Has Social Anxiety Consumed Me?

Has social anxiety consumed me? A question I never thought I`d have asked when I was an average 10 year old or so, sure I was always a bit more quiet than all the other kids at school but I had a healthy social life where I`d have more friends than I can count on my fingers at primary school and would rush home, dump my bags on the floor and head straight out with my friends across the road almost every day. 10 years later and now I`m here, sat on my own own again in my flat at University (2nd Year) where my choice of nightlife is netflix or youtube as opposed to which club to go to.

Ever since the start of the secondary school I`ve seen my life gradually deteriorate due to social anciety and I`ve reached the point where I`m genuinely wondering if I can ever come back. At first it was a simply me being intimidated by new people and I suddenly found that my friends from primary school had moved on to bigger and better social circles whilst I was seemingly left behind, as the years went on my social circle constricted until I found my self leaving sixth form with barely 2 people I could class as friends. One of which I was to never hear from again. I felt like an empty shell of a person towards the end of year 13, trembling even at the thought of walking into the SF common room and for everyone to look at me so I spent a large proportion of lunch and breaks sat in the toilets, and then walking from toilet to toilet across the school because my anxiety feared it would look weird being in the toilet that long.

I knew University would be a huge risk for someone like me but, as I`m sure others have felt, I thought it would give me a chance to reinvent myself, a fresh start where I`m bound to click with people with similar interests (it didn`t seem so naive at the time). First year on the whole was actually a great experience, I was able to make "friends" with the strangers I had moved in with and were people who were actually inviting me out with them, the first time "friends" had actually invited me somewhere in years. Sadly this wouldn`t last and when it came to housing I was left on my own and opted for private accommodation, if one year went good another can right?

So now this brings me here, jealous of missing out on the traditional university life because I have no friends to live with (seems my flatmates saw me more as an acquaintance than a close friend) and even worse I`m stuck with people I hate. Now not only do I have no social life at home (haven`t been out with friends for 3 years), I now have no social life here. I have panic attacks even at the thought of going into the kitchen and have even skipped meals to avoid them. At the society fair, I knew I had to join something to save my social life but I was just too scared to it. Overall, I`m looking at a year (or 2 if I continue down this path) of being isolated from any kind of healthy human interaction, I`m at the point where I get excited when someone on my course just says "hey". For the future, I`m still a virgin and have never had a girlfriend but as it stands I just don`t see how that could change and if I can ever have a normal life. I fear being a 40 year old man, my parents likely to have passed away by then, coming home to an empty house and no one to talk to for the rest of my life.

I`m really sorry this is so long and thank you if you`ve bothered to read all of it, I just felt like I needed to post it and I`m genuinely fearing if I can ever come back from this shell of a person I`ve become.

Has social anxiety consumed me? A question I never thought I`d have asked when I was an average 10 year old or so, sure I was always a bit more quiet than all the other kids at school but I had a healthy social life where I`d have more friends than I can count on my fingers at primary school and would rush home, dump my bags on the floor and head straight out with my friends across the road almost every day. 10 years later and now I`m here, sat on my own own again in my flat at University (2nd Year) where my choice of nightlife is netflix or youtube as opposed to which club to go to.

Ever since the start of the secondary school I`ve seen my life gradually deteriorate due to social anciety and I`ve reached the point where I`m genuinely wondering if I can ever come back. At first it was a simply me being intimidated by new people and I suddenly found that my friends from primary school had moved on to bigger and better social circles whilst I was seemingly left behind, as the years went on my social circle constricted until I found my self leaving sixth form with barely 2 people I could class as friends. One of which I was to never hear from again. I felt like an empty shell of a person towards the end of year 13, trembling even at the thought of walking into the SF common room and for everyone to look at me so I spent a large proportion of lunch and breaks sat in the toilets, and then walking from toilet to toilet across the school because my anxiety feared it would look weird being in the toilet that long.

I knew University would be a huge risk for someone like me but, as I`m sure others have felt, I thought it would give me a chance to reinvent myself, a fresh start where I`m bound to click with people with similar interests (it didn`t seem so naive at the time). First year on the whole was actually a great experience, I was able to make "friends" with the strangers I had moved in with and were people who were actually inviting me out with them, the first time "friends" had actually invited me somewhere in years. Sadly this wouldn`t last and when it came to housing I was left on my own and opted for private accommodation, if one year went good another can right?

So now this brings me here, jealous of missing out on the traditional university life because I have no friends to live with (seems my flatmates saw me more as an acquaintance than a close friend) and even worse I`m stuck with people I hate. Now not only do I have no social life at home (haven`t been out with friends for 3 years), I now have no social life here. I have panic attacks even at the thought of going into the kitchen and have even skipped meals to avoid them. At the society fair, I knew I had to join something to save my social life but I was just too scared to it. Overall, I`m looking at a year (or 2 if I continue down this path) of being isolated from any kind of healthy human interaction, I`m at the point where I get excited when someone on my course just says "hey". For the future, I`m still a virgin and have never had a girlfriend but as it stands I just don`t see how that could change and if I can ever have a normal life. I fear being a 40 year old man, my parents likely to have passed away by then, coming home to an empty house and no one to talk to for the rest of my life.

I`m really sorry this is so long and thank you if you`ve bothered to read all of it, I just felt like I needed to post it and I`m genuinely fearing if I can ever come back from this shell of a person I`ve become.

Has social anxiety consumed me? A question I never thought I`d have asked when I was an average 10 year old or so, sure I was always a bit more quiet than all the other kids at school but I had a healthy social life where I`d have more friends than I can count on my fingers at primary school and would rush home, dump my bags on the floor and head straight out with my friends across the road almost every day. 10 years later and now I`m here, sat on my own own again in my flat at University (2nd Year) where my choice of nightlife is netflix or youtube as opposed to which club to go to.

Ever since the start of the secondary school I`ve seen my life gradually deteriorate due to social anciety and I`ve reached the point where I`m genuinely wondering if I can ever come back. At first it was a simply me being intimidated by new people and I suddenly found that my friends from primary school had moved on to bigger and better social circles whilst I was seemingly left behind, as the years went on my social circle constricted until I found my self leaving sixth form with barely 2 people I could class as friends. One of which I was to never hear from again. I felt like an empty shell of a person towards the end of year 13, trembling even at the thought of walking into the SF common room and for everyone to look at me so I spent a large proportion of lunch and breaks sat in the toilets, and then walking from toilet to toilet across the school because my anxiety feared it would look weird being in the toilet that long.

I knew University would be a huge risk for someone like me but, as I`m sure others have felt, I thought it would give me a chance to reinvent myself, a fresh start where I`m bound to click with people with similar interests (it didn`t seem so naive at the time). First year on the whole was actually a great experience, I was able to make "friends" with the strangers I had moved in with and were people who were actually inviting me out with them, the first time "friends" had actually invited me somewhere in years. Sadly this wouldn`t last and when it came to housing I was left on my own and opted for private accommodation, if one year went good another can right?

So now this brings me here, jealous of missing out on the traditional university life because I have no friends to live with (seems my flatmates saw me more as an acquaintance than a close friend) and even worse I`m stuck with people I hate. Now not only do I have no social life at home (haven`t been out with friends for 3 years), I now have no social life here. I have panic attacks even at the thought of going into the kitchen and have even skipped meals to avoid them. At the society fair, I knew I had to join something to save my social life but I was just too scared to it. Overall, I`m looking at a year (or 2 if I continue down this path) of being isolated from any kind of healthy human interaction, I`m at the point where I get excited when someone on my course just says "hey". For the future, I`m still a virgin and have never had a girlfriend but as it stands I just don`t see how that could change and if I can ever have a normal life. I fear being a 40 year old man, my parents likely to have passed away by then, coming home to an empty house and no one to talk to for the rest of my life.

I`m really sorry this is so long and thank you if you`ve bothered to read all of it, I just felt like I needed to post it and I`m genuinely fearing if I can ever come back from this shell of a person I`ve become.