How can I convince my mum not too....

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Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes

install fitted wardrobes in my bedroom?

Okay, I already know someone is going to say "It's her house, her money" and "stop acting like a brat, it's her decision"

But honestly my bedroom is my safe/happy place, I literally live there. I eat, sleep and if I could shower in there, I would. It's where I'm most at peace and comfortable, I really dislike the idea of fitting wardrobes on my walls because although my room is spacious (and I'm grateful for that), it will make it seem smaller and less comfy in my opinion.

I don't like change, I like things the way they are.

I have pleaded for months but my mum won't change her mind, apparently the wardrobe man is coming tomorrow to check sizes. Honestly, I could cry. I love my room the way it is, why does my mum need to change it? what can I do to change her mind?

:frown:

how do I stop this.

tell here that they would have to be ripped out before she considers selling the place as they are far out of date (they died in the 70's)

Reply 41

999tigger

Wont you be going to Uni soon? have you asked your dad to persuade her to delay it till after you have left?

Reply 42

ELVsLP

Without trying to be a dick, the best thing for you to do is accept this

Yes its going to suck but thats a life lesson right there, in life a lot of $hitty things will happen that you won't like and may even affect you mentally but its not the room thats the problem or your moms decision but the way you are handling it. i mean listen to what you are saying - you literally wanna cry... over a ROOM. how delicate is your life if a little room rearrangement is affecting you so badly?

I know its your safe haven but it can STILL be your safe haven with fitted wardrobes. over time you need to change your mentality and learn to accept the wardrobes no matter how much you detest them. its up to you when you let this incredibly minor matter make or break you.
and if it breaks you then i really fear for your future, if something like furniture can push you over the edge then you will not be able to handle real life!

Reply 43

yungaheartz

Endure it as long as possible, one day you'll have a place of your own where you will be free to make your own decisions. thats what I'm doing, putting up with it whilst I save up for my own space

Reply 44

RDKGames

Study Forum Helper

Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes

how do I stop this.

It's her house and her money, so stop acting like a brat. It's her decision.

Reply 45

TheonlyMrsHolmes

Original post by ELVsLP

I do live real life, and *****y things do happen to me (but thankfully I'm grateful for the life I have, I've not suffered anything to severe as of yet) but my room is actually where I go to escape all of that. I'm sure you can understand that? When your upset and you want to hide from the world, there must be something that helps you escape. That is how I feel about my room.

If I get the wardrobes, it means I have to throw away the bookshelf my uncle built for me (and that has sentimental value to me), I have to throw away my wardrobe and my desk. Because everything is going to be fitted to the wall!!! I hate it.

Reply 46

TheonlyMrsHolmes

Original post by RDKGames

It's her house and her money, so stop acting like a brat. It's her decision.

Fanx dood

Reply 47

DrSocSciences

It's a classic negotiation opportunity, rather than a hair-tearing moment. When is your room getting measured? Has it already happened, and if so, did your mum approve a quote or sign a sales contract?

You need calmer analysis as a start-point for negotiation.

The new storage is going to happen, but there's still time for you to extract benefit from the situation. There may be some flexibility on:
1. The storage type: does it really need to be hanging space, or would a raised bed (or platform bed) with storage below offer an acceptable/better/cheaper/preferable alternative solution?
2. The storage location: perhaps the 'expert' who measures up may have a more tolerable suggestion for the placement of the wardrobes in your room, which could minimise the disruption of your space
3. The storage supplier: can you research/identify a company whose products are more acceptable to you in terms of their design?
4. The storage specification: is it an 'off the peg' type of standardised product, or made to measure/by a carpenter (who could possibly integrate your bookshelf or a bookshelf)
5. The allocation of utility of the storage: how much of it is for your own use?
6. Is there any other change in your room that you would like to happen: new paint job?
7. Is there any other enticement/privilege that you would like to happen (unrelated to your bedroom) that you could negotiate for, in exchange for embracing the installation of storage space?
8. Is there another family member who would swap rooms? If your room is no longer likely to feel your 'own', then this could be an opportunity to do this.
9. Can your uncle's bookshelf be retained and re-installed elsewhere in the house?
10. Could your uncle, or someone equally skilled, make you a new bookshelf for your redesigned room?

Mature negotiation is always more constructive than blocking meltdowns. Failing all of that, just try to get some perspective: one of my teenagers slept outside in a carpark last night, to get some insight into homelessness. All in all, life is good if you're just stressing about fitted wardrobes.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 48

Ravenous

Threaten to stick her in an old folks home when she's older?

Reply 49

Tootles

Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes

how do I stop this.

Tell her not to do it or you'll put a lock on the door. You can get cheap locks from most hardware shops and they're not hard to fit.

Reply 50

DrSocSciences

Original post by Tootles

Tell her not to do it or you'll put a lock on the door. You can get cheap locks from most hardware shops and they're not hard to fit.

The measured ultimatum of an apparent 26yr old.

Reply 51

TheonlyMrsHolmes

Update: It's happening whether I like it or not, so I guess it's compromise from now on...

My mum said the guy can make me a better bookshelf to fit all my books, so I guess that's okay but ugh I just don't want to throw my old one out.

Anyway, I guess it's my problem now so thanks everyone for your helpful advice :h:

Reply 52

Kevin De Bruyne

Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes

Change is difficult to deal with, granted. The worst bits are the run up to it and kind of just after, until you get used to it. It's a shame that your mum didn't respect your wishes - your room is your space and any kind of change ot that can throw off your balance at first, and seem scary / unnecessary.. but who knows, maybe one day you'll have more space to yourself and a massive bookcase that you've build with your man :rofl:

and a collection of much loved books that you've read over the years :tongue:

Also, if you click edit and preview post in your first post, you can change your title :borat:

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 53

username1738583

Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes

You're welcome :jumphug:

Reply 54

Normaleila

You could get her to ask an estate agent whether it would add value - which it won't. Or you could try to 'engage with the process' - suggest where the wardrobe could go that wouldn't involve moving your bed. Or your uncle's bookcase. Ask to choose the colour, handles and so on. Suggest the room is redecorated, with new carpet and bedlinen. Get to choose - that's the way to go.

Reply 55

TheonlyMrsHolmes

Original post by Ravenous

Threaten to stick her in an old folks home when she's older?

I've been laughing at this for a good 2 minutes lmfao.

All because she fitted wardrobes in my room XDDDDD

Reply 56

It's****ingWOODY

Do you pay your mum rent? I pay rent for my room and it's my space, she does like to tell me what to do with it sometimes but I generally just kindly tell her to get to f*** :smile:

If you don't though then all you can do is tell her you're really unhappy with what she's doing to your room and maybe turn on the waterworks, if that doesn't work then you're probably just gonna have to suck it up and get used to it I guess :frown: