached to him as you think you are - it's probably because you were persuaded to cancel the date when you didn't want to and now it's become disproportionately prominent in your mind.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    It's cos I'm one of those people that need advice on a lot of aspects of their relationships so I go to two of my really trusted friends. I just think if I tell him I was persuaded not to see him by my friends he'll think man this girl needs to grow a back bone. How would you word the message?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's cos I'm one of those people that need advice on a lot of aspects of their relationships so I go to two of my really trusted friends. I just think if I tell him I was persuaded not to see him by my friends he'll think man this girl needs to grow a back bone. How would you word the message?
    Depends on the guy. But it'd probably answer a lot of unanswered questions he has pretty quickly.

    I have no idea how to word the message because I don't know how you normally speak to him or what kind of relationship you have.

    Just say something along the lines of...

    Hey,

    I wanted to message you to see how you were doing? I regret cancelling on you, and I miss you. I'm sorry it must seem so confusing and random. I want to chat again, would you be up for doing something?

    It's up to you whether you mention your friends. I probably would in the first instance so it seems less bizarre but you don't have to unless he asks why.

    Also - get his mobile number.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Commercial Paper)
    Depends on the guy. But it'd probably answer a lot of unanswered questions he has pretty quickly.

    I have no idea how to word the message because I don't know how you normally speak to him or what kind of relationship you have.

    Just say something along the lines of...

    Hey,

    I wanted to message you to see how you were doing? I regret cancelling on you, and I miss you. I'm sorry it must seem so confusing and random. I want to chat again, would you be up for doing something?

    It's up to you whether you mention your friends. I probably would in the first instance so it seems less bizarre but you don't have to unless he asks why.

    Also - get his mobile number.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    ok how about this
    Hey I wanted to message you to see how you were doing? I regret cancelling on you. I'm sorry it must seem so confusing and random. I want to chat again, would you be up for doing something?

    Shall i just sat to him i got anxious or will he think I'm immature and childish? also how do i get his number? i don't wanna ask him for it and part of me think he's probably moved on with his life already and hasn't even thought of me :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ok how about this
    Hey I wanted to message you to see how you were doing? I regret cancelling on you. I'm sorry it must seem so confusing and random. I want to chat again, would you be up for doing something?

    Shall i just sat to him i got anxious or will he think I'm immature and childish? also how do i get his number? i don't wanna ask him for it and part of me think he's probably moved on with his life already and hasn't even thought of me :/
    Yes, that's fine. Just ask him for his number. He will give it to you. Never known a guy not give his number out.

    You're over-thinking it. If you want to go down that path, just say you weren't ready and needed more time to think things through.

    The reality is you're not going to know unless you try. It really depends how he felt in the first place. I don't think guys generally think this way: "oh she must be really childish to do that, or she must have no backbone if she did that". Most guys are pretty understanding and just accept it for what it is...

    Please just do it and see what happens. You'll feel better for it either way.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Commercial Paper)
    Yes, that's fine. Just ask him for his number. He will give it to you. Never known a guy not give his number out.

    You're over-thinking it. If you want to go down that path, just say you weren't ready and needed more time to think things through.

    The reality is you're not going to know unless you try. It really depends how he felt in the first place. I don't think guys generally think this way: "oh she must be really childish to do that, or she must have no backbone if she did that". Most guys are pretty understanding and just accept it for what it is...

    Please just do it and see what happens. You'll feel better for it either way.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    ok. can i still come back here and ask you for more advice? i think I'm going to message him, you speak logic to me and it all sounds reasonable. how about if i said i deleted the account cos loads of guys on there were being creepy (which is also true but thats not why i deleted it)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ok. can i still come back here and ask you for more advice? i think I'm going to message him, you speak logic to me and it all sounds reasonable. how about if i said i deleted the account cos loads of guys on there were being creepy (which is also true but thats not why i deleted it)
    Yes, feel free to come back. My phone vibrates whenever someone tags me on TSR.

    You can say that if you want but he probably won't believe you - even if he doesn't say this to you he's probably thinking it. Probably best to say you deleted it because you wanted a break from social media but changed your mind.

    Let me know how it goes .

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Commercial Paper)
    Yes, feel free to come back. My phone vibrates whenever someone tags me on TSR.

    You can say that if you want but he probably won't believe you - even if he doesn't say this to you he's probably thinking it. Probably best to say you deleted it because you wanted a break from social media but changed your mind.

    Let me know how it goes .

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    ok so shall i be like sorry i cancelled on you, just wanted a break from social media. isn't that quite an odd excuse???
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ok so shall i be like sorry i cancelled on you, just wanted a break from social media. isn't that quite an odd excuse???
    Tell him you cancelled on him because you weren't sure and needed some space but now you are sure. And then say you deleted it because you wanted some time to think and a break from people on there. I think it's fine. Would be better if you were just honest but I think this is fine.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Commercial Paper)
    Tell him you cancelled on him because you weren't sure and needed some space but now you are sure. And then say you deleted it because you wanted some time to think and a break from people on there. I think it's fine. Would be better if you were just honest but I think this is fine.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    if i were to give him the honest answer how would i word it? again I'm sorry I'm being a complete pain here
 
 
 
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