She cheated on me even though we're not going out!
Background-
- She is the first girl I've spoken to (shocker!!)
- Never had sex
- never had a girlfriend
- I thought she was the perfect girl for me
I've been/was taking to this girl for about a year, I known her in person as I used to work with her. The last 4 month we've been speaking a lot, our conversation are very long, lasting around 4 - 5 hours most nights. I can talk to her about anything, I've told her that I liked her and she said she was interested in someone else. This came as a massive blow as we spoke so much and flirted a lot as well, it got to the point were I felt like we were already something...
She then ended up sleeping with a rep (of the hotel she was at) on holiday after she told me she was interested in someone else. This hurt me even more. We still spoke a lot after all this and we ended up having a friendship where she would tell me about most of this stuff if I asked. She said that she was still speaking to the rep and the guy she was interested in and this bothered me for some reason.
All this and more built up and got to the point where I go so fed up with it all and had a go at her. She replied saying that she doesn't want to speak to me if I think what I said about her is true. We didn't message each other for about 5 days and then she replied saying, "you only just realised what you've done? if you didn't know what you were doing you wouldn't have said it". I was still mad and told her to give up talking to me. We haven't spoken since, it's been like 4 days. She came into where I work/where she used to work and I was just leaving and we made eye contact for about a second and looked away. The drive home I could not stop thinking about her and I miss talking to her and want that friendship back!!
I want to make things right again with her but how should I do it? or what should I say?
- She is the first girl I've spoken to (shocker!!)
- Never had sex
- never had a girlfriend
- I thought she was the perfect girl for me
I've been/was taking to this girl for about a year, I known her in person as I used to work with her. The last 4 month we've been speaking a lot, our conversation are very long, lasting around 4 - 5 hours most nights. I can talk to her about anything, I've told her that I liked her and she said she was interested in someone else. This came as a massive blow as we spoke so much and flirted a lot as well, it got to the point were I felt like we were already something...
She then ended up sleeping with a rep (of the hotel she was at) on holiday after she told me she was interested in someone else. This hurt me even more. We still spoke a lot after all this and we ended up having a friendship where she would tell me about most of this stuff if I asked. She said that she was still speaking to the rep and the guy she was interested in and this bothered me for some reason.
All this and more built up and got to the point where I go so fed up with it all and had a go at her. She replied saying that she doesn't want to speak to me if I think what I said about her is true. We didn't message each other for about 5 days and then she replied saying, "you only just realised what you've done? if you didn't know what you were doing you wouldn't have said it". I was still mad and told her to give up talking to me. We haven't spoken since, it's been like 4 days. She came into where I work/where she used to work and I was just leaving and we made eye contact for about a second and looked away. The drive home I could not stop thinking about her and I miss talking to her and want that friendship back!!
I want to make things right again with her but how should I do it? or what should I say?
Scroll to see replies
She didn't cheat on you. Whether she mislead you or you read into things too much, I don't know. Maybe you feel cheated (or dismayed that she is interested in someone and slept with someone else and is not interested in you) but being cheated on implies what was supposed to be a commited relationship.
But you knew she wasn't interested and kept on going, and that was not the right thing. My advice would be to not putsue it any further and lose this friendship, because it's not healthy for you. You may not want to do this and still hold on to her in life, because you feel close and want her as a friend if nothing else, but still want more. But it's for the best, I don't think you're getting anywhere for now.
But you knew she wasn't interested and kept on going, and that was not the right thing. My advice would be to not putsue it any further and lose this friendship, because it's not healthy for you. You may not want to do this and still hold on to her in life, because you feel close and want her as a friend if nothing else, but still want more. But it's for the best, I don't think you're getting anywhere for now.
(edited 7 years ago)
She did not cheat on you because you weren't in a relationship. You were being jealous and acted out of line. Apologise to her but don't expect to get with her. I doubt the friendship will be the same either after your outburst. Use this as a learning point for the future.
A couple of things to point out. In year that you spoke to her, you never asked her out. Instead you told her you liked her, rather than showing that you liked her. This is the wrong approach, you can't just keep texting a girl and expect her to like you just like that. You took way too long to make a move (ask her out) and you probably got 'friendzoned'. Also try not to be so jealous because that will put off any girl and as clearly demonstrated in your post.
A couple of things to point out. In year that you spoke to her, you never asked her out. Instead you told her you liked her, rather than showing that you liked her. This is the wrong approach, you can't just keep texting a girl and expect her to like you just like that. You took way too long to make a move (ask her out) and you probably got 'friendzoned'. Also try not to be so jealous because that will put off any girl and as clearly demonstrated in your post.
Yeah, just apologise, just tell her you had really strong feelings for her and you were upset, but you'd still like to be friends. You've pretty much run out of other options here apart from grovelling.
Original post by UWS
A couple of things to point out. In year that you spoke to her, you never asked her out. Instead you told her you liked her.
A couple of things to point out. In year that you spoke to her, you never asked her out. Instead you told her you liked her.
This will be a learning curve for me as it was my first time talking to a girl like this.
Original post by Anonymous
Background-
- She is the first girl I've spoken to (shocker!!)
- Never had sex
- never had a girlfriend
- I thought she was the perfect girl for me
I've been/was taking to this girl for about a year, I known her in person as I used to work with her. The last 4 month we've been speaking a lot, our conversation are very long, lasting around 4 - 5 hours most nights. I can talk to her about anything, I've told her that I liked her and she said she was interested in someone else. This came as a massive blow as we spoke so much and flirted a lot as well, it got to the point were I felt like we were already something...
She then ended up sleeping with a rep (of the hotel she was at) on holiday after she told me she was interested in someone else. This hurt me even more. We still spoke a lot after all this and we ended up having a friendship where she would tell me about most of this stuff if I asked. She said that she was still speaking to the rep and the guy she was interested in and this bothered me for some reason.
All this and more built up and got to the point where I go so fed up with it all and had a go at her. She replied saying that she doesn't want to speak to me if I think what I said about her is true. We didn't message each other for about 5 days and then she replied saying, "you only just realised what you've done? if you didn't know what you were doing you wouldn't have said it". I was still mad and told her to give up talking to me. We haven't spoken since, it's been like 4 days. She came into where I work/where she used to work and I was just leaving and we made eye contact for about a second and looked away. The drive home I could not stop thinking about her and I miss talking to her and want that friendship back!!
I want to make things right again with her but how should I do it? or what should I say?
- She is the first girl I've spoken to (shocker!!)
- Never had sex
- never had a girlfriend
- I thought she was the perfect girl for me
I've been/was taking to this girl for about a year, I known her in person as I used to work with her. The last 4 month we've been speaking a lot, our conversation are very long, lasting around 4 - 5 hours most nights. I can talk to her about anything, I've told her that I liked her and she said she was interested in someone else. This came as a massive blow as we spoke so much and flirted a lot as well, it got to the point were I felt like we were already something...
She then ended up sleeping with a rep (of the hotel she was at) on holiday after she told me she was interested in someone else. This hurt me even more. We still spoke a lot after all this and we ended up having a friendship where she would tell me about most of this stuff if I asked. She said that she was still speaking to the rep and the guy she was interested in and this bothered me for some reason.
All this and more built up and got to the point where I go so fed up with it all and had a go at her. She replied saying that she doesn't want to speak to me if I think what I said about her is true. We didn't message each other for about 5 days and then she replied saying, "you only just realised what you've done? if you didn't know what you were doing you wouldn't have said it". I was still mad and told her to give up talking to me. We haven't spoken since, it's been like 4 days. She came into where I work/where she used to work and I was just leaving and we made eye contact for about a second and looked away. The drive home I could not stop thinking about her and I miss talking to her and want that friendship back!!
I want to make things right again with her but how should I do it? or what should I say?
Of course you would think she was the perfect girl as she is the only girl you have actually interacted with in your life.
My advice to you mate, from one bro to another, is to skip the friendship and meet new people.*
She has already said she is not interested in you. Unless you want to be the gay best friend and listen to her stories about how she's getting it on with the rep and the guy she is interested in, I would cut your connections with her.*
You were never together, you should have told her you liked her and when she knocked you back, just got someone else.
You don't want to make things right, you don't want to be friends, you want her bouncing up and down on your dick, but you're too much of a pussy to even tell her.
You don't want to make things right, you don't want to be friends, you want her bouncing up and down on your dick, but you're too much of a pussy to even tell her.
Yeah....she didn't cheat on you.
You sound like my brummie admirer 
Original post by Anonymous
Background-
- She is the first girl I've spoken to (shocker!!)
- Never had sex
- never had a girlfriend
- I thought she was the perfect girl for me
I've been/was taking to this girl for about a year, I known her in person as I used to work with her. The last 4 month we've been speaking a lot, our conversation are very long, lasting around 4 - 5 hours most nights. I can talk to her about anything, I've told her that I liked her and she said she was interested in someone else. This came as a massive blow as we spoke so much and flirted a lot as well, it got to the point were I felt like we were already something...
She then ended up sleeping with a rep (of the hotel she was at) on holiday after she told me she was interested in someone else. This hurt me even more. We still spoke a lot after all this and we ended up having a friendship where she would tell me about most of this stuff if I asked. She said that she was still speaking to the rep and the guy she was interested in and this bothered me for some reason.
All this and more built up and got to the point where I go so fed up with it all and had a go at her. She replied saying that she doesn't want to speak to me if I think what I said about her is true. We didn't message each other for about 5 days and then she replied saying, "you only just realised what you've done? if you didn't know what you were doing you wouldn't have said it". I was still mad and told her to give up talking to me. We haven't spoken since, it's been like 4 days. She came into where I work/where she used to work and I was just leaving and we made eye contact for about a second and looked away. The drive home I could not stop thinking about her and I miss talking to her and want that friendship back!!
I want to make things right again with her but how should I do it? or what should I say?
- She is the first girl I've spoken to (shocker!!)
- Never had sex
- never had a girlfriend
- I thought she was the perfect girl for me
I've been/was taking to this girl for about a year, I known her in person as I used to work with her. The last 4 month we've been speaking a lot, our conversation are very long, lasting around 4 - 5 hours most nights. I can talk to her about anything, I've told her that I liked her and she said she was interested in someone else. This came as a massive blow as we spoke so much and flirted a lot as well, it got to the point were I felt like we were already something...
She then ended up sleeping with a rep (of the hotel she was at) on holiday after she told me she was interested in someone else. This hurt me even more. We still spoke a lot after all this and we ended up having a friendship where she would tell me about most of this stuff if I asked. She said that she was still speaking to the rep and the guy she was interested in and this bothered me for some reason.
All this and more built up and got to the point where I go so fed up with it all and had a go at her. She replied saying that she doesn't want to speak to me if I think what I said about her is true. We didn't message each other for about 5 days and then she replied saying, "you only just realised what you've done? if you didn't know what you were doing you wouldn't have said it". I was still mad and told her to give up talking to me. We haven't spoken since, it's been like 4 days. She came into where I work/where she used to work and I was just leaving and we made eye contact for about a second and looked away. The drive home I could not stop thinking about her and I miss talking to her and want that friendship back!!
I want to make things right again with her but how should I do it? or what should I say?
Hard to cheat on you when you werent going out. She did not cheat.
Clearly you think she owes you more than she does.
You have anger and maturity issues, hence you have opened your mouth and said things which are hard to take back. You should have thought before you spoke.
If you want to make up then apologise and mean it. Send her some flowers as well. She wont trust you again for quite a while after this experience.
Original post by Anonymous
Background-
- She is the first girl I've spoken to (shocker!!)
- Never had sex
- never had a girlfriend
- I thought she was the perfect girl for me
I've been/was taking to this girl for about a year, I known her in person as I used to work with her. The last 4 month we've been speaking a lot, our conversation are very long, lasting around 4 - 5 hours most nights. I can talk to her about anything, I've told her that I liked her and she said she was interested in someone else. This came as a massive blow as we spoke so much and flirted a lot as well, it got to the point were I felt like we were already something...
She then ended up sleeping with a rep (of the hotel she was at) on holiday after she told me she was interested in someone else. This hurt me even more. We still spoke a lot after all this and we ended up having a friendship where she would tell me about most of this stuff if I asked. She said that she was still speaking to the rep and the guy she was interested in and this bothered me for some reason.
All this and more built up and got to the point where I go so fed up with it all and had a go at her. She replied saying that she doesn't want to speak to me if I think what I said about her is true. We didn't message each other for about 5 days and then she replied saying, "you only just realised what you've done? if you didn't know what you were doing you wouldn't have said it". I was still mad and told her to give up talking to me. We haven't spoken since, it's been like 4 days. She came into where I work/where she used to work and I was just leaving and we made eye contact for about a second and looked away. The drive home I could not stop thinking about her and I miss talking to her and want that friendship back!!
I want to make things right again with her but how should I do it? or what should I say?
- She is the first girl I've spoken to (shocker!!)
- Never had sex
- never had a girlfriend
- I thought she was the perfect girl for me
I've been/was taking to this girl for about a year, I known her in person as I used to work with her. The last 4 month we've been speaking a lot, our conversation are very long, lasting around 4 - 5 hours most nights. I can talk to her about anything, I've told her that I liked her and she said she was interested in someone else. This came as a massive blow as we spoke so much and flirted a lot as well, it got to the point were I felt like we were already something...
She then ended up sleeping with a rep (of the hotel she was at) on holiday after she told me she was interested in someone else. This hurt me even more. We still spoke a lot after all this and we ended up having a friendship where she would tell me about most of this stuff if I asked. She said that she was still speaking to the rep and the guy she was interested in and this bothered me for some reason.
All this and more built up and got to the point where I go so fed up with it all and had a go at her. She replied saying that she doesn't want to speak to me if I think what I said about her is true. We didn't message each other for about 5 days and then she replied saying, "you only just realised what you've done? if you didn't know what you were doing you wouldn't have said it". I was still mad and told her to give up talking to me. We haven't spoken since, it's been like 4 days. She came into where I work/where she used to work and I was just leaving and we made eye contact for about a second and looked away. The drive home I could not stop thinking about her and I miss talking to her and want that friendship back!!
I want to make things right again with her but how should I do it? or what should I say?
I'm with the others - she didn't cheat on you. She made it clear to you early that she wasn't interested in a relationship. I mean, I can understand why that would have upset you but cheat is the wrong term - she didn't do anything wrong. I think you should give her space for a bit, and then apologise when you feel like things have settled down a bit. Having said that though, I'm not sure if it's a good idea for the both of you to just be friends if you still have feelings for her, it could end badly an make you feel worse.
Original post by Nirvana1989-1994
Yeah....she didn't cheat on you.
are you blind? can't you see what the ***** has done to the poor lad? =)))
She dosent like in a realtionship type of way, you should not have had a go at her for being interested or getting with someone else, it shouldnt offend you because you wernt going out.
Original post by Rhaenys10
are you blind? can't you see what the ***** has done to the poor lad? =)))
Smiled at him?
Original post by Nirvana1989-1994
Smiled at him?
...it's not like she told him about 3 times she's not interested in him
even the friendzone is too good for him
I am afraid she did not cheat on you, the harsh reality is that she is single so therefore she can do what she likes. She also said she wasn't interested in you other than being friends.
Original post by Rhaenys10
...it's not like she told him about 3 times she's not interested in him
even the friendzone is too good for him
even the friendzone is too good for him
Tru dat.
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