Feel so worthless...

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    Hi all, Feel as though I can't speak out to anyone about recent mental problems, posting here might help a bit but I don't know. I feel so worthless, empty and simply lonely. To start with I can't communicate with anyone well. The result is that I have few friends, and every day I feel more distanced to them. They go out together not even inviting me - these are guys I have literally known 10+ years and excluding me from everything. It's their last week before going to uni and they don't even want to see me.My parents are cheating on each other, not even subtly. My dad works hard, and my mum looked me in the eyes and told me not to tell him. I used to do everything with her and now I might see her 4/5 hours a week. She's always out. My sister used to be my best friend and now the only time she talks to me is when her friends don't pick up their phone. I haven't had a relationship for 4/5 years - like not even one girl has shown any interest/messaged me. Girls I used to know just blank me (I work at a club and see them every week). I took a gap year to relieve myself and have fun for a change, meeting new people and getting myself off the ground. Guess what I'm occupying it resitting 1 exam, and applying to top unis (interview and exam prep needed). I will likely have no time to do anything I wanted to do.

    The only thing I get motivated by is ****ing money. It's so sad. When I'm not putting 50-100 hours a week into academics I'm working 2/3 **** zero hour contract jobs with bosses who make me do the most menial tasks. I don't even need money, I have like 5 grand in the bank and my dad gave me access to an account with more than that for my 18th. I feel as though that's all people see in me, is a boring person obsessed with money.

    I also have no self confidence in myself. I'm a guy who has to wear ****ing foundation as I'm not confident with my skin (I finished accurate 6 months ago). I went to the gym for a year (like every day) and saw few results. I have body confidence issues and feel unattractive no matter what I do/how hard I try.To make matters worse 4/5 years ago I used to be the most popular guy at my school. Everyone wanted to be my friend and I was literally the life of everything. I was the epitome of happy. Time passes, I get out of sports teams through permanent back injury, less socialising and I give it up even more time for progress in my academics, and now I'm here. I feel as though I haven't had a childhood like normal teenagers, giving it up for academics/work. If I now don't get into the unis ive been working towards getting inIm honestly afraid of what I will do with myself, as that's all I've ****ing worked towards. Thanks, and any replies are really appreciated...
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    Your gap year - Can't you do at least some of what you planned to do alongside your resit? Drop the part time work if you don't need the funds/cv entries. That frees up to 50 hours a week leisure time.

    Your personal relationships - It doesn't sound like you have been available much, so everyone has withdrawn to leave you be. Invite your friends to a farewell night out. Invite your sister for a chat. Get talking to a random nice looking girl. Sitting waiting for these things to happen hasn't been working out for you.

    Your academic progress - Rationally, not getting into a high ranking university is not a suicidal issue. You are intelligent enough to work out alternative routes of academic progress, aren't you?
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all, Feel as though I can't speak out to anyone about recent mental problems, posting here might help a bit but I don't know. I feel so worthless, empty and simply lonely. To start with I can't communicate with anyone well. The result is that I have few friends, and every day I feel more distanced to them. They go out together not even inviting me - these are guys I have literally known 10+ years and excluding me from everything. It's their last week before going to uni and they don't even want to see me.My parents are cheating on each other, not even subtly. My dad works hard, and my mum looked me in the eyes and told me not to tell him. I used to do everything with her and now I might see her 4/5 hours a week. She's always out. My sister used to be my best friend and now the only time she talks to me is when her friends don't pick up their phone. I haven't had a relationship for 4/5 years - like not even one girl has shown any interest/messaged me. Girls I used to know just blank me (I work at a club and see them every week). I took a gap year to relieve myself and have fun for a change, meeting new people and getting myself off the ground. Guess what I'm occupying it resitting 1 exam, and applying to top unis (interview and exam prep needed). I will likely have no time to do anything I wanted to do.

    The only thing I get motivated by is ****ing money. It's so sad. When I'm not putting 50-100 hours a week into academics I'm working 2/3 **** zero hour contract jobs with bosses who make me do the most menial tasks. I don't even need money, I have like 5 grand in the bank and my dad gave me access to an account with more than that for my 18th. I feel as though that's all people see in me, is a boring person obsessed with money.

