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    • Thread Starter

    My boyfriend of a couple of years broke up with me because I opened up to my friend about some of the problems we had in our relationship. He had mentioned to me a couple of times how he didn't want me talking to her about our problems. She is dating him brother and he wanted his family out of our business. I completely understand where he is coming from but she is also one of my closest friend. We got into a fight and he found out that her and I had talked and texted me saying he was done. Was I wrong? Did he say that because he was mad or is he really done with the relationship? I never responded to the text message. Should I reply back?
    • Very Important Poster
    • Welcome Squad

    I agree that you shouldn't be disclosing your relationship problems to others and it probably makes it worse that your friend is dating his brother. He may have thought she would tell his brother. You should call him and apologise, if you don't reply he'll probably end it for good.

    I think it's a good thing if one is able to talk through the problems in a relationship with people outside of that relationship. I don't think your relationship is abusive, but I get the idea that a lot of abusive relationships happen in part because what happens between the two people stays completely between the two people, and the abused person doesn't feel able to discuss it with others.

    If my significant other told me not to discuss our relationship with my closest friends, I'd consider that an issue that needs dealing with, one way or another.

    It's complicated, but no, you were not wrong for confiding in someone about your problems.
    Like anosmianAcrimony said, you should always have the option of discussing your issues with someone outside the relationship. Not getting outside help for significant (abusive) problems in a relationship will be unhealthy and bad for you.
    Confidentiality between you and your boyfriend is important of course, but if you really need to open up to someone else, there is nothing wrong about that.
    I understand where he's coming from, so I think the best course of action would be to talk it out and tell him how you feel. It sounds like you two have other problems in the relationship you need to work through too. If he remains angry at you, or you don't feel like it's worth it/going anywhere, then maybe this relationship isn't going to work out.
    Spend some time thinking it through.
    Best wishes.
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