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another jealousy thread....

this is like the 15th thread i've posted about jealousy in the last few months so it's clearly not getting any better. i've tried sooo hard to get over it but i just find it impossible and it's usually at it's worse when i'm stressed (as i'm feeling at the min). to be honest, i just feel jealous about this 1 girl in particular and it got so bad and out of control that my bf has told me that he's no longer gonna be friends with her anymore to make me happy, as it upset me every time she wrote on his fb wall or sent him txt etc. i know it sounds really stupid and trivial but thats just how i felt. anyway, all the messages on his wall have now stopped but i just can't help feeling paranoid that they are messaging eachother privately and still sending eachother txts, and obviously i have no way of knowing. i'm also worried that they'll randomly bump into eachother round uni and start being friendly again. it's driving me absolutely mad and i really don't know what to do.

Reply 1

username47781

Sorry to be harsh if you can't trust your boyfriend then you shouldn't be in a relationship. You need to tackle your jealously issues otherwise you will drive every single guy away from you. He is with you because he likes you, you can't stop him having other friends, it is not fair.

Reply 2

ForeverIsMyName

Listen kiddo, chill the **** out. Guys are allowed to have other female friends; if you can't deal with that, you need to realise that it's a problem with you and it's an issue you need to solve and deal with rather than cause unnecessary problems for the guy that you supposedly like.

Reply 3

History_is...

Hey, hon I've been the girl you are worried about in this situation, and I can tell you that she probably feels like ***** that she's not allowed to be friends with this guy because it upsets you, and that she probably can't understand why you're being like this because she doesn't wanna steal him just be mates. I'm not guaranteeing she's innocent, just saying that there is every chance she is totally puzzled by your (sorry, but it is) unreasonable behaviour. I think you need to back off from this, however hard it is, but all I can suggest to help you with that is talk to her yourself? Maybe if you were better friends with her yourself you'd see she's not so bad and you'd feel less threatened by your boyfriend's friendship with her. Also, this isnt meant to be offensive so im sorry if it is, but if you feel this jealous is the problem perhaps that you don't trust your boyfriend enough?? Maybe this is a problem you need to work through with his irrespective of the girl?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

the weird thing is i don't get that jealous about his other female friends, it's just her :-S

Reply 5

HereFishyFishy

Anonymous

the weird thing is i don't get that jealous about his other female friends, it's just her :-S

Clearly, you're jealous of some particular feature of hers.

I'd try very hard to get over it if I were you. Your boyfriend must be getting tired by now.

Reply 6

silverbolt

OP in some respects a small amount of jealously is healthy it shows you still care about the other person, even after three years i still gt jealous at times but like pride too much jealousy is foolhardy this youve admitted yourself.

I have to agree with rockidol if you cannot handle the fact that hes friends with a female then you shouldnt be in teh relationship. If you dont end it then he will

Reply 7

Angrybanana

I think I know who you are, you've posted a lot as you've said and got pretty much the same advice everytime. This sounds like an obsession more than anything and if you can't get over it then maybe seeking professional help/counselling would be a good idea. There is only so much your boyfriend can take before this wrecks your relationship.

Reply 8

username47781

Well I know someone on here who kept posting how jealous and clingy she was to her boyfriend and we told her she needed to trust her over and over again, consquently she posted the other day saying he had dumped her.

Reply 9

Fleece

What is it that she does that makes you jealous? Is she openly making advances?

Jealousy such as this can only have dire consequences.

Reply 10

daggy

Do you feel inferior to this girl in some way?
Either way, it's something you need to get over!!! What's gonna happen if you two get married? :smile:

Reply 11

8urtay

no offence op but this is such a stupid problem.

You've somewhat ignored advice given to you if this is yet another one of your jealousy threads! Therefore you have a problem.

Does he speak to you, does he tell you how he feels about you? Do you not trust what he says? Has he done anything in the past to ever make you doubt his honesty?!

You know what, jealousy is stupid in large doses! Your destroying all the trust between you and him, your making him doubt his reasons for being with you. He has lost a friend because of your jealousy!

And to please you he has to sneak round making texts behind your back, which is only feeding your paranoia.

I guess the thing is, if you remain so jealous;

If your right then the relationship will be over because you should dump a cheat

If your wrong then you destroy the relationship.

lose-lose situation at its' finest ....

(i've been watching a lot of jeremy kyle recently lol so blame him)

I dont suggest you get professional help because your problem is so trivial. You need to voice your concerns to your boyfriend, you need to establish some kind of dialogue between you two and resolve! Sit down with him and tell him why you get jealous! And if you cant look him in the eyes and believe him when he says 'i would never cheat on you because i love you' then do you really stand a chance?

Reply 12

Fleece

8urtay

And to please you he has to sneak round making texts behind your back, which is only feeding your paranoia.

This is a very good point.

The fact you're being so uptight and jealous about it all, only gives him more reason to be sneaking about.

Reply 13

khil

Anonymous

the weird thing is i don't get that jealous about his other female friends, it's just her :-S

Why is it just this girl in particular?

I have that with a particular girl who's a mutual friend of mine and my bf. My jealousy was actually understandable, given the situation, but nonetheless, after that, I became so jealous about just this one girl that the very thought of my bf even chatting with her drove me nuts. My bf has also agreed to cut contact with her for me. In the meanwhile my paranoia that has nothing to do with this girl, but just generally, had got so bad that I eventually told my bf, and not only does he put up with my paranoia, he's actually said he'll visit me because I need him - this is him flying over from Germany to England, just to see me because I'm paranoid. I didn't ask him - he just offered. And that's when I realised that there's nothing to be paranoid about - he loves me. And as soon as I became assured in his love for me, suddenly all my paranoia disappeared like it was never there, and I realised how stupid I was for doubting him. And along with that security, my jealousy against him bonding with that girl I've mentioned has also lessened. I'm starting to consider letting him get back in touch with the girl, cus I'm realising there's simply no need. There's no need to make them cut contact cus, guess what, it's me he loves, not her. If she was more important to him, he wouldn't have cut contact. And if I wasn't important enough to him, he wouldn't fly over just cus I need him. What more proof do I need?

So in the end, I guess, just be assured that your bf loves YOU. Not her - you. And just realise that there's nothing to be afraid about. You're not gonna lose him. If he wanted to dump you, he would've done by now cus your paranoia can't be easy to live with and it would've given him a perfect excuse. But no - he's stuck with you and he's putting up with your paranoia and he's sacrificing a friend for you, because YOU are his priority. Believe it, because it's true.

Reply 14

Profesh

Get. Over. It.

Reply 15

Bubblebee

Right, I've been 'the friend' that you are jealous of many times before and you probably don't realise how much it's hurting both your boyfriend and his friend.
I've been best friends with a guy since I was about 13, and for the last three years his girlfriend has hated me. She makes him stop talking to me, and I'm only allowed to hang out with him with her or her friends there. To be frank it's getting to the point where neither of us can be bothered now, so I've lost a friend of six years because of a jealous little girl like you. Do you realise how painful that is?