    I also have no self confidence in myself. I'm a guy who has to wear ****ing foundation as I'm not confident with my skin (I finished accurate 6 months ago). I went to the gym for a year (like every day) and saw few results. I have body confidence issues and feel unattractive no matter what I do/how hard I try.To make matters worse 4/5 years ago I used to be the most popular guy at my school. Everyone wanted to be my friend and I was literally the life of everything. I was the epitome of happy. Time passes, I get out of sports teams through permanent back injury, less socialising and I give it up even more time for progress in my academics, and now I'm here. I feel as though I haven't had a childhood like normal teenagers, giving it up for academics/work. If I now don't get into the unis ive been working towards getting inIm honestly afraid of what I will do with myself, as that's all I've ****ing worked towards. Thanks, and any replies are really appreciated...
    I'm sorry you feel like this right now, but please do try to remember that it is just right now. Personally I can relate to a lot of things you're describing from when I was at a similar stage in my life (and I don't mean that to sound condescending) but things aren't nearly as bad now and I have a much clearer perspective when things do get rough. The same will no doubt happen to you with a little will power and of course, time.

    You're bound to feel in between life stages if you have friends going off to university whilst you're back at home. You're bound to feel a little strange about where you are but don't compare yourself to them, thinking about yourself in a negative way because you're literally just taking your time to get to where you need to be, and that's what happens to a lot of people. Tons of people don't go off to university straight away yet they feel isolated and weird about the whole thing because they have friends that are, or worse, because they feel like people are expecting them to go off. But honestly, it's better to take time for you sometimes than just try to fit into a race to get to where you think others think you should be. Life really should be less about others and more focussed on us. Different people work at different paces in getting where they need to be, and just because you have friends or classmates going off to university, doesn't necessarily mean they're in a better position than you. They might need a lot of personal development themselves, or struggle when they get to uni, you just don't know. So just focus on you and getting to where you need to be - happier and more fulfilled.

    It sounds like maybe you've identified yourself as feeling too driven by money or work, but in fact, in everything you're saying, it sounds like you know deep down that's not right, because you're questioning yourself about it and you're demanding more from life. Maybe you feel like you're questioning things, and that's scary, but it's also good because it's an important part of life. It's like that we discover things about ourselves and the world. If you feel like you're not making enough time to do things that are really important to you, that's an issue, and that's something you ought to pay more attention to. If you don't need to work right now, why not take time to take up a hobby. It could be something you've done in the past or something entirely new. Sometimes things like martial arts, to give an example, can really transform people and make them understand more about themselves. If you can think of literally anything you feel passionate about, beyond work or money, and it's something that fulfils you and allows you to meet new people go ahead and do it. Also take time out to watch television you enjoy, discover music you enjoy, cook better, learn more about things which aren't strictly related to academic work that genuinely interest you and develop your general curiosity. i.e. take pleasure in the littler things in life, that can give you a sense of relief and engage you. You don't always need to travel to learn more about yourself.

    That said, if you have that much money available to you, why not take time out to inter-rail for say, two weeks? Even a short break could make a huge difference to your mindset and really would not jeopardise your university applications if you think about it. If anything, it could refresh your mind. The above poster is right, opportunities don't just come to us, we need to take risks and go find them.

    If you're feeling so isolated now, and like you can't connect with people, and you don't like that feeling, push yourself to see how you can look for the best in people. Make it a challenge for yourself to try and connect with people you bump into in the smallest way. People can seem annoying or frustrating if you're already going through a hard time, and it's easy to feel distanced from them, but almost everyone does have a good and interesting or unique part of their character. If you were once a socialite, it shouldn't be too hard for you to re-find that knack .

    As for body confidence, it's something a lot of us go through, but it's really something we ought to focus less on. Unfortunately it can often seem like there is a huge emphasis on how we look due to culture and general social judgement but in try to connect more with your inner self, really make that effort, and you'll soon see that what's coming from within it's actually far more important to your confidence and happiness. I know that might sound hippyish but people respond to a warm and interesting character and that's all too easily forgotten unfortunately in an image driven society. Retain a strong mindset.

    The situation with home life sounds unfortunate and makes me think a break might be even more useful to you right now. Just to get away from that context and see a different side of the world (there are many sides to it!) Talking to your mum sincerely about how the situation is wrong could help her see sense, if you haven't already tried it. If that fails, and you're feeling unhappy at home, try to distract yourself with activities important to your self betterment. If your emotional health is poor, which it sounds it is, it is worth going to see a doctor. I definitely wouldn't encourage medications but asking them to give you information about local counsellors could be of use. There are usually drop in ones for young people in most localities that don't involve waiting lists and they can sometimes fix you up to see someone regularly, if you present the urgency of the situation.

    I really do hope and i am sure things will work out for you!
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    Focus on having money. That's a very good start. Buy stuff that makes you happy, buy stuff that impresses people, this will get you friends, and that will boost your confidence. The rest will fall into place.
 
 
 
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