I dont know what to do anymore.
Like my life is one huge mess, i wont go into detail but i live with family who hate me and never understand me and never seem to be there for me or even care about me. Like they fail to see im not doing good and that and the pure fact im hiding myself away more for everyone. All their attention is on my sibling and they care more about helping him to cope and come to terms with our past but never me, they never offer help to me. Like they have banned me from seeing the only family member who loves me and wants to help me, just because they think they are a danger and will turn me bad. They favour my sibling over me.
Also they keep saying i need to get a lover, and find someone to love but i cant, i aint ready for love, but they dont listen and call me gay and i love the same sex (when i dont and i have nothing against gays)
Also i feel so alone and am made to feel worthless and useless by family and previous bullying issues.
Like i feel if i died then only one person would miss me and mourn my death, but i sometimes feel like if i left things would be easy.
Also i have never had friends and am socially award due to bullies and i now feel i am ugly and fat nothing who should die.
I dont know why i wrote this, just thought someone might be able to offer advice to cope with this or ways to help.
Thank you in advance.
Should I apply again next year?