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I feel uncomfortable when my girlfriend goes clubbing Watch

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    Hi guys, was just wondering whether any of you may be able to help me...

    I'll try and keep this short and sweet but in short, I don't drink and don't particularly like the idea of being near people when they do and especially my girlfriend. I understand people having a casual drink with a meal but drinking to excess in a Club I really don't understand.

    Me and my girlfriend have been together for just under two years now and when we started going out I let her know how I felt about drinking, partying and clubbing and that I'd much rather have a night in with her than join my mates at the pub. She basically agreed but in the last few months she's started to tell me how much she enjoys going out and well I really don't feel comfortable about it at all. It's really hard to describe but when I know she's out, I just get this sick gut feeling and I can't do anything about it.

    I have some trust issues as she has got with somebody in the past 3 months and so we're trying to work on/move on from that in a mature way but I can't help but think of what could be happening there (if that makes sense?)

    Feel free to ask me anything as it may help with me being able to explain things but I was just wondering whether anybody else had been in the same boat and if so, how the found a way to cope with it.

    Thanks! 😁😁
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    (Original post by MagnetoWasRight)
    She's such a big ho even the word gets bigger. Seriously OP, this is not wife material, you can't show her to your parents, if you make her pregnant, give her a false name and be ready to bail.
    If you're not going to be helpful, is there much point in replying?
    I want to continue my relationship with her just without the feeling I have about her going clubbing. If you must know, her and my family get along very well despite what may have happened in the past.
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    (Original post by physics_geek97)
    If you're not going to be helpful, is there much point in replying?
    I want to continue my relationship with her just without the feeling I have about her going clubbing. If you must know, her and my family get along very well despite what may have happened in the past.
    I am being helpful, this is my advice, cut her off and find someone else. You don't have trust issues because her past behaviour indicates that she is untrustworthy. Reread that last bit, her past behaviour indicates she is unworthy of trust.


    Would you allow a child to be alone with a vicious dog? No because that dog's past behaviour indicates that it might hurt the child. Should you allow your gf to be alone around other men? No because her past behaviour indicates that she might hop on one of their dicks and go for a ride.
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    Get a grip. If she wants to go out and cheat, it's her prerogative you don't own her.

    She can go as she pleases.
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    (Original post by MagnetoWasRight)
    I am being helpful, this is my advice, cut her off and find someone else. You don't have trust issues because her past behaviour indicates that she is untrustworthy. Reread that last bit, her past behaviour indicates she is unworthy of trust.


    Would you allow a child to be alone with a vicious dog? No because that dog's past behaviour indicates that it might hurt the child. Should you allow your gf to be alone around other men? No because her past behaviour indicates that she might hop on one of their dicks and go for a ride.
    I completely see what you're saying but she never had sex with anybody, just kiss. It hurt but I'm able to move on from that and she knows that if it happens again she doesn't get another chance.

    She goes with her friends and her best friend is also Ina relationship so surely she wouldn't do anything in front of them?
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    (Original post by ThePlanB)
    Get a grip. If she wants to go out and cheat, it's her prerogative you don't own her.

    She can go as she pleases.
    I know she can and I'm not trying to control her, what I'm trying to do is control how I feel about it.
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    Her past actions have given you a reason to feel uncomfortable when she goes out. If you can't get the mental image of her having her tongue in another lad's mouth out of your head when she's monged in a club finish her.
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    (Original post by physics_geek97)
    I completely see what you're saying but she never had sex with anybody, just kiss. It hurt but I'm able to move on from that and she knows that if it happens again she doesn't get another chance.

    She goes with her friends and her best friend is also Ina relationship so surely she wouldn't do anything in front of them?
    You seem like a nice guy, but to me, you've lost the fear factor, the moment she kissed another guy you should have cut her off, no friendship, nothing. The point in cutting her off is to show future women that you can't be cheated on or ****ed with, imagine if your gf gets with another guy, you dump her, but you find someone new who finds out how you forgave a cheating, unfaithful woman. This new girl would realise what she can get away with you, she'll disrespect you just like your current gf is disrespecting you right now. You've even convinced yourself you have a trust ''issue'' as if you're the one with the problem, not her.


    One piece of general advice I would give you, as a man you should definitely be more social than your woman, introverted women are wife material, extroverted women are mistress/fling material.
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    (Original post by physics_geek97)
    Hi guys, was just wondering whether any of you may be able to help me...

    I'll try and keep this short and sweet but in short, I don't drink and don't particularly like the idea of being near people when they do and especially my girlfriend. I understand people having a casual drink with a meal but drinking to excess in a Club I really don't understand.

    Me and my girlfriend have been together for just under two years now and when we started going out I let her know how I felt about drinking, partying and clubbing and that I'd much rather have a night in with her than join my mates at the pub. She basically agreed but in the last few months she's started to tell me how much she enjoys going out and well I really don't feel comfortable about it at all. It's really hard to describe but when I know she's out, I just get this sick gut feeling and I can't do anything about it.

    I have some trust issues as she has got with somebody in the past 3 months and so we're trying to work on/move on from that in a mature way but I can't help but think of what could be happening there (if that makes sense?)

    Feel free to ask me anything as it may help with me being able to explain things but I was just wondering whether anybody else had been in the same boat and if so, how the found a way to cope with it.

    Thanks! 😁😁
    I dont want to be trolled hence posting anonymously. People change and in relationships you have to either allow them to do their own thing or join in. If you are uncomfortable with either option then you should really end things. Obviously I dont know but she may well have 'got with' someone else because that person was a better match for her or she feels trapped and cant be herself with you. If thats the case it will happen again. You shouldnt compromise yourself by going out drinking / clubbing against your will either. She obviously must have feelings for you or wouldnt still be with you but that maycwell not be enough going forward.
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    (Original post by physics_geek97)
    I know she can and I'm not trying to control her, what I'm trying to do is control how I feel about it.
    Why not? She needs to be controlled by the sound of it.
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    Break up with her
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    (Original post by MagnetoWasRight)
    Why not? She needs to be controlled by the sound of it.
    It's not all that much a common thing. Maybe once a week/fortnight. She is loyal and respectful and realises she has done wrong but we both know we cannot 'control' one another. What I would really like is a way to be able to get out of this uncomfortable feeling where whenever she goes out, I just don't feel happy.
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    (Original post by Chasdad)
    I dont want to be trolled hence posting anonymously. People change and in relationships you have to either allow them to do their own thing or join in. If you are uncomfortable with either option then you should really end things. Obviously I dont know but she may well have 'got with' someone else because that person was a better match for her or she feels trapped and cant be herself with you. If thats the case it will happen again. You shouldnt compromise yourself by going out drinking / clubbing against your will either. She obviously must have feelings for you or wouldnt still be with you but that maycwell not be enough going forward.
    When she did get with somebody else we were going through a rough patch but she does realise she has done wrong. So that's not an issue in my mind....I don't feel as though I can join her but then I don't like the idea of her going out either so it's a vicious circle really...
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    (Original post by physics_geek97)
    It's not all that much a common thing. Maybe once a week/fortnight. She is loyal and respectful and realises she has done wrong but we both know we cannot 'control' one another. What I would really like is a way to be able to get out of this uncomfortable feeling where whenever she goes out, I just don't feel happy.
    She's not loyal and she is not respecting you because she's insisting on going against your wishes, period. You're not happy because deep inside, you know the situation is wrong, you have to be honest and I mean truly honest, realise that you are not happy and do something about it rather than what you're doing now.
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    You should leave her tbh if she has got with someone else:dontknow:

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    (Original post by MagnetoWasRight)
    She's not loyal and she is not respecting you because she's insisting on going against your wishes, period. You're not happy because deep inside, you know the situation is wrong, you have to be honest and I mean truly honest, realise that you are not happy and do something about it rather than what you're doing now.
    But the way I see it is that other than this I am happy with her. In the grand scheme of things, it's only a small amount of time I feel like this as it's only a small amount of time she goes out so is it worth me making myself happier for this small amount of time and then be unhappier the rest of the time when I don't have a gf?
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    (Original post by physics_geek97)
    But the way I see it is that other than this I am happy with her. In the grand scheme of things, it's only a small amount of time I feel like this as it's only a small amount of time she goes out so is it worth me making myself happier for this small amount of time and then be unhappier the rest of the time when I don't have a gf?
    You're afraid of being alone and having a rubbish cheating girlfriend is better than being by yourself. Honestly you know this isn't sustainable, you need to improve yourself, hit the gym, dress nice whatever and actually go out and meet girls, not just one a few because right now, this girl has to by the balls and you have no other options, you need to change this.
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    (Original post by physics_geek97)
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    It's a brave decision to take someone back after they've kissed someone else but not necessarily a bad one. Everyone makes mistakes.

    I think the main issue here is you need to pick a course of action and draw some lines in the sand.

    Conventional wisdom seems to state that if you trust a girl you should essentially let her do whatever she wants. I think this is misguided. Relationships are, by their nature, limiting. You can't behave the same way in a relationship as you can whilst single.


    Have you discussed this with her? She shouldn't be happy to go out clubbing if it makes you unhappy but perhaps you can also head out with her clubbing too?

    The key is to be proactive and assert some boundaries that you can both be happy with but without being domineering or smothering her.


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    (Original post by physics_geek97)
    Hi guys, was just wondering whether any of you may be able to help me...

    I'll try and keep this short and sweet but in short, I don't drink and don't particularly like the idea of being near people when they do and especially my girlfriend. I understand people having a casual drink with a meal but drinking to excess in a Club I really don't understand.

    Me and my girlfriend have been together for just under two years now and when we started going out I let her know how I felt about drinking, partying and clubbing and that I'd much rather have a night in with her than join my mates at the pub. She basically agreed but in the last few months she's started to tell me how much she enjoys going out and well I really don't feel comfortable about it at all. It's really hard to describe but when I know she's out, I just get this sick gut feeling and I can't do anything about it.

    I have some trust issues as she has got with somebody in the past 3 months and so we're trying to work on/move on from that in a mature way but I can't help but think of what could be happening there (if that makes sense?)

    Feel free to ask me anything as it may help with me being able to explain things but I was just wondering whether anybody else had been in the same boat and if so, how the found a way to cope with it.

    Thanks! 😁😁
    Just let her be her own person, if she does it again, why not drop her? It's your decision, however.
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    (Original post by Supersaps)
    It's a brave decision to take someone back after they've kissed someone else but not necessarily a bad one. Everyone makes mistakes.

    I think the main issue here is you need to pick a course of action and draw some lines in the sand.

    Conventional wisdom seems to state that if you trust a girl you should essentially let her do whatever she wants. I think this is misguided. Relationships are, by their nature, limiting. You can't behave the same way in a relationship as you can whilst single.


    Have you discussed this with her? She shouldn't be happy to go out clubbing if it makes you unhappy but perhaps you can also head out with her clubbing too?

    The key is to be proactive and assert some boundaries that you can both be happy with but without being domineering or smothering her.


    SS
    I've discussed it slightly but it seems that whenever it gets brought up she thinks I'm trying to control her and I really can't explain myself very well as it's not just the thought of her getting with somebody else but also the drinking and potential dangers. Nobody understands my POV and I can never find the words to try and explain it either.

    I don't think I'd like to go clubbing as I really can't stand party's so I just think I shouldn't go clubbing if I dislike party's as much as i do.
 
 
 
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