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Boyfriend won't let me walk away to cool down when I'm mad

    • Thread Starter
    #1

    When we get into a fight, I yell he yells (actually a lot of the time I just talk and he can't automatically snap but I admit the last two times I yelled for legit reasons)...then I walk away to cool down and it makes him mad even more. I deal with it by walking away and having a breather so I could calm down and think clearer but he deals with things the total opposite, he need to talk right there and then usually he's still mad and yelling and there's no reasoning with him- if gets mad enough he'll hit stuff. He always wants things his way even when he's in the wrong.

    Lastnight we had a fight at the bar, he left me at the bar by myself to go to the another bar. He was mad, I was hanging out with his friends while he was playing pool- what else am I suppose to do just sit there and wait for him? I want to socialize. I got pissed, I live in a different town as him and not familiar with his side of town and ended up at the bar alone. We went home after kicking things outside the bar- he was mad at me for being mad basically. We got home I wanted to use the washroom trying to get passed him as usual he won't let me go so I went to to bed covered- he got mad at that too and hollered he just wanted to argue so I tried going to the washroom again he shoved me and I fell this time.

    What is this? Why can't he cool off first? Why do guys get mad when your mad?? Why can't he leave me alone till things cool off??
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    woah.
    When he's not mad, try and tell him that u want to walk away to calm urself down when ur mad.
    If he doesn't listen,he's not right for u........
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    Looks like you're in somewhat of an abusive relationship. I would suggest counselling
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    I can hear you from here damn ,
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    I'm hearing alarm bells ringing loud and clear.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    When we get into a fight, I yell he yells (actually a lot of the time I just talk and he can't automatically snap but I admit the last two times I yelled for legit reasons)...then I walk away to cool down and it makes him mad even more. I deal with it by walking away and having a breather so I could calm down and think clearer but he deals with things the total opposite, he need to talk right there and then usually he's still mad and yelling and there's no reasoning with him- if gets mad enough he'll hit stuff. He always wants things his way even when he's in the wrong.

    Lastnight we had a fight at the bar, he left me at the bar by myself to go to the another bar. He was mad, I was hanging out with his friends while he was playing pool- what else am I suppose to do just sit there and wait for him? I want to socialize. I got pissed, I live in a different town as him and not familiar with his side of town and ended up at the bar alone. We went home after kicking things outside the bar- he was mad at me for being mad basically. We got home I wanted to use the washroom trying to get passed him as usual he won't let me go so I went to to bed covered- he got mad at that too and hollered he just wanted to argue so I tried going to the washroom again he shoved me and I fell this time.

    What is this? Why can't he cool off first? Why do guys get mad when your mad?? Why can't he leave me alone till things cool off??
    Talk to him and work out some rules on how you argue. get him to explain you need a time out to cool down, but afer a time you will come back and talk it through with him. Thats a compromise. If you cant agree on one then think whether you ought to be together. Maybe find a different way of arguing It all sounds pretty dysfunctional.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by tamil fever)
    woah.
    When he's not mad, try and tell him that u want to walk away to calm urself down when ur mad.
    If he doesn't listen,he's not right for u........
    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Talk to him and work out some rules on how you argue. get him to explain you need a time out to cool down, but afer a time you will come back and talk it through with him. Thats a compromise. If you cant agree on one then think whether you ought to be together. Maybe find a different way of arguing It all sounds pretty dysfunctional.

    We had that discussion already, he even said he gets it that sometimes it's better to walk away and cool down then the heat of the moment I guess he forgets.

    I would be fine to talk about whatever we are fighting about but he's hollering and it's overwhelming. Two people upset won't solve anything. He's already admitted to having a bad temper, I heard him talking to his mom and he doesn't know how to talk calmly with anyone it seems and when he does he talks to you like your stupid.
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    Yeah, get out of there, fast.
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    (Original post by anonymous)
    we had that discussion already, he even said he gets it that sometimes it's better to walk away and cool down then the heat of the moment i guess he forgets.

    I would be fine to talk about whatever we are fighting about but he's hollering and it's overwhelming. Two people upset won't solve anything. He's already admitted to having a bad temper, i heard him talking to his mom and he doesn't know how to talk calmly with anyone it seems and when he does he talks to you like your stupid.
    TWO words:
    leave HIM
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    Yeah, get out of there, fast.
    Tbh that's not enough for me to leave I'm just trying to understand his behaviour. My dad is the same way, he gets mad throws things YELLS so I'm used to this behaviour and it doesn't scare me. It's just overwhelming.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We had that discussion already, he even said he gets it that sometimes it's better to walk away and cool down then the heat of the moment I guess he forgets.

    I would be fine to talk about whatever we are fighting about but he's hollering and it's overwhelming. Two people upset won't solve anything. He's already admitted to having a bad temper, I heard him talking to his mom and he doesn't know how to talk calmly with anyone it seems and when he does he talks to you like your stupid.
    I would leave it sounds dysfunctional and tiring. It sounds like he has an anger issue, which is more about him venting his inability to cope and resolve conflict.

    Do you wnat a life full of shouting? how do you know when pushed he doesnt get more abusive? If you have to evacuate then be sire to have a plan of knowing what you will do if you move out and put it all into action. Find someone less shouty.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Tbh that's not enough for me to leave I'm just trying to understand his behaviour. My dad is the same way, he gets mad throws things YELLS so I'm used to this behaviour and it doesn't scare me. It's just overwhelming.
    Okay. But, be careful, I know from experience being around that sort of behaviour doesn't do much good.
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    Finding somebody outside the relationship to talk to about your arguments might help. Is there anybody neutral who knows both of you you could talk to?

    If he's physically pushed you over as your original post suggests, I would personally be considering dumping them. Any violence is a bad sign and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
    #2

    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    Okay. But, be careful, I know from experience being around that sort of behaviour doesn't do much good.
    What happened?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What happened?
    Not with a boy.
    My parents aren't the best. Very authoritarian.
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    (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
    I'm hearing alarm bells ringing loud and clear.
    this ^^^

    he's completely losing it and doesn't have control if he agrees to give you space then refuses when he's angry

    he also pushed you over onto the floor
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Also he gets mad over stupid things like waking up alone, if I end up waking up before him. And using the phone in a different room.
    #3

    man this sounds like a toxic relationship
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    This sounds toxic , i bet he is a man
 
 
 
